Live then die

Pure disbelief. I feel worse than stupid. The word in on repeat in my mind: How? How could I have missed him after everything that happened? How could I have gone back to him after the true black colours we showed eachother once upon a time? It might have been love at one point; but it's less than nothing now. Two kids can only say so much to eachother until it gets our of control. We were there -- a place no couple should ever get to. But in the words of a famous book, love isn't what hurts. It's what comes in between -- the lies, the fights, the tears... Why should we have to deal with that? Do you honestly have to endure that kind of pain to say you're truly in love? It's complicated; Complex. You could say teenage love is just an experience-- for some. For others it's beyond that. It's unexplainable. How can you explain a feeling that causes you to think so many different things at once, and feel so many different things? There are only so many girls who have felt how I've felt; alone. Scared. Confused. Didn't he tell you he was always gonna be there for you? Didn't he tell you that he would always love you? This is for all the girls who have told themselves he'd change. For all the girls that have had to cry themselves to sleep when he promised he'd always be there. And you probably had the nerve to tell yourself you weren't good enough for him. This is for the girls who went back to him after weeks of wasted tears. We don't need this. We don't fucking need this. Love is the hardest thing a teenage girl will endure throughout the years. It's something we make mistakes in, but learn from. Yes, he might hurt us. We might even feel better lying in bed all day with curtain closed, blocking all the light, happiness, from our sight. He might make us cry until we can't breathe, but we learn. We learn that love is so, so complex and beyond our knowledge to ever know what might happen next. He might be our best friend one minute, and our worst thought the next. Yeah, he might of been a huge part of you but after it's all said and done he was just a big foot print left deeply engraved into our hearts. Nothing more. It's all right to miss him. And it's all right to hear your song and cry once in a while. But it's not okay to run back to him everytime he says, " Baby, I'm sorry," in that voice you love. You can't change someone. And if you can, old habits never die. They linger and come back eventually. I promise you that. If he's hurt you once, he will do it again, intentionally or not. Any boy who's made you cry over and over isn't worth it for a second. I really, really wish girls who are or have been in a similar situation see the light. It's. Just. Not. Worth it.

I've made so many mistakes, but I won't admit he was truly one. He let me know what it felt like to rather die than wake up the next day and go through those horrible, horrible feelings all over again. He gave me a taste of what love felt like, and showed me the signs to look for when you're falling apart. I won't say thank you, but I will say good luck. No, we were never meant to be together, but cheers to the memories.