Nobody knows nobody

words dance along the page
temporary does the feeling last.
you feel all right
but baby, wait til morning.
you feel all right
in the moment.
No light
no day
no happiness.
pull the covers up a bit higher
if you even have them.
a knock on the door
a tear in your eye
you couldn't wake up if you wanted to.
a battle
between you and the wolves
snapping
biting
creeping up behind you.
hurts so bad, your bones ache too.
evil
miserable
wolves
want your soul
and nothing less.
slipping through the crack in your door
slithering it's way to the bed you sleep upon.
pause
continue
up the bed post
it whispers three words
and ends it all.

Delicate

Our eyes meet
our slight smile greet.
but we remain hidden
reality forbidden.

I listen close
for your music plays in my ears.
Tears swell in the rims of my eyes
yet I swallow back down the guilt

You mean so much
for if we could touch
I'd never let go
I promise you so

I'm scared
almost too shy
to look deep into your eyes
and reveal something so.. delicate
delicate

the word whispers in my ear
and I swear to you, I hear
every last note
your melody is my antidote.

So why'd you fill my sorrow
with the words you borrowed
from the only place that you've known.
Why'd you sing hallelujah
if it means nothing to you
why'd you sing with me at all?

Stardust Dream

I'm standing in a field, a cigarette in hand
Stare up at the sky, in my eyes it brands.
I'm standing in a dream, a question in mind
How've I gotten here, and in such due time?
I think I stand alone, but someone stands behind.
I turn and look at you, someone so hard to find.
"You're dead, you know." I say and turn around
He seems unmoved by this, smiling from a frown.
Cross-legged in the grass, I suddenly feel a mass
Cigarettes are heavy, in my lungs I feel at last.
Someone to call a father, like smokes, it's his booze.
Lucky for him he's dead, he's got nothing to lose.
He sits beside me and smiles, it seems he's heard it too.
In his palm he holds a star and says, "It's just for you."
A star? I think, and pick it up. Like him, cold as ice.
"I'm dead, right?" He reminds. "I feel this would suffice."
"You're dead," I repeat, this time somewhat remorsed.
"Don't be sad," He says. I laugh and say "Of course."
How can't I be? Everything's slipped through the cracks
"You're dreaming," He says stupidly. "You need to relax."
Anything else? I think as anger burns my veins
What's wrong? He asks. "You were the only thing keeping me sane."
"You saw me fall." He tells me, looking at the sky.
I look away as he wipes a tear from my eye.
"Promise me one thing," he says and stands up tall
"Smile, and from heaven, don't let me watch you fall."
"I wont drink myself to death, if that's what you're saying."
Anger is what's keeping forgiveness delaying.

Live then die

Pure disbelief. I feel worse than stupid. The word in on repeat in my mind: How? How could I have missed him after everything that happened? How could I have gone back to him after the true black colours we showed eachother once upon a time? It might have been love at one point; but it's less than nothing now. Two kids can only say so much to eachother until it gets our of control. We were there -- a place no couple should ever get to. But in the words of a famous book, love isn't what hurts. It's what comes in between -- the lies, the fights, the tears... Why should we have to deal with that? Do you honestly have to endure that kind of pain to say you're truly in love? It's complicated; Complex. You could say teenage love is just an experience-- for some. For others it's beyond that. It's unexplainable. How can you explain a feeling that causes you to think so many different things at once, and feel so many different things? There are only so many girls who have felt how I've felt; alone. Scared. Confused. Didn't he tell you he was always gonna be there for you? Didn't he tell you that he would always love you? This is for all the girls who have told themselves he'd change. For all the girls that have had to cry themselves to sleep when he promised he'd always be there. And you probably had the nerve to tell yourself you weren't good enough for him. This is for the girls who went back to him after weeks of wasted tears. We don't need this. We don't fucking need this. Love is the hardest thing a teenage girl will endure throughout the years. It's something we make mistakes in, but learn from. Yes, he might hurt us. We might even feel better lying in bed all day with curtain closed, blocking all the light, happiness, from our sight. He might make us cry until we can't breathe, but we learn. We learn that love is so, so complex and beyond our knowledge to ever know what might happen next. He might be our best friend one minute, and our worst thought the next. Yeah, he might of been a huge part of you but after it's all said and done he was just a big foot print left deeply engraved into our hearts. Nothing more. It's all right to miss him. And it's all right to hear your song and cry once in a while. But it's not okay to run back to him everytime he says, " Baby, I'm sorry," in that voice you love. You can't change someone. And if you can, old habits never die. They linger and come back eventually. I promise you that. If he's hurt you once, he will do it again, intentionally or not. Any boy who's made you cry over and over isn't worth it for a second. I really, really wish girls who are or have been in a similar situation see the light. It's. Just. Not. Worth it.

I've made so many mistakes, but I won't admit he was truly one. He let me know what it felt like to rather die than wake up the next day and go through those horrible, horrible feelings all over again. He gave me a taste of what love felt like, and showed me the signs to look for when you're falling apart. I won't say thank you, but I will say good luck. No, we were never meant to be together, but cheers to the memories.

--

If you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade
I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude, It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.
I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
so why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
But I'm in so deep. you know I'm such a fool for you. You got me wrapped around your finger.
Do you have to let it linger?
oh, I thought the world of you. I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong. If you could get by, trying not to lie, things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used.
But you always really knew.
I just wanna be with you.

Teach me how to fly

dear you,
blinded
captivated
held back.
words being thrown around
yet nothing else matters.
a couple once
two individuals today
still an ache dwells within me.
what was once mine
is now forever lost
try,try,try
but that voice whispers me now.
pushed him too far
even if he wanted to comeback
he just couldn't.
with open arms
I beckon your presence.
miss him today
struggle for life tomorrow
three words have never meant so much.
i miss you
i love you
dearest boy
you ask me to come home
forever and a day is stuck in my mind.
dearest first love
you made me so happy
just hold me
please just hold me.

White flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that.But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it where's the sense in that?

- It just never gets easier

Oh god, is this the end?

5:50 PM

My tears fall to sting my broken heart. The pain they bring to my soul that's already torn apart. Look at my face, drowned in sorrowful tears. I didn't need space, I needed you here ! It was suppose to be "we" But now, there's only me. . . We were suppose to be forever. Do you hear the sound of a million broken promises crashing down on the cold hard ground? Do you smell the scent of thousands of dead dreams becoming reality And my life force being spent? Do you taste the bitter taste of uncurable loneliness, Never to be lost in life's haste? Do you feel the pain of knowing you were never right? . . . Do you live with that shame?

Sticks and stones may break my bones but the world has already hurt me. You left me and now I am like little pieces of green glass representing who I used to be, shattered on a splintered floor, alas. I couldn't keep my feelings inside. As I reached for my knife, I can no longer hide the marks I've had all my life. The red of my blood so painful And the white of my skin so soft, Mix to make the shameful colour of being lost. And no other being coveys that feeling like you. The misty spray of the waves, crashing against the obsiclian rocks is like the lasts days of our love before we came to the docks. I stand at the shore's edge, waiting only to be with the waves peaceful ledge. They will embrace me for who I am. And I am nothing . . . just a broken heart, with a broken plan. And now I am one less. Do you hear the sound of a million broken promises crashing downon the cold hard ground? Do you smell the scent of thousands of dead dreams becoming reality And my life force being spent? Do you taste the bitter taste of uncurable loneliness Never to be lost in life's haste? Do you feel the pain of knowing you were never right . . . Do you live with that shame?

Sticks and stones may break my bones But the world has already hurt me. Undo the laces of my being, See I bleed for you . . . Tell me, sweety, what I'm seeing, Tell me what I need to do. Run your hand across my skin, stretched tight and waiting for your touch, I cannot escape this feeling -- Suddenly it's too much. Lying in bed 'till noon, I can't wake up, It's too soon. The things you promised me, I cannot live and I cannot see. Without you there's no me. What to be? Pieces of my hear abandoned on the ground, you stepped on them and ripped my dreams down. Even my bloodpainful cannot cure me of this wound. Tell me -- What did I do that was so shameful? I hear no wrong sound. Tell me -- oh please tell me -- What was wrong, What was I suppose to be? This story is too long but it needs a bend, And I keep going on straight
oh god, is this the end?

If we could have it our way..

August 3/09 5:08PM

Summer has been great. I got back from camping with Tayller today. It was very fun. Tanning, river rafting,jumping off a cliff, swimming, hot guys!, chilling in our tent, mud, meeting people, storms, laughing, showers, MARSHMELLOW SHOOTERS, just alot of funnn. I'm now looking forward to either Sylvan Lake with Tay or Ontario. I haven't decided, it's a hard choice.. Have fun with a new friend, or have fun with old ones. hmm, Maybe I'll toss a coin; Heads I go to Sylvan Lake - Tales I go to Ontario