Affiliate with No Man's Land

Eyes have sunken in, consistent with tiredness and tears
Solely laced with question within my tender fears.
They burn in salt and delightfully release
The drips of my soul that sadly decrease.
The life of me unstable, there are ups and downs
Can't wait to rid myself of fucking Bubble Town.
The place for superficial and material deceit
I stay any longer and I fall from my feet.
I have no fucking clue as for solutions
Nobody helps and stares in delusion.
Why is nobody as they should like to be?
Forgiving and accepting within their defeats?
Stubborn and careless without a fucking clue
But I can't stay angry at you and you.
I climb over hills for No Man's Land
Neutral, without emotion for me to sub stand.
I hate the fucking feeling, to you I'll confess
Not being able to be mad or happy in this mess
I want so much to put you in your place
Because you only care about saving fucking face.
I know sole heartedly I must ride above
I cannot take place in 'the push comes to shove'.
I know there's a heart and soul content with good
But you've plagued the surface like you stood
Smiling at Satan and turning your back on all sane
Like life is absent-minded and my heart is a game.
I don't know if you feel like you've won
But you're left empty-hearted and your prize is none.
I hope you're enjoying sadistic indulgence
And decide selectively on your specific involvement.
Because Judgment Day comes and you smile at God
Angelically lying to the high like a fraud.
You'll see me on the hills with the dead on one side
Black flowers, dead branches, no rules to abide
Of life, where the other side, full of sunlight
I stand with half and half and my feelings fight.
I want to hate you, I want to hit you.
I want to love you, I want to say sorry.
I know I have nothing to apologize for
Never will my knees hit the floor.
I know I want to smile and say it's alright
Where my soul will brighten and take flight.
Out of my feelings two blend and commerce to one
My commitment to the action is nothing called fun.
You don't deserve my apologies, nor do you deserve hate
Because they're not my decisions to like or make.
You make many, but I make due without
And smile even though I wish to say get out
Of my life and my fears and my hopes and dreams
Because you mean what you say, but never say what you mean.

Just for the record, I'm not okay.

Dear Tree (L)

So many times I've affiliated with doubt, but I sit in the Tree of Knowledge, a beautifully leaved tree that comforts my curves and breathes a windy breeze across my glowing face; a glow I've been graced with by a reddening sunset. The Tree faces me forward to the sea - to a life unknown and uncertain. I think I hold potential, future, in my hands, but doubt crumbles the paper and spits it from my heart. Dearest Doubt, should I forget you when you leave my shadowed souls be? When you set me free? Free - I'm free of nothing, nothing you're surely capable of.

Smile in the face of your dreading sorrows and hollowed hearts. Lighten your head and recall the start. Don't you remember your happiness? The utter joy that shattered the glass of Doubt? Such a violent peace, it was. Was it not? Your dreams are not shot, babydoll.

The tree attempts to set sail for my future, but not forever will it protect me on the docks. You see, I face the shore, and nighttime soon prevails. The branches that comfort my wrists urge me into the water, but I scream and cry in fear of drowning. The sea violently awakens and hordes my eyes with liquid salt. I cry more salt to the sea. I'm drenched with the cold and a freezing breeze. Dear Tree, will you still protect me?

Can't you predict your passioned fate without Doubt? Doubt smiles in negative highs. You breathe in when you're faced with a biased standard; can't you see clear? You succeed your past, my dear. Open your eyes and ears. Reality isn't a fear - it's sheer happiness. Adventure will lighten your shadowed souls and weaken your limbs, and make you feel grim. But better cause brings better result. Sweetheart, it's not your fault.

Darkness seeps through the faded fabric of my world, my emotions in a whirl. The Tree leaves me be from challenge and holds me in its sleep. I weep quietly, not to awaken my Tree. Dear Tree, what is life without you and me? What is a challenge without comfort? A dreamily whisper breathes to my ear:

Lesson it is, and though it seems cruel, in time you shall win the duel. The battle between you and all fools, all evils who mask their weakness as tools. Sweet Girl, don't you see the sun arising? Can't you see, the sun is smiling. Don't create it as a false hope in mind, good things will come in time.

It's held me close within my sorrow, and built me up to a ridge. Dear Tree, wont you be my bridge? I want to ask, but I know the reply. Dear Tree, do you have to die? Even when doubt dripping from my fingertips lies on the shoulders of your frame, where you wither and dry? You still stay alive, am I right? Do you hold me to darkness or light? The black water is what scares me, a mystery, as does doubt when it withers and murders your leaves. You rid yourself of my wrists, and drop me within the sea.
Dear Tree, is this the end of life and me?

Star Child

A universal compromise I can't recall I agreed. My body's saying otherwise, my soul replying indefinitely.

The world to the universe is a drop to the sea; so what say Spirit about you and me? Flashes of green agree that I matter, but it comes ever so often like paint in a splatter. A canvas that I stare at, afraid I'll ruin. I have so much to work with, yet I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to make about life itself, I always feel like it's just me and myself. I want to know more, but what's holding me back? Why do fireflies gravitate in the black towards me? I want to know more.
They have a term for my 'kind', but I don't know if I can affiliate myself with that state of mind or that group of amazing and awe-worthy souls. Confusion circles my inner being, because I hate risk. These lights touch my hand and then burst into wisps of smoke. I have the overwhelming sense that I broke through confusion in the state of soul, but as I'm sent back to earth I've broken through a mold of who I am and what my soul's all about. Why the fuck am I so filled up with doubt?
Love I cannot touch, nor do I want to see; I wish my feelings would let me be. I know I long for the idea of love, but when I'm given the chance I do not rise above. I descend below and keep my heart below my sleeve, in the process of hurting those who I so believed to be infatuated with. I feel like I've once radiated with love, then I was burned and charred. Now ashes sum up my ability, and for that I am sorry.
I sit in the pit of doubt's stomach quite often. Doubt is full and content. I am bent on the fact that I have been consumed by such a petty, petty creature, and I've been tricked to fall in love with all of its features. I find myself currently crawling up its throat, searching for answers. I have the ability to know, and I've been shown.
As I write this, the green infects me. Big eyes, forgiving soul, doubt swallowed me whole. I know it will stay for a while, flashes of green mild, heart beating per minute a mile.
They call me Star Child.