+ Quote of the week
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
It's really difficult to try to accomplish
something, when no one is willing to help. Ever feel that way?
Do you mind?
Frightening sights I have witnessed
Under these stars you'd think I rejoice
Cancel your plans, cut short your visit
Kisses of yours leave they with no voice
You have nothing to say to me
Only if you're right or wrong we'll see
Unless you'll just lose a friend.
We blame the way society is on them
We want to see their sins condemned
I thought I knew better and I saw right through
Whatever false trust resides in my view.
You say you are one, but then you are two
This makes me more frustrated with you
You only see what makes you smile
And never walk that ever long mile
In my shoes, in his shoes, in her shoes
Because whatever you want is whatever you choose.
Can't you see that we together is fate?
You make it too hard with the decisions you make
Then you go further to say you don't care
Because why, you're right? To claim so you'd dare.
I never left you without your best friend
I never said fuck you in the end
I never left because you weren't "cool"
I always thought that I was the fool.
And even now.
I don't leave you sitting in the streets
I don't leave you when you are to weep
I don't say one and then say two
I would never do that to you.
And I know that you know it.
And you know that I love you
But I don't like you right now. Not one bit.
_ _ _ _
Under these stars you'd think I rejoice
Cancel your plans, cut short your visit
Kisses of yours leave they with no voice
You have nothing to say to me
Only if you're right or wrong we'll see
Unless you'll just lose a friend.
We blame the way society is on them
We want to see their sins condemned
I thought I knew better and I saw right through
Whatever false trust resides in my view.
You say you are one, but then you are two
This makes me more frustrated with you
You only see what makes you smile
And never walk that ever long mile
In my shoes, in his shoes, in her shoes
Because whatever you want is whatever you choose.
Can't you see that we together is fate?
You make it too hard with the decisions you make
Then you go further to say you don't care
Because why, you're right? To claim so you'd dare.
I never left you without your best friend
I never said fuck you in the end
I never left because you weren't "cool"
I always thought that I was the fool.
And even now.
I don't leave you sitting in the streets
I don't leave you when you are to weep
I don't say one and then say two
I would never do that to you.
And I know that you know it.
And you know that I love you
But I don't like you right now. Not one bit.
_ _ _ _
"I feel like after all of Lady Luck's ignorance over the years, things really did work themselves out. And maybe that it's worth waiting for something nearing absolutely flawless in the end. No doubts, no what-ifs, no put-downs, no judgments, no overseeing, no undermining, no exaggerating. I don't know if my universe has aligned. I just feel like for once in my life, that spark of hope finally lit the flame, and everything's going to be okay. You know, life? You're okay."
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Seeking your purpose
I run down the sidewalk coexisting with the empty streets. It is five AM and it seems nobody is awake except for you and me. The cold emphasizes and reveals my short breathing as I run further down the road. I run past your house and your street and your driveway and I run seeking something - this I do know not. I run further down to the main street where no cars drive down or up or left or right. The street lamps shine over my face like a spotlight and then leave me be until I reach the next. The roads are coated with ice but it seems every step I take the coatings melt. The stars shine further above in the sky, the skyline of a sunrise greeting me. The sun is nowhere to be found but I smile on as if it's smiling back at me.
I keep running, seeking this component unknown, the theta to my life, still finding nothing. I reach a bus stop where I stop and sit on the bench, catching my breath. My breathing is heavy and the silence is so deafening I can barely stand it. I look up and see you standing there, but you do not acknowledge me.
"When will I find it?" I barely breathe, my eyes stinging with salt from the cold.
"You know what you're looking for."
"But I don't!" I exclaim, exasperated.
You turn your back from me and stare, your cold eyes beading into mine.
"You haven't done anything wrong." He says blankly. His cryptic readings confuse me further. "Those who are faulty search for redemption. What did you do?"
"I've done lots of things wrong." I disagree, shaking my head firmly.
"No, you haven't." His hair greys at the temples, and his tall, wide frame is shadowing me from the sun which has newly risen.
"Why do you seek to find me without fault?" I look at him with confusion. He smiles.
"Because that's how I'd like to remember you." I sit, dumbfoundedly, and just stare at him. I know who he is now.
"You knew I forgot." I say - the tears from my eyes slip.
"You know I'll still be around."
"And what's the point of that? I'm still finding nothing."
He disappears in one blink of my eyes, and the sun blinds me. I look away. I get up from the bench and walk the whole way home, every step I take cracking the cold concrete, I have bare feet, and they bleed. His ghostly figure used to shadow me.
Seeking his purpose and still finding nothing.
I keep running, seeking this component unknown, the theta to my life, still finding nothing. I reach a bus stop where I stop and sit on the bench, catching my breath. My breathing is heavy and the silence is so deafening I can barely stand it. I look up and see you standing there, but you do not acknowledge me.
"When will I find it?" I barely breathe, my eyes stinging with salt from the cold.
"You know what you're looking for."
"But I don't!" I exclaim, exasperated.
You turn your back from me and stare, your cold eyes beading into mine.
"You haven't done anything wrong." He says blankly. His cryptic readings confuse me further. "Those who are faulty search for redemption. What did you do?"
"I've done lots of things wrong." I disagree, shaking my head firmly.
"No, you haven't." His hair greys at the temples, and his tall, wide frame is shadowing me from the sun which has newly risen.
"Why do you seek to find me without fault?" I look at him with confusion. He smiles.
"Because that's how I'd like to remember you." I sit, dumbfoundedly, and just stare at him. I know who he is now.
"You knew I forgot." I say - the tears from my eyes slip.
"You know I'll still be around."
"And what's the point of that? I'm still finding nothing."
He disappears in one blink of my eyes, and the sun blinds me. I look away. I get up from the bench and walk the whole way home, every step I take cracking the cold concrete, I have bare feet, and they bleed. His ghostly figure used to shadow me.
Seeking his purpose and still finding nothing.
Patiently waiting
I so much envy Kid Cudi's lyrics to The Prayer; his thoughts aren't held captive any longer.
It's bottling up inside my head, and it threatens to burst - and those around me would be in for a suffering of words and hours upon hours of anger unleashed - to those, I pray for their souls. So much anticipation and dread, confusion and clarity, sadness and madness that's been capped and kept under pressure; she's left and I need somebody to talk to. I feel if I speak only to myself a chronic insanity and habitual ritual would follow and imprint itself in my daily routines - something I'd never wish upon myself within the walls of reality.
I've been dragging my feet and holding my smiles though a thought a second races through my mind - there is no clouding empty space, they're crowding and clumping particles that wish to free themselves from my brain - my mouth being the perfect tool to release them.
But nobody stands in front of me and there are no reactions or second thoughts or opinions from my own, no way to declare sanity from insanity within myself. And here my lips clamp shut and my thoughts are trapped though my sanity has already vacated and I am ready to speak as I stand in front of a mirror. My reflection questions me with its own expression upon my face - a 'What the fuck are you doing?'look that is most well deserved. It slaps me out of my madness and I ask myself,What the fuck am I doing? I reside into my normal activities and wait patiently.
I dont understand those who can cope without another soul to vent - I just need the right out of the select people to speak my thoughts and unleash this bottle - as long as it doesn't pop itself I am free to patiently speak as thought after thought impatiently waits in line.
I must confess I am an utter and complete introvert, but I am not my own therapy. It's so incredibly difficult for me to have not one trusted soul around to admit to and to recieve the advice that I need. My mind patiently waits but it seems every second that passes makes me wish to speak more and makes my tongue cramp from its strong will and utter ability to react in the correct ways. Even though loneliness at times shadows me it does not necessarily mean I cooperate with it in the most efficient ways.
Nobody knows my hidden thoughts because my soul has sat on the shiny treasure chest that holds my thoughts captive and has ordered my lips to keep themselves shut. I cannot further stand my legitimate frustration that festers within my heart and expands my gut until it hurts. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but this isn't the very truth when you have your soul as a chief sheriff waiting for destiny to place itself in the second and first hands of a clock and a date on the calendar. And so I wait patiently for fate to place itself within my hands, hoping and wishing so desperately that the time for this event arrives sufficiently soon.
It's bottling up inside my head, and it threatens to burst - and those around me would be in for a suffering of words and hours upon hours of anger unleashed - to those, I pray for their souls. So much anticipation and dread, confusion and clarity, sadness and madness that's been capped and kept under pressure; she's left and I need somebody to talk to. I feel if I speak only to myself a chronic insanity and habitual ritual would follow and imprint itself in my daily routines - something I'd never wish upon myself within the walls of reality.
I've been dragging my feet and holding my smiles though a thought a second races through my mind - there is no clouding empty space, they're crowding and clumping particles that wish to free themselves from my brain - my mouth being the perfect tool to release them.
But nobody stands in front of me and there are no reactions or second thoughts or opinions from my own, no way to declare sanity from insanity within myself. And here my lips clamp shut and my thoughts are trapped though my sanity has already vacated and I am ready to speak as I stand in front of a mirror. My reflection questions me with its own expression upon my face - a 'What the fuck are you doing?'look that is most well deserved. It slaps me out of my madness and I ask myself,What the fuck am I doing? I reside into my normal activities and wait patiently.
I dont understand those who can cope without another soul to vent - I just need the right out of the select people to speak my thoughts and unleash this bottle - as long as it doesn't pop itself I am free to patiently speak as thought after thought impatiently waits in line.
I must confess I am an utter and complete introvert, but I am not my own therapy. It's so incredibly difficult for me to have not one trusted soul around to admit to and to recieve the advice that I need. My mind patiently waits but it seems every second that passes makes me wish to speak more and makes my tongue cramp from its strong will and utter ability to react in the correct ways. Even though loneliness at times shadows me it does not necessarily mean I cooperate with it in the most efficient ways.
Nobody knows my hidden thoughts because my soul has sat on the shiny treasure chest that holds my thoughts captive and has ordered my lips to keep themselves shut. I cannot further stand my legitimate frustration that festers within my heart and expands my gut until it hurts. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but this isn't the very truth when you have your soul as a chief sheriff waiting for destiny to place itself in the second and first hands of a clock and a date on the calendar. And so I wait patiently for fate to place itself within my hands, hoping and wishing so desperately that the time for this event arrives sufficiently soon.
Part III: Reach
I've descended below the
stars,
below the
ground,
to the core,
where I hide
oh so famously.
I can't abide
with normalities
of the world;
because that's
just who I am.
But he
he reached down
and held out his hand
and so vividly
I recall
rejecting it.
And the normal
formalities of the world
would print
that he walked away
and would never turn back.
And for some time
I sat alone
and I wished so much
to have taken his hand
to be accepted
back into this world
where I so
persistently
feel I am
alone;
yet surrounded by
hatred
and a thousand laughs
time and time again
not one of them
being
mine.
But he turned around
again.
His motivation I
questioned though
I myself
was benefited.
He attempted
again
to take my hand
and this time
I took it
and he held my
hand as he took
me back home
but then
left
me
again.
And so I push
away from
everything
persistent
and normal
called hatred
and like all
I run away
again.
But this is
an endless
cycle.
It will go on
forever.
So I can never
promise never.
And I can never
not say no.
Because every time
I let go
I want you to be mine
but once I am held
within confines
I sell away your soul
to whoever bids
and it stains
my conscience
with sins that
I can never rid.
xo ..?
stars,
below the
ground,
to the core,
where I hide
oh so famously.
I can't abide
with normalities
of the world;
because that's
just who I am.
But he
he reached down
and held out his hand
and so vividly
I recall
rejecting it.
And the normal
formalities of the world
would print
that he walked away
and would never turn back.
And for some time
I sat alone
and I wished so much
to have taken his hand
to be accepted
back into this world
where I so
persistently
feel I am
alone;
yet surrounded by
hatred
and a thousand laughs
time and time again
not one of them
being
mine.
But he turned around
again.
His motivation I
questioned though
I myself
was benefited.
He attempted
again
to take my hand
and this time
I took it
and he held my
hand as he took
me back home
but then
left
me
again.
And so I push
away from
everything
persistent
and normal
called hatred
and like all
I run away
again.
But this is
an endless
cycle.
It will go on
forever.
So I can never
promise never.
And I can never
not say no.
Because every time
I let go
I want you to be mine
but once I am held
within confines
I sell away your soul
to whoever bids
and it stains
my conscience
with sins that
I can never rid.
xo ..?
Part II: Opposites are Supposed to Attract
+
To the girl
with a damaged heart:
I envy your classic
experiences
that will gain you
wisdom
but you just
see pain.
I must admit
I cannot agree
with the actions
you commit to
to such a degree
where your world
spins out of control
because you
let go.
You've erased the moral
you once stuck true
and now you've
ripped out
the positive
You invite
the negative
and like a magnet
it gravitates
towards you.
I applaud.
You do it so well
and though you
drown in your
emotions:
your pain
your anger
your sadness
you mask it
amazingly
to the only girl
who supposedly
is your trusted
companion.
But now I find
doubt
because you do
without us
without bother.
I ponder this
and why
I pry
though I wish
I didn't
because it hurts like
you are hurting now.
We used to stick
but now we face
opposite sides
like magnets
like shore to shore:
me,
a
sea
in
between
you,
and I.
I reach
my hand outwards
My fingers extend
searching for
your fingers
so we can connect
and rewire the
fuse that
we once ignited.
But you seem
to fight it
You seem
to turn your back
and answer
to only yourself.
I wait on the beach
and understand please,
I do not preach,
I just wish to seek
your shore
but I don't understand you
being meek
and as the Beatles would so famously say,
I just want to hold your hand.
-
Just talk to me.
I told you I'd always
always
be here.
To the girl
with a damaged heart:
I envy your classic
experiences
that will gain you
wisdom
but you just
see pain.
I must admit
I cannot agree
with the actions
you commit to
to such a degree
where your world
spins out of control
because you
let go.
You've erased the moral
you once stuck true
and now you've
ripped out
the positive
You invite
the negative
and like a magnet
it gravitates
towards you.
I applaud.
You do it so well
and though you
drown in your
emotions:
your pain
your anger
your sadness
you mask it
amazingly
to the only girl
who supposedly
is your trusted
companion.
But now I find
doubt
because you do
without us
without bother.
I ponder this
and why
I pry
though I wish
I didn't
because it hurts like
you are hurting now.
We used to stick
but now we face
opposite sides
like magnets
like shore to shore:
me,
a
sea
in
between
you,
and I.
I reach
my hand outwards
My fingers extend
searching for
your fingers
so we can connect
and rewire the
fuse that
we once ignited.
But you seem
to fight it
You seem
to turn your back
and answer
to only yourself.
I wait on the beach
and understand please,
I do not preach,
I just wish to seek
your shore
but I don't understand you
being meek
and as the Beatles would so famously say,
I just want to hold your hand.
-
Just talk to me.
I told you I'd always
always
be here.
Part I: Ink and Paper Touch
Days upon days
my hands refuse
vehemently to
touch that which witholds
ink;
where ink refuses
immediately to
touch paper.
My mind has been
running
searching
for answers within
my spacious
mind,
but the confines
don't allow
discovery.
Questions appear
make their mark
and never leave.
This decieves
my heart
and I feel I've been stabbed
in the back
by my soul.
But I too am to blame
for I have turned my back
on the importance
of patience
of forgiveness
of love
and of solidity
time
and time
again.
I can't say I must
apologize.
Apologies are
worthless without
mean.
I have none of this
to spare for
her
and to him and
to you.
Part I: I Say Goodbye
Dear the defeated
burned man
who lies
six feet under:
I don't know
you
nor do you know
me.
Yet you stand above
the sea and smile
and the sun attempts
to reveal your
martyr act.
But here's the fact:
I don't know you
You feel you know
me because I know
you're there.
You stand beside me
and it shows.
They're faceless footprints
that appear never
but your presence is sensed
and I remember.
Tears can no longer stream
I see you in my dreams
but they don't leave me
mourning;
They leave an eery
feeling
that chills my spine
and tenses my mind.
Blood lines
trace relevance
but I no longer lie.
You cut the ties
that no longer exist
and you linger on
within your abyss.
What's done
is done
and I feel no
remorse
Because I no longer
recall
our relationship's course.
It once broke my heart
but I've picked up
the pieces
on my own.
I've grown from
that sweet child
who stood by your
side
despite your mistakes
and your incorrect
pride.
I shake my head
at the ancient times
because you're dead
does not mean
you are my prime
obligation
to be in my thoughts.
You have no
relation
to me anymore.
That's plain
and simply just
the way it is.
my hands refuse
vehemently to
touch that which witholds
ink;
where ink refuses
immediately to
touch paper.
My mind has been
running
searching
for answers within
my spacious
mind,
but the confines
don't allow
discovery.
Questions appear
make their mark
and never leave.
This decieves
my heart
and I feel I've been stabbed
in the back
by my soul.
But I too am to blame
for I have turned my back
on the importance
of patience
of forgiveness
of love
and of solidity
time
and time
again.
I can't say I must
apologize.
Apologies are
worthless without
mean.
I have none of this
to spare for
her
and to him and
to you.
Part I: I Say Goodbye
Dear the defeated
burned man
who lies
six feet under:
I don't know
you
nor do you know
me.
Yet you stand above
the sea and smile
and the sun attempts
to reveal your
martyr act.
But here's the fact:
I don't know you
You feel you know
me because I know
you're there.
You stand beside me
and it shows.
They're faceless footprints
that appear never
but your presence is sensed
and I remember.
Tears can no longer stream
I see you in my dreams
but they don't leave me
mourning;
They leave an eery
feeling
that chills my spine
and tenses my mind.
Blood lines
trace relevance
but I no longer lie.
You cut the ties
that no longer exist
and you linger on
within your abyss.
What's done
is done
and I feel no
remorse
Because I no longer
recall
our relationship's course.
It once broke my heart
but I've picked up
the pieces
on my own.
I've grown from
that sweet child
who stood by your
side
despite your mistakes
and your incorrect
pride.
I shake my head
at the ancient times
because you're dead
does not mean
you are my prime
obligation
to be in my thoughts.
You have no
relation
to me anymore.
That's plain
and simply just
the way it is.
Lying to a False, Truthless King
You're such a fucking sweetheart
I applaud your lonely retaliations
You say to leave this town
to smile at your crown
But you,
You don't worry about me.
I am who I am and I'll be what I be
The light I have is the one you seek
The one I hold that renders you weak.
I speak only the truth
You spit lies among your youth
And preach your faith
Expecting all to believe
Though you are the kingdom's ruler
of able to decieve.
Let's turn the tables.
I recieve your careless remarks
And see you not inside the dark
But feel your lifeless, careless hate
You feel you've sealed my fate.
A deathly kiss you shadow with smiles
telling the innocent to come, stay a while
But I am running per minute a mile
Because I see right through
Your empty,
empty
soul.
You're a bold liar
But I rise above higher
And ignorance is the golden key
to escape the underworld
masked as a beautiful sea
where us creatures are summoned
but never leave
I please just ask you
To leave me fucking be.
I'll escape your arms that hold a fatal squeeze
With the coldest touch that will make me freeze.
I'll appoint you, a sold soul, with a faceless crown
As long as I'm able to leave this piece of shit town.
You call it a kingdom and declare this true?
You, you, and you,
Look around you.
You don't.
You look at the ground to
hide from this place and turn your cheek
from the false majesty,
the one who renders you weak.
Speak
For your freedom and liberty you will own
Until then you are held captive,
you stand alone.
The place you were born,
never able to turn back?
Well all I can say is,
Have fucking fun with that.
Don't ask your tyrant for a single thing
With bloody hands it stains his rings
You drown in your terror at the sight of his blood
We're treading water in the endless flood.
I applaud your lonely retaliations
You say to leave this town
to smile at your crown
But you,
You don't worry about me.
I am who I am and I'll be what I be
The light I have is the one you seek
The one I hold that renders you weak.
I speak only the truth
You spit lies among your youth
And preach your faith
Expecting all to believe
Though you are the kingdom's ruler
of able to decieve.
Let's turn the tables.
I recieve your careless remarks
And see you not inside the dark
But feel your lifeless, careless hate
You feel you've sealed my fate.
A deathly kiss you shadow with smiles
telling the innocent to come, stay a while
But I am running per minute a mile
Because I see right through
Your empty,
empty
soul.
You're a bold liar
But I rise above higher
And ignorance is the golden key
to escape the underworld
masked as a beautiful sea
where us creatures are summoned
but never leave
I please just ask you
To leave me fucking be.
I'll escape your arms that hold a fatal squeeze
With the coldest touch that will make me freeze.
I'll appoint you, a sold soul, with a faceless crown
As long as I'm able to leave this piece of shit town.
You call it a kingdom and declare this true?
You, you, and you,
Look around you.
You don't.
You look at the ground to
hide from this place and turn your cheek
from the false majesty,
the one who renders you weak.
Speak
For your freedom and liberty you will own
Until then you are held captive,
you stand alone.
The place you were born,
never able to turn back?
Well all I can say is,
Have fucking fun with that.
Don't ask your tyrant for a single thing
With bloody hands it stains his rings
You drown in your terror at the sight of his blood
We're treading water in the endless flood.
False Impressions
'And no, you never meant to, but you did. Be whoever you have to be, I won't judge you. And sing whatever you have to sing, to get it out and not become a recluse about your house - come out. I know you never meant to, but you did.'
Dear your lovely wish,
I hold a writhing gift within my hands
Debating if I should give in to vengeance' demands.
A catastrophe was only long overdue
A bomb setting off at an untimely cue.
Perfection between the universe and me
Wishing not to flee, like it's always been
Minor changes free you from imprisonment
Leaving me alone with the false sense of abandonment.
This bomb that detinated was your hidden thoughts
That you thought while we stood in an empty lot
But you masked them so well, giving false impressions
That kept me far from a lonely depression.
A lesson
that tells me to trust not one
Will lessen
the respect I once held
That you once won.
You turn your back whispering among pretty faces
That falsified 'love' and all of its traces.
Maybe forever love is a word too strong and true
Never worthy enough for anyone to use
Lies are what's given among leading on
But I will never say that you were wrong.
You told me the truth with false impressions
Despite your moves with the least discretion.
On the board we play I don't know where we stand
Within all frustrations you hold power in your hands.
You're within a timely line of truth and a lie
I know not which side you choose to defy.
I try to make my mark
It never sticks
That which I throw into a fiery mix
Burning my attempts, they sum to
Ashes at my feet
Where a wish and reality
Sadly crashes
When they are to meet.
Numbers hold you in the confines of bars
that could easily bend if you tried hard.
I never believed you held such fear
But I was easily decieved, now I see it clear.
Perhaps within everybody we are superficial
Even though I saw purity within your initials.
I hold a writhing gift, wishing to give it to you
But within my normalities I can't wish it upon you.
Maybe that's the difference between you and I
As we age we can't make sight
Eye to eye
No matter how hard we try.
Just let it die.
I'm ready for that funeral.
xoxo,
The Solidity of Reality
Dear your lovely wish,
I hold a writhing gift within my hands
Debating if I should give in to vengeance' demands.
A catastrophe was only long overdue
A bomb setting off at an untimely cue.
Perfection between the universe and me
Wishing not to flee, like it's always been
Minor changes free you from imprisonment
Leaving me alone with the false sense of abandonment.
This bomb that detinated was your hidden thoughts
That you thought while we stood in an empty lot
But you masked them so well, giving false impressions
That kept me far from a lonely depression.
A lesson
that tells me to trust not one
Will lessen
the respect I once held
That you once won.
You turn your back whispering among pretty faces
That falsified 'love' and all of its traces.
Maybe forever love is a word too strong and true
Never worthy enough for anyone to use
Lies are what's given among leading on
But I will never say that you were wrong.
You told me the truth with false impressions
Despite your moves with the least discretion.
On the board we play I don't know where we stand
Within all frustrations you hold power in your hands.
You're within a timely line of truth and a lie
I know not which side you choose to defy.
I try to make my mark
It never sticks
That which I throw into a fiery mix
Burning my attempts, they sum to
Ashes at my feet
Where a wish and reality
Sadly crashes
When they are to meet.
Numbers hold you in the confines of bars
that could easily bend if you tried hard.
I never believed you held such fear
But I was easily decieved, now I see it clear.
Perhaps within everybody we are superficial
Even though I saw purity within your initials.
I hold a writhing gift, wishing to give it to you
But within my normalities I can't wish it upon you.
Maybe that's the difference between you and I
As we age we can't make sight
Eye to eye
No matter how hard we try.
Just let it die.
I'm ready for that funeral.
xoxo,
The Solidity of Reality
For You
Still I need your sway, but you always pay for it. And I need your soul, cause you're always hopeful. And I need that heart, cause you're always in the right places.
My Dearest
We strive
seeking truth
hoping for that
feeling of bravery
that we once felt
we never had.
With everything
she's brought me
so much clarity
so much comprehension
to things I could never
discover on my own.
Those people that
strive for attempts
to push us off
a forever edge
we're on
And push our heads
down in the flood
that we tread water in
they
they do not understand
us
a combination
of two souls that mark
me and you.
In that sea of salt
we find a boat
as we were about to malt
the ragged wood sealed
protection
and healed the salted wounds.
And though we once
fell from our twist
we regained our
patience, our
love, our
hope, and our
regaining of
purity that once held true
in our souls within I and you
we shall hold it again
no matter anyone's say
in the forever friend
that we have for each other
every single day.
As long as I'm holding her hand
nobody else needs to understand.
She defines as
that one girl
that one push
that one gain
and that one best friend
who will forever push
and forever I will gain
the lessons learned
in this cruel, cruel game.
We together
we still strive
for every goal
time has defied.
But no longer we seek
a reward called hope
for the better
Because I know
within writing this letter
we know truth
and though this town
is full of lies
we will live through
all the detrimental downs
while the superficial die.
Standing upon this ground
we fall never
Ignorance blocking
the empty souled sounds
Best friends, forever.
xoxo
My Dearest
We strive
seeking truth
hoping for that
feeling of bravery
that we once felt
we never had.
With everything
she's brought me
so much clarity
so much comprehension
to things I could never
discover on my own.
Those people that
strive for attempts
to push us off
a forever edge
we're on
And push our heads
down in the flood
that we tread water in
they
they do not understand
us
a combination
of two souls that mark
me and you.
In that sea of salt
we find a boat
as we were about to malt
the ragged wood sealed
protection
and healed the salted wounds.
And though we once
fell from our twist
we regained our
patience, our
love, our
hope, and our
regaining of
purity that once held true
in our souls within I and you
we shall hold it again
no matter anyone's say
in the forever friend
that we have for each other
every single day.
As long as I'm holding her hand
nobody else needs to understand.
She defines as
that one girl
that one push
that one gain
and that one best friend
who will forever push
and forever I will gain
the lessons learned
in this cruel, cruel game.
We together
we still strive
for every goal
time has defied.
But no longer we seek
a reward called hope
for the better
Because I know
within writing this letter
we know truth
and though this town
is full of lies
we will live through
all the detrimental downs
while the superficial die.
Standing upon this ground
we fall never
Ignorance blocking
the empty souled sounds
Best friends, forever.
xoxo
Do whatever the fuck you want.
The one single thing we are taught to do in our lives: Obey.
The one thing our minds have most undoubtedly been wired to do. Since birth we have been dictated by our parents, first, to do what? Don't touch that. By our teachers: colour inside of the lines. And by God, a fucking faceless creature of nothingness created by society to do one thing, and one thing only: obey.
And why? Because the whole world is afraid of absolute chaos, as they're defining now as free will. Without hierachy the world goes insane. We touch that, and we colour outside of the lines, and we say, fuck you, God. And you know what I say?Good!
If one glorious day came where we could all do whatever the fuck we wanted, at least we'd all have a sense of content that is so rarely ever felt these days. You want to go roam carelessly under the starry night's sky? Go do it. You want to go drink until your lungs are full with alcohol? Have fun. You want to go murder? So fucking be it. Letyourself deal with the consequences, because over time we ourselves would rule our own minds, and only our sense of guilt would sentence us to our fates.
And let it be, I say, because the only person who can insult you, correct you, and judge you, as harshly as possible is only and solely yourself.
And how mad does it make you when somebody tries to dictate your own world? The way you think? Or even what you do? Look the fuck around you: it's everywhere. The government, the police, the schoolboard, parents, bosses? They control every single goddamned thing you do and the way you do it.
So you want to know my opinion? We're screwed. If you choose to give in to obedience you're selling away and butchering off the pieces of your souls. And I don't give a shit what you think, because all our opinions are based on other's affiliated with so called 'authority', enforcing the way you think, the way you talk, the way you blink, and the way you walk. Your mind got shot the minute you entered this confined, hell hole, held down placed called Earth.
We have nothing to value but our souls, and we're so carelessly and subconsciously giving away every single bit of it. We give it to those who recieve and then dispel them into our air, that slowly disappear and that which we cannot recollect. Materialism and currency and the government have sold us off into this world that has converted to a kingdom underground - where water drips and slowly leaks and everybody weeps as we see our souls float away, counting each and every day until we're drowning in floods and recieving the blood we've taken so carelessly. We're fucking it all forever, and seeing nothing for never and never.
We are all bound to be screwed by the stiches authority sews into this shitty, worthless, useless piece of fabric.
Amen.
The one thing our minds have most undoubtedly been wired to do. Since birth we have been dictated by our parents, first, to do what? Don't touch that. By our teachers: colour inside of the lines. And by God, a fucking faceless creature of nothingness created by society to do one thing, and one thing only: obey.
And why? Because the whole world is afraid of absolute chaos, as they're defining now as free will. Without hierachy the world goes insane. We touch that, and we colour outside of the lines, and we say, fuck you, God. And you know what I say?Good!
If one glorious day came where we could all do whatever the fuck we wanted, at least we'd all have a sense of content that is so rarely ever felt these days. You want to go roam carelessly under the starry night's sky? Go do it. You want to go drink until your lungs are full with alcohol? Have fun. You want to go murder? So fucking be it. Letyourself deal with the consequences, because over time we ourselves would rule our own minds, and only our sense of guilt would sentence us to our fates.
And let it be, I say, because the only person who can insult you, correct you, and judge you, as harshly as possible is only and solely yourself.
And how mad does it make you when somebody tries to dictate your own world? The way you think? Or even what you do? Look the fuck around you: it's everywhere. The government, the police, the schoolboard, parents, bosses? They control every single goddamned thing you do and the way you do it.
So you want to know my opinion? We're screwed. If you choose to give in to obedience you're selling away and butchering off the pieces of your souls. And I don't give a shit what you think, because all our opinions are based on other's affiliated with so called 'authority', enforcing the way you think, the way you talk, the way you blink, and the way you walk. Your mind got shot the minute you entered this confined, hell hole, held down placed called Earth.
We have nothing to value but our souls, and we're so carelessly and subconsciously giving away every single bit of it. We give it to those who recieve and then dispel them into our air, that slowly disappear and that which we cannot recollect. Materialism and currency and the government have sold us off into this world that has converted to a kingdom underground - where water drips and slowly leaks and everybody weeps as we see our souls float away, counting each and every day until we're drowning in floods and recieving the blood we've taken so carelessly. We're fucking it all forever, and seeing nothing for never and never.
We are all bound to be screwed by the stiches authority sews into this shitty, worthless, useless piece of fabric.
Amen.
Reviving the Death of the Past
Written December 15th, 2008
"Want to know a secret?" He leans close and whispers in my ear. The halls are empty as classes resume, I have returned from having a smoke from the confines of the school. I have turned the corner and there he is. Him.
I feel like smiling and throwing up at the same time. This shouldn't be happening. I only talk to Him when is necessary. I don't find leisure time to think about him, to speak of or to him. Most definitely not to him. I can't bring myself to, or else I'd feel things I wish I'd never felt. This isn't right, this isn't moral, this isn't true. He shouldmean nothing. But even I know he doesn't.
He leans back from me abruptly, his eyebrows in a knit. "I probably shouldn't tell you." I am frozen; I say nothing. I know what he wants to say. He wants to tell me something about him and me. Something about our past that I just want to bury. Burn. Abandon. Run.
"I don't want to know." I say quietly, and turn to walk away. He grabs my arm, and when I turn to face him, we're inches apart. His breath swiftly brushes my cheek, it tingles making my stomach twist in sickness, yet excitement. Curiosity. I know I should walk away, but my feet lock my frame into place, like fate has sentenced me to this exact moment, despite my better intentions to flee.
"I still have feelings for you." He says softly, determined. He slides his hand down my arm, cupping my wrist. This is everything I do and don't want at the same time. The seconds are ticking by, and I don't want to say anything. Make it or break it. I wish I had time to think.
I know my feelings for him, I know I want him. But she's my best friend. I have another boy in my heart. There isn't room for two. There isn't room for two.
In my mind, I'm standing at the edge of risk cliff. I must make a decision: jump off, or fall back?
"I shouldn't have said that," He says, his voice leaking with doubt. He looks away, his eyes looking pained and angry. The face I remember and sympathize for so well. The face that once meant everything to me. Anything and everything affiliating with that face, He always came to my mind. He never left it. I just always tried to block it from my free conscience.
My head escapes me in all misfortune, fate forcing me to make the move on the board we play, and there's only one thing I can say. "I still have feelings for you, too."
I must remember to regard my heart, and guard my shins. I jump off the cliff, the dance with the devil begins.
"Want to know a secret?" He leans close and whispers in my ear. The halls are empty as classes resume, I have returned from having a smoke from the confines of the school. I have turned the corner and there he is. Him.
I feel like smiling and throwing up at the same time. This shouldn't be happening. I only talk to Him when is necessary. I don't find leisure time to think about him, to speak of or to him. Most definitely not to him. I can't bring myself to, or else I'd feel things I wish I'd never felt. This isn't right, this isn't moral, this isn't true. He shouldmean nothing. But even I know he doesn't.
He leans back from me abruptly, his eyebrows in a knit. "I probably shouldn't tell you." I am frozen; I say nothing. I know what he wants to say. He wants to tell me something about him and me. Something about our past that I just want to bury. Burn. Abandon. Run.
"I don't want to know." I say quietly, and turn to walk away. He grabs my arm, and when I turn to face him, we're inches apart. His breath swiftly brushes my cheek, it tingles making my stomach twist in sickness, yet excitement. Curiosity. I know I should walk away, but my feet lock my frame into place, like fate has sentenced me to this exact moment, despite my better intentions to flee.
"I still have feelings for you." He says softly, determined. He slides his hand down my arm, cupping my wrist. This is everything I do and don't want at the same time. The seconds are ticking by, and I don't want to say anything. Make it or break it. I wish I had time to think.
I know my feelings for him, I know I want him. But she's my best friend. I have another boy in my heart. There isn't room for two. There isn't room for two.
In my mind, I'm standing at the edge of risk cliff. I must make a decision: jump off, or fall back?
"I shouldn't have said that," He says, his voice leaking with doubt. He looks away, his eyes looking pained and angry. The face I remember and sympathize for so well. The face that once meant everything to me. Anything and everything affiliating with that face, He always came to my mind. He never left it. I just always tried to block it from my free conscience.
My head escapes me in all misfortune, fate forcing me to make the move on the board we play, and there's only one thing I can say. "I still have feelings for you, too."
I must remember to regard my heart, and guard my shins. I jump off the cliff, the dance with the devil begins.
Weightless Feels Worthless
I looked back to a past piece
thinking maybe to repeat
but now I deny.
I've been explained to
the cries of empty souls
but it does not
patch the hole of pain
or sew a gash of
anger
but stiches could never
heal me.
Smile at your brilliance
but your past to present ways
I prevent.
My communication fails
you dread the rest of your days.
So easily drowned
in relevance
but I can't pick myself up
from the rest.
Like I sponge I absorb
what feelings aren't
mine to feel
But others steal my
smiles
the feeling so unreal.
All the while
time passes in
evens
and
odds
sometimes filling
the empty hole
or drying my
cracking lips.
Saying words I never believed
would escape my
broken lips
you hold my wants
you have my needs
and you imprison
my fear.
You scare me to an edge
where two frightened parts
of me meet - I either let
you
or
the ground
be a murderous component
to life.
I smile so much
and wish upon you that fate.
My bleeding lips make
the devil's grin
witholds my control
and cares less of sin.
Weightless feels worthless.
That's the way life goes.
thinking maybe to repeat
but now I deny.
I've been explained to
the cries of empty souls
but it does not
patch the hole of pain
or sew a gash of
anger
but stiches could never
heal me.
Smile at your brilliance
but your past to present ways
I prevent.
My communication fails
you dread the rest of your days.
So easily drowned
in relevance
but I can't pick myself up
from the rest.
Like I sponge I absorb
what feelings aren't
mine to feel
But others steal my
smiles
the feeling so unreal.
All the while
time passes in
evens
and
odds
sometimes filling
the empty hole
or drying my
cracking lips.
Saying words I never believed
would escape my
broken lips
you hold my wants
you have my needs
and you imprison
my fear.
You scare me to an edge
where two frightened parts
of me meet - I either let
you
or
the ground
be a murderous component
to life.
I smile so much
and wish upon you that fate.
My bleeding lips make
the devil's grin
witholds my control
and cares less of sin.
Weightless feels worthless.
That's the way life goes.
Past
The Lines
What lies against the wall
is that of the
present, the
future,
and our worries
of both.
Let's stop
and think about none
but the third option.
Secrecy unfolded
the creases of the paper
I once touched with ink.
Words of
hope
commitment
and somewhat that of
love.
Questions dotted
with a mark
but I smile and ignore
never forget.
These turn to haunt me
at our peak of
happiness where it
rises with the sun.
Somehow life
reveals within
these creases
my doubts
that reside in frowns
turning down
commitment
hope
and of all
that somewhat of love.
You tore me from the page
after seeing
through my eyes
but you misunderstood
the picture that lies
within.
We see that beautiful
sunrise, the clouds
lining with hope
from yourself
but I turn my back
and seek the shade.
The decisions I made
don't think I don't
regret
because seeing the aftermath
after all has faded
lets me re-evaluate doubt
and seeing me without
what you had to offer.
Pain
used to seep through the cracks
of the concrete walls
of my heart
and my hope falls
from the steepest heights.
I chose not to
remember
because it hurts.
You flirted with the other side
heard the thunder
loved what it had to offer
and now I cry
as you're buried six feet under.
I miss you
and you
and you
who left me
but never left me either.
Moving on
is of the question
that dots
this crumpled page
making me question the
decisions I've made
and I know that feeling
of being degraded.
I know.
But me
I've seen redemption.
Myself
gathering the puzzle
pieces of hope
soggy and marred
piecing back a faded
puzzle that will determine
the future.
We still have a chance
to make up for the
unforgiven.
Stop being livid
let go of the anger
that's given
and repiece my puzzle.
I'll do the same
and we both can claim
what we fixed
sorting out
what's in the mix.
From first to last
never forgetting the past
drastic changes or not
chances are not shot.
Babydoll.
xoxo
What lies against the wall
is that of the
present, the
future,
and our worries
of both.
Let's stop
and think about none
but the third option.
Secrecy unfolded
the creases of the paper
I once touched with ink.
Words of
hope
commitment
and somewhat that of
love.
Questions dotted
with a mark
but I smile and ignore
never forget.
These turn to haunt me
at our peak of
happiness where it
rises with the sun.
Somehow life
reveals within
these creases
my doubts
that reside in frowns
turning down
commitment
hope
and of all
that somewhat of love.
You tore me from the page
after seeing
through my eyes
but you misunderstood
the picture that lies
within.
We see that beautiful
sunrise, the clouds
lining with hope
from yourself
but I turn my back
and seek the shade.
The decisions I made
don't think I don't
regret
because seeing the aftermath
after all has faded
lets me re-evaluate doubt
and seeing me without
what you had to offer.
Pain
used to seep through the cracks
of the concrete walls
of my heart
and my hope falls
from the steepest heights.
I chose not to
remember
because it hurts.
You flirted with the other side
heard the thunder
loved what it had to offer
and now I cry
as you're buried six feet under.
I miss you
and you
and you
who left me
but never left me either.
Moving on
is of the question
that dots
this crumpled page
making me question the
decisions I've made
and I know that feeling
of being degraded.
I know.
But me
I've seen redemption.
Myself
gathering the puzzle
pieces of hope
soggy and marred
piecing back a faded
puzzle that will determine
the future.
We still have a chance
to make up for the
unforgiven.
Stop being livid
let go of the anger
that's given
and repiece my puzzle.
I'll do the same
and we both can claim
what we fixed
sorting out
what's in the mix.
From first to last
never forgetting the past
drastic changes or not
chances are not shot.
Babydoll.
xoxo
Present
The Flow
Dragging my fingernails at the wall, the sound makes you so much wish your ears were deafened. I do not smile at your agony nor do I wish to comfort it, because a twist of both would imprint in my heart and therefore start a time to our endless beginnings.
I clicked Pause when I thought I did Stop, but destiny knew better than I. I once pried at the thought of you with your hands on one other prize that killed me to see and saw ours die. I lied when I said I didn't care because I knew better than to stare - stare fate in the eyes and all of its being, I wished to know not what it was seeing. Knowing I could know it all, I chose to deny and chose to fall to my normal state, while fate clucked its tongue and clung to my lungs, my breathing heavy.
I could feel its seething and its eyes boring, nearly stopping my heart in all of its glory. Anger touched my veins, and feeling insane I fought back and screamed of that, your face feeling slapped. But your face still stung and to her you clung, my realizing the stupidity of that in myself. Yet you did not cry nor did you report, I feel I was your last resort.
Astonished to see this untrue, you walked away feeling sad and blue. As everybody cried and needed help, I sat in a corner and kept to myself. The whispering walls masked as fate told me to state the truth of me, what I am to be and what I really see. As much as I wished to I bit my lip, letting the revulsion in my stomach sit. It hit me when I saw him standing right there, offering his hands and saying he cares. As much as I resented what was to occur, the present is all that holds, and not the future.
So I sat in my corner and closed my eyes, fate stomping its feet within my demise. Not much is revealed or to be said, because I cannot tell difference between the living and the dead.
The present is tricky to decipher and determine, like a preacher standing revoking his sermon. Confusion and definition defines the unnerving present, rendering to know and fate being pleasent. You just can't know, because decisions can't show. Someday we will all glow within the knowledge and the flow of energy that rises and tells me if my hands will touch his as he pulls me with strength to stand - or maybe they will brand me and burn everything I've worked so hard to earn. Independence is something shattered when you forget everything that matters, giving into him, weakening your limbs, and the day it ends is the day of the grim. Forever in a corner I would sit, never admitting to fate it was right, its sight I should have seen in all that could've been.
But between you and me,
we'll see.
Dragging my fingernails at the wall, the sound makes you so much wish your ears were deafened. I do not smile at your agony nor do I wish to comfort it, because a twist of both would imprint in my heart and therefore start a time to our endless beginnings.
I clicked Pause when I thought I did Stop, but destiny knew better than I. I once pried at the thought of you with your hands on one other prize that killed me to see and saw ours die. I lied when I said I didn't care because I knew better than to stare - stare fate in the eyes and all of its being, I wished to know not what it was seeing. Knowing I could know it all, I chose to deny and chose to fall to my normal state, while fate clucked its tongue and clung to my lungs, my breathing heavy.
I could feel its seething and its eyes boring, nearly stopping my heart in all of its glory. Anger touched my veins, and feeling insane I fought back and screamed of that, your face feeling slapped. But your face still stung and to her you clung, my realizing the stupidity of that in myself. Yet you did not cry nor did you report, I feel I was your last resort.
Astonished to see this untrue, you walked away feeling sad and blue. As everybody cried and needed help, I sat in a corner and kept to myself. The whispering walls masked as fate told me to state the truth of me, what I am to be and what I really see. As much as I wished to I bit my lip, letting the revulsion in my stomach sit. It hit me when I saw him standing right there, offering his hands and saying he cares. As much as I resented what was to occur, the present is all that holds, and not the future.
So I sat in my corner and closed my eyes, fate stomping its feet within my demise. Not much is revealed or to be said, because I cannot tell difference between the living and the dead.
The present is tricky to decipher and determine, like a preacher standing revoking his sermon. Confusion and definition defines the unnerving present, rendering to know and fate being pleasent. You just can't know, because decisions can't show. Someday we will all glow within the knowledge and the flow of energy that rises and tells me if my hands will touch his as he pulls me with strength to stand - or maybe they will brand me and burn everything I've worked so hard to earn. Independence is something shattered when you forget everything that matters, giving into him, weakening your limbs, and the day it ends is the day of the grim. Forever in a corner I would sit, never admitting to fate it was right, its sight I should have seen in all that could've been.
But between you and me,
we'll see.
Future
The Wall
You can't pretend you held my hand. I miss your smile, I miss your smile. I need you now, I need you now. I am not scared of falling down, I am not scared of dark, dark clouds.
Heat radiating within my hands,
I feel no chill from where I stand.
Expectation seeks my chills,
Though Spirit already knows of my strong will.
Speaking of strength I look at the wall,
Thinking there I stood, there I would fall.
But decisions show or hide an empty path,
With billions of others if you did the math.
Staring at the wall, I know what it hides.
By the rules of life you must abide.
NO TRESPASSING a sign declares,
Anyone who dares faces the wrath of the police,
The sirens blare.
Snowflakes touch my fingertips,
Each one contains a word.
One option, one piece to life to add,
Or discard as if it's no worth.
Confusion unravels as you look at this wall,
Feeling as if you're without.
The clock ticks on in even beats,
Water curing the lifeless drought.
.
I now sit within an empty home
.
The winter frost upholds my window,
I touch the cold, sullen glass.
Last year I mourned whatever was left,
Laying flowers upon the grass.
I walked through a valley far and wide,
Searching for a faithful guide.
One spirit walked along with me,
Until so known I forgot and could not see.
No, I did not mourn the loss,
Another came along with the frost.
I smiled at companionship,
But something was missing.
Tuned out to the birds I could only listen.
Humans didn't interest me, nor I did them;
They only looked for compelling murder,
All my sins condemned.
I shook my head and walked away,
Sad that life has to be this way.
The world alone looks so spacious and free,
But we are all held within society.
Greed and the villians make the ground dry,
From this thought I could surely cry.
When I think of my dream world,
All my wants it holds,
The paper divided and freedom unfolds.
But I am held within the confines of life,
Making everything hard to just feel alright.
Weeping over the generic concept,
None of my needs acknowledged or met.
Don't you just know you need something else?
Necessities met, or you live without a pulse.
I don't know what fills the empty hole,
Because I feel I've been dismissed from my soul.
Comprehension escapes the exact,
Because everything is fact
And never that of possibilty.
The higher scares me to no end,
Because then our 'reality' breaks or bends.
You can never expect even though you ponder,
Through space and time I wish I could wander.
Can't you hear the whispers that exist within the sphere?
Sometimes loud, others are mere.
Hope for the best of what the future holds,
Or else we're screwed with empty holes.
We can wish, we can dream
For all of that we've never seen.
We can learn, we can be,
But it seems impossible to be free.
Maybe it's that day, we're old and 83,
That day we close our eyes.
We're underneath the covers,
Smiling at our lover,
Remembering our brothers,
Mothers, and all significant others.
Seeking the truth, forgetting the lies,
We pry.
The day that wall comes down and crashes,
Never thinking to pick up the ashes.
Moving on the day you died,
forgetting all the tears you cried,
Moving on to the brighter side.
Remembering you, remembering me...
We're finally free.
.
Of this forgetting all we're told,
this is what the future withholds.
.
xoxo
You can't pretend you held my hand. I miss your smile, I miss your smile. I need you now, I need you now. I am not scared of falling down, I am not scared of dark, dark clouds.
Heat radiating within my hands,
I feel no chill from where I stand.
Expectation seeks my chills,
Though Spirit already knows of my strong will.
Speaking of strength I look at the wall,
Thinking there I stood, there I would fall.
But decisions show or hide an empty path,
With billions of others if you did the math.
Staring at the wall, I know what it hides.
By the rules of life you must abide.
NO TRESPASSING a sign declares,
Anyone who dares faces the wrath of the police,
The sirens blare.
Snowflakes touch my fingertips,
Each one contains a word.
One option, one piece to life to add,
Or discard as if it's no worth.
Confusion unravels as you look at this wall,
Feeling as if you're without.
The clock ticks on in even beats,
Water curing the lifeless drought.
.
I now sit within an empty home
.
The winter frost upholds my window,
I touch the cold, sullen glass.
Last year I mourned whatever was left,
Laying flowers upon the grass.
I walked through a valley far and wide,
Searching for a faithful guide.
One spirit walked along with me,
Until so known I forgot and could not see.
No, I did not mourn the loss,
Another came along with the frost.
I smiled at companionship,
But something was missing.
Tuned out to the birds I could only listen.
Humans didn't interest me, nor I did them;
They only looked for compelling murder,
All my sins condemned.
I shook my head and walked away,
Sad that life has to be this way.
The world alone looks so spacious and free,
But we are all held within society.
Greed and the villians make the ground dry,
From this thought I could surely cry.
When I think of my dream world,
All my wants it holds,
The paper divided and freedom unfolds.
But I am held within the confines of life,
Making everything hard to just feel alright.
Weeping over the generic concept,
None of my needs acknowledged or met.
Don't you just know you need something else?
Necessities met, or you live without a pulse.
I don't know what fills the empty hole,
Because I feel I've been dismissed from my soul.
Comprehension escapes the exact,
Because everything is fact
And never that of possibilty.
The higher scares me to no end,
Because then our 'reality' breaks or bends.
You can never expect even though you ponder,
Through space and time I wish I could wander.
Can't you hear the whispers that exist within the sphere?
Sometimes loud, others are mere.
Hope for the best of what the future holds,
Or else we're screwed with empty holes.
We can wish, we can dream
For all of that we've never seen.
We can learn, we can be,
But it seems impossible to be free.
Maybe it's that day, we're old and 83,
That day we close our eyes.
We're underneath the covers,
Smiling at our lover,
Remembering our brothers,
Mothers, and all significant others.
Seeking the truth, forgetting the lies,
We pry.
The day that wall comes down and crashes,
Never thinking to pick up the ashes.
Moving on the day you died,
forgetting all the tears you cried,
Moving on to the brighter side.
Remembering you, remembering me...
We're finally free.
.
Of this forgetting all we're told,
this is what the future withholds.
.
xoxo
How Are You?
Well, I'm
Hating the terrible recognition within my brain - writers block unfolds and presents me a pen. I eye it with hesitance. So much clutter has seemed to fill the want, but as my ink touches the paper that feeling fades. I wade in the waters of confusion and feel a mix of anger and hatred - they flush my face with heat. I hate your guts but you still make my skin hot. This is one of the vary demons that haunt me.
I cannot bring myself to face the world. Sometimes I feel I don't matter. Not just me, all of us. I constantly wish to be on my own so these demons will break the chains they've locked on my neck and leave me be. They follow my every move and remind me of the hate - the state of mind I once resorted to. And now it invites itself into me and anger releases through my pores, making me ask for more. I hate everything, or so it seems, frustrations within all, even in my dreams. They're blank and hold nothing to say, because the world focuses my eyes another way. I hate you for what you turned this into. I hate me for letting go. I hate her for knowing, and she hates him for showing it.
Time is forever fucking endless in this piece of shit town where nothing fades and we all live in shades of grey. To this day still to be judged, two years with no consideration from the jury who sit in my courtroom - yet they dictate the rules? Society is bullshit.
Everything muddles and results to nothing.
Lovers cuddle but love absolutely nothing.
The "king" wears a crown but does a good nothing.
Even when I could, there I stood, doing nothing.
It's unbelievable, the way life is, I just don't understand. People spend their whole lives searching for answers and die without. It makes me so much sympathize those with a religion, because during cynical times I see the so called blind side. The blunt side. The side where nobody wishes to go. But we all wake up from dreams, we always do. This bitter fact scares me to no end.
And so demons follow in suit - their sharp teeth bare as they scream false fates within my ear, and swear they'll be the death of me. Sometimes I willow in fear and others I bask in delightful carelessness. Either way I cry. The demons try always to break me down, to spin me round and make me see their being - to put me in my place, but I spt in their face. It doesn't make me victorious - it just makes me in for a hell of a night.
Past, present, future: all of which I've attempted to comprehend just to feel a sense of security, but it's never a possibility. The world hides in mysterious ways, making sure never to give away what it knows. And here I grow, within a place where I don't feel safe. Where I feel I could lose my sanity without a trace; where everybody just wants to save face. While superficial rule, where we're all cruel, where we don't care, we just fucking stare, and stare, and stare. So let me make one thing clear: I hate the world, it seers my mind and lied all this time when it told me I'd grow up fine. I'm not fine. I'mnot okay with this way. So why am I told it'll be okay? Because you don't care? She's too busy? We're all too busy. We all don't care. We're selfish, closed-minded, and affiliated with the greed of wanting to know more. We all want to do it first and have an original and make the most money. This is all just crappy. I want to say I just want to be happy. To see glory.
But we know there's always more to that story.
_ _
.
Hating the terrible recognition within my brain - writers block unfolds and presents me a pen. I eye it with hesitance. So much clutter has seemed to fill the want, but as my ink touches the paper that feeling fades. I wade in the waters of confusion and feel a mix of anger and hatred - they flush my face with heat. I hate your guts but you still make my skin hot. This is one of the vary demons that haunt me.
I cannot bring myself to face the world. Sometimes I feel I don't matter. Not just me, all of us. I constantly wish to be on my own so these demons will break the chains they've locked on my neck and leave me be. They follow my every move and remind me of the hate - the state of mind I once resorted to. And now it invites itself into me and anger releases through my pores, making me ask for more. I hate everything, or so it seems, frustrations within all, even in my dreams. They're blank and hold nothing to say, because the world focuses my eyes another way. I hate you for what you turned this into. I hate me for letting go. I hate her for knowing, and she hates him for showing it.
Time is forever fucking endless in this piece of shit town where nothing fades and we all live in shades of grey. To this day still to be judged, two years with no consideration from the jury who sit in my courtroom - yet they dictate the rules? Society is bullshit.
Everything muddles and results to nothing.
Lovers cuddle but love absolutely nothing.
The "king" wears a crown but does a good nothing.
Even when I could, there I stood, doing nothing.
It's unbelievable, the way life is, I just don't understand. People spend their whole lives searching for answers and die without. It makes me so much sympathize those with a religion, because during cynical times I see the so called blind side. The blunt side. The side where nobody wishes to go. But we all wake up from dreams, we always do. This bitter fact scares me to no end.
And so demons follow in suit - their sharp teeth bare as they scream false fates within my ear, and swear they'll be the death of me. Sometimes I willow in fear and others I bask in delightful carelessness. Either way I cry. The demons try always to break me down, to spin me round and make me see their being - to put me in my place, but I spt in their face. It doesn't make me victorious - it just makes me in for a hell of a night.
Past, present, future: all of which I've attempted to comprehend just to feel a sense of security, but it's never a possibility. The world hides in mysterious ways, making sure never to give away what it knows. And here I grow, within a place where I don't feel safe. Where I feel I could lose my sanity without a trace; where everybody just wants to save face. While superficial rule, where we're all cruel, where we don't care, we just fucking stare, and stare, and stare. So let me make one thing clear: I hate the world, it seers my mind and lied all this time when it told me I'd grow up fine. I'm not fine. I'mnot okay with this way. So why am I told it'll be okay? Because you don't care? She's too busy? We're all too busy. We all don't care. We're selfish, closed-minded, and affiliated with the greed of wanting to know more. We all want to do it first and have an original and make the most money. This is all just crappy. I want to say I just want to be happy. To see glory.
But we know there's always more to that story.
_ _
.
Here I Am Now
The Fog of the Barren, Stripped, and Ruined
Every step I take with the wind rain spits
I sit with serenity in my mind,
Though every aspect of stressfulness hits.
The demons trail behind but I ignore
Every thought that rises like a cloud that soars.
I walk in the middle of a soaken road
Wondering if a car will hit the load.
The walls of a home cannot confine
What holds in this ever thoughtful mind.
The streetlamps shine over the drips on my coat
Little drops of rain that would once float
Above with the sun to create a cloud
And muffle the sounds that once were loud.
Peace is all I ask within this generic 'thing'
Call it what you will but it brings what it brings.
Though life seems enormous within the sphere
There are other 'things' to praise and fear.
Thoughts like these arise above my head
As the fog lingers like flock to a stead.
Though my knees are weak and my legs are strung
I walk through a starless night with heavy lungs.
I've walked away from the clutter and stress
That follows within a weekly mess
My head is clear and here I can ponder
What life is to bring and where I will wander.
I walk through the night without a tear's shed
Not one thing to weep with a stressless head.
The birds do not exist and there silence prevails
Among the shadowed trees appearing stale
Bare without a thought though potential shows
During the winter its abilities we'll never know.
A depressing season although I smile
Though the fear that should surely file
Under that which exists within the hole
That fills with empty worries with all it witholds.
The angels glance down at my very being
But do not smile to what they are seeing.
I ignore their cares because they cannot see
What crosses my mind when I look at the trees
What I think about the vacancy of bees
What I comprehend the day my father flees
What I witness in the eyes of the one who sees
What I believe when I think of their higher
What I know when it comes to liars.
What I attract and what I repel
Who I think decieves and who does rebel.
What I grieve for those of their loss
what I pay when it comes to mental cost.
What I stress for physical extracts
What I detest of the facts of exacts.
What I see when I look at their face
When I know their title is not their place.
Knowing the aspects of the angel's living
Knowing what they're truly giving.
Knowing what they sacrifice and what they do not
Knowing they don't know that hell is hot
Knowing they don't know what it is to be real
Knowing they don't know how to truly feel.
Knowing they don't know what it feels to hit the floor
Knowing they don't know what it is to be more.
Knowing they don't know a door slammed in their face
Knowing they don't know what it feels to fall from grace.
Knowing.
And seeing.
Both sides of the story,
I know how it feels to fall from glory.
My advantage is the choice to choose and tell
About the day I was an angel, and only once fell.
Here I am Now
Every step I take with the wind rain spits
I sit with serenity in my mind,
Though every aspect of stressfulness hits.
The demons trail behind but I ignore
Every thought that rises like a cloud that soars.
I walk in the middle of a soaken road
Wondering if a car will hit the load.
The walls of a home cannot confine
What holds in this ever thoughtful mind.
The streetlamps shine over the drips on my coat
Little drops of rain that would once float
Above with the sun to create a cloud
And muffle the sounds that once were loud.
Peace is all I ask within this generic 'thing'
Call it what you will but it brings what it brings.
Though life seems enormous within the sphere
There are other 'things' to praise and fear.
Thoughts like these arise above my head
As the fog lingers like flock to a stead.
Though my knees are weak and my legs are strung
I walk through a starless night with heavy lungs.
I've walked away from the clutter and stress
That follows within a weekly mess
My head is clear and here I can ponder
What life is to bring and where I will wander.
I walk through the night without a tear's shed
Not one thing to weep with a stressless head.
The birds do not exist and there silence prevails
Among the shadowed trees appearing stale
Bare without a thought though potential shows
During the winter its abilities we'll never know.
A depressing season although I smile
Though the fear that should surely file
Under that which exists within the hole
That fills with empty worries with all it witholds.
The angels glance down at my very being
But do not smile to what they are seeing.
I ignore their cares because they cannot see
What crosses my mind when I look at the trees
What I think about the vacancy of bees
What I comprehend the day my father flees
What I witness in the eyes of the one who sees
What I believe when I think of their higher
What I know when it comes to liars.
What I attract and what I repel
Who I think decieves and who does rebel.
What I grieve for those of their loss
what I pay when it comes to mental cost.
What I stress for physical extracts
What I detest of the facts of exacts.
What I see when I look at their face
When I know their title is not their place.
Knowing the aspects of the angel's living
Knowing what they're truly giving.
Knowing what they sacrifice and what they do not
Knowing they don't know that hell is hot
Knowing they don't know what it is to be real
Knowing they don't know how to truly feel.
Knowing they don't know what it feels to hit the floor
Knowing they don't know what it is to be more.
Knowing they don't know a door slammed in their face
Knowing they don't know what it feels to fall from grace.
Knowing.
And seeing.
Both sides of the story,
I know how it feels to fall from glory.
My advantage is the choice to choose and tell
About the day I was an angel, and only once fell.
Here I am Now
Block
Time and time again
I seek and see
Ideas set free
And let loose to
Reveal.
I pray
And hope
This feeling will not
Fade
Because forever it feels
The block of a writer
Witholds a hungry man's meals.
Discouraged
Without a spark
Like an impatient log
Waiting to be lit.
Frustration
Brands my feet
And the sickness
From my heart
Is held within the confines
Of a mysterious authority
A hidden face
Bars are all around
My pen's rightful place.
I feel I will be
Insane by sunrise
I hope for
A spark,
A smile from morning,
But nothing appears
And I shake my head.
Faith slowly backs
Away from my heart
And a belief that
This
Is my calling
Reisdes far from
Me.
Attempt after
Attempt
Worthless.
The birth of
Inspiration
Is nonexistent.
I sit in a dark
Space and for what
A third party would call
Depression,
It's only what I feel.
It's a wish
To be numb with
Nothing
Because nothing right now
Is to be felt but
Anger and
Regret and
Sadness and
I hate
the feeling of
Madness
Yet it appears as if
It's my only charm.
I promised no harm
But it seems I lied
Because the thing keeping me sane
Apparently died
And I've tried time
And time again to revive
But nothing results
And regretfully
I cry
Out of
Anger
Sadness
Madness
and Hatred
Like my life is designed
To work for some time
Grant me happiness
And then resign,
My universe
Far from aligned.
Everything is far
From content but
I continue to fight
For what's mine
Because I'm entitled to
What everybody else witholds.
I'm strong and I am bold
So why can't I claim
That shiny gold?
Like you,
And you, and you,
I'll win too.
I'll keep trying,
Hope is never dying
Anytime soon.
xoxo
I seek and see
Ideas set free
And let loose to
Reveal.
I pray
And hope
This feeling will not
Fade
Because forever it feels
The block of a writer
Witholds a hungry man's meals.
Discouraged
Without a spark
Like an impatient log
Waiting to be lit.
Frustration
Brands my feet
And the sickness
From my heart
Is held within the confines
Of a mysterious authority
A hidden face
Bars are all around
My pen's rightful place.
I feel I will be
Insane by sunrise
I hope for
A spark,
A smile from morning,
But nothing appears
And I shake my head.
Faith slowly backs
Away from my heart
And a belief that
This
Is my calling
Reisdes far from
Me.
Attempt after
Attempt
Worthless.
The birth of
Inspiration
Is nonexistent.
I sit in a dark
Space and for what
A third party would call
Depression,
It's only what I feel.
It's a wish
To be numb with
Nothing
Because nothing right now
Is to be felt but
Anger and
Regret and
Sadness and
I hate
the feeling of
Madness
Yet it appears as if
It's my only charm.
I promised no harm
But it seems I lied
Because the thing keeping me sane
Apparently died
And I've tried time
And time again to revive
But nothing results
And regretfully
I cry
Out of
Anger
Sadness
Madness
and Hatred
Like my life is designed
To work for some time
Grant me happiness
And then resign,
My universe
Far from aligned.
Everything is far
From content but
I continue to fight
For what's mine
Because I'm entitled to
What everybody else witholds.
I'm strong and I am bold
So why can't I claim
That shiny gold?
Like you,
And you, and you,
I'll win too.
I'll keep trying,
Hope is never dying
Anytime soon.
xoxo
Happiness Isn't Forever
I once was told that the winter, this winter, would be a shiny platform for me to stand on. After this prophecy I stood with hesitance, eyeing the shine that surely could make you blind. The platform was mine. Not something to gain in time, my own. And this was clearly shown with carved letters that engraved my name; I was quite sure I was playing a game. Doubt caused me to regret its existence, and with pure resistance I pushed myself to walk away. My guide shook her head to be displeased as I said, "Please, will you leave me be?" Solemnly she agreed and demons followed to scream false fates and make my heart hollow.
I sat in the center of a cold hard street. Night time prevailed and I did appear weak. I weeped at my rejection to an offered rebirth, and feeling hurt I laid my head on the pavement thinking there was no replacement for this life. This life, so bitter and cold, convinced this is the way until I am old. I looked up to bright stars within the sky, but so high I could not reach. My guide appeared and preached:
"What stupidity followed you home? I gave you something too good to refuse, and you walked away thinking I'd be amused. What, did you lose? Did you fail a test? No, and now all you feel is regret. I bet, that if you could do it again, you'd appear and befriend the one who guides - I tell no lies, there will be all ever cries to forlorn, if you stepped onto that shiny platform."
I thought that maybe this was a slap in the face, but maybe it was my day of grace. Maybe it was the trace of happiness she found when I saw that platform above the ground. She saw it in me, she did, but she believed it was set like ink upon grid. But I don't follow lines like others, I make them and smile to the sky's brothers.
"Trust me." She said, holding out her hand. "Above that platform you can stand." Even though I held strong will, I knew that maybe the empty hole this would fufill. I took her hand and we walked in silence of dead as I felt the tingle within my head. Again we stood before glory, she said to me, "It's your own story. To change or to finish is your choice, but I know on that stand you will rejoice."
"What is it?" I asked. "What really is it?"
"It's everything to witness whenever love visits."
"So it's love? Is it peace? Is it everything I want?"
"It's whatever you want. Whatever you want."
I stand in the shadows of glory itself, it's a choice I must make by myself. One step closer to The Flow or a forever nightmare? She reads my thoughts, she knows I am scared.
"I'll be there," She promised, securing my fate. "It's not too late, it's never too late."
The demons stare in awe, defying all laws, their jaws dropping, their screams stopping. I bask in the stand for a long while, the angels look down and smile - Not knowing my thoughts, or what the platform brought, because though I bask in glow I know not how long it will flow.
How long before demons turn into angels? How long before the devil the angels cradle? How long before my guide turns into a spy for the one who all of peace defies? How long before this platform resists my weight and I fall from my abyss? How long until my lovers turn into my hate. How long before angels scream my fate? How long before I befriend all evil and see never what glory could always bring forever? How long until the world turns into a flake that dusts into what the higher makes? How long before society bends where chaos grows and the world is to end?
I stand on this platform, but I want to know. Does this indefinitely shrink or does happiness grow? Feeling like this is the devil's dance, I chose to take a chance. And while a fine line exists between evil and good I wonder what I should have chose. Should I have rose above or followed in line? I thought I made my own lines. But clearly shadows shine and what's clear is black. The only thing I know is that I can't turn back.
I should've turned back.
x no x no
I sat in the center of a cold hard street. Night time prevailed and I did appear weak. I weeped at my rejection to an offered rebirth, and feeling hurt I laid my head on the pavement thinking there was no replacement for this life. This life, so bitter and cold, convinced this is the way until I am old. I looked up to bright stars within the sky, but so high I could not reach. My guide appeared and preached:
"What stupidity followed you home? I gave you something too good to refuse, and you walked away thinking I'd be amused. What, did you lose? Did you fail a test? No, and now all you feel is regret. I bet, that if you could do it again, you'd appear and befriend the one who guides - I tell no lies, there will be all ever cries to forlorn, if you stepped onto that shiny platform."
I thought that maybe this was a slap in the face, but maybe it was my day of grace. Maybe it was the trace of happiness she found when I saw that platform above the ground. She saw it in me, she did, but she believed it was set like ink upon grid. But I don't follow lines like others, I make them and smile to the sky's brothers.
"Trust me." She said, holding out her hand. "Above that platform you can stand." Even though I held strong will, I knew that maybe the empty hole this would fufill. I took her hand and we walked in silence of dead as I felt the tingle within my head. Again we stood before glory, she said to me, "It's your own story. To change or to finish is your choice, but I know on that stand you will rejoice."
"What is it?" I asked. "What really is it?"
"It's everything to witness whenever love visits."
"So it's love? Is it peace? Is it everything I want?"
"It's whatever you want. Whatever you want."
I stand in the shadows of glory itself, it's a choice I must make by myself. One step closer to The Flow or a forever nightmare? She reads my thoughts, she knows I am scared.
"I'll be there," She promised, securing my fate. "It's not too late, it's never too late."
The demons stare in awe, defying all laws, their jaws dropping, their screams stopping. I bask in the stand for a long while, the angels look down and smile - Not knowing my thoughts, or what the platform brought, because though I bask in glow I know not how long it will flow.
How long before demons turn into angels? How long before the devil the angels cradle? How long before my guide turns into a spy for the one who all of peace defies? How long before this platform resists my weight and I fall from my abyss? How long until my lovers turn into my hate. How long before angels scream my fate? How long before I befriend all evil and see never what glory could always bring forever? How long until the world turns into a flake that dusts into what the higher makes? How long before society bends where chaos grows and the world is to end?
I stand on this platform, but I want to know. Does this indefinitely shrink or does happiness grow? Feeling like this is the devil's dance, I chose to take a chance. And while a fine line exists between evil and good I wonder what I should have chose. Should I have rose above or followed in line? I thought I made my own lines. But clearly shadows shine and what's clear is black. The only thing I know is that I can't turn back.
I should've turned back.
x no x no
Hold A Heart With Me
My mind works in peculiar ways. I'm not sure if it's different from yours, but it's the way I am. I smile at others happiness, I do not envy. I laugh when things are funny and I don't care for others judgements. I will talk within silent corridors and I will rise above your hate. I will always seek the neglect for the negative and witness the willows of happiness that sweep across my cheek every so often. I will push on a mile from others motivation, but most importantly, my own. But above everything, I will always hold compassion for others and look for love, because love truly does mean everything. Forever I will seek to reach the Flow, and the Flow is eternal content, peace, and that love we're all talking about nowadays. It's all that matters.
This all sounds happy and perfect. Even though it's me it does not mean I always hold true to my morals. I've made mistakes - some I can fix, some I cannot. I've lied to those I love and I've hurt people - sometimes, for no peticular reason. I've hated others because I've envied them. I've been mean, and cruel, and selfish. I can't make excuses, but I'm not the only one. I'll admit to my actions and I'll try my best to redeem, but life isn't always that easy. Sometimes we have the thought in our minds that we really are right or it's just to have done something wrong. But I know better, and I know that I can rise above. Sometimes it's not about who was wrong; it's that you love that person who you're competing with and you'd do anything for them. Not everything has to be a game, and we don't always have to win. Sometimes it's just about making it right.
My life isn't butterflies and purity. It's been an easy start with a rough journey to follow. I've fought myself over the thoughts of deaths and losses I've had to witness, and witness others' hardships as well. My life somehow seems to consist of downs that overthrow the ups. Some days it's hard to get out of bed. I can be impulsive with the anger that sticks to my hands and I can lash out at those who aren't deserving. It's not fair - I've played the victim too. But humans stick to the nature of their roots and some just can't sprout. This saddens me, but I wish to grow into that tree. I know who I want to be and where I want to go. The world can be lonely and at times. I had no one there to hold my hand - maybe that's why it's so easy to hold anger and let go of love. Once you've known the cold touch of the world, you think the rest of us deserve to feel it too. Everything feels so easy to be worthless and yet so meaningful at the same time.
Sometimes you're just a spec of the population that can be washed away with tomorrow's rain, other times you're the one who can make a change. The world is tricky to decipher, yet clear; hopeful and cynical, victorious or doomed. It's incredibly predictable or indefinitely uncertain - and that's why it's so hard to know why we're here. Religion is so key to maintain society but if it ruled the world I'd be the first to die. I won't lie about that. The bible is just words and so are mine - so why do so many believe in the bible? Because it has good morals? Because it comes from "God"? Well I have good morals. I come from "God", so you tell me.
In the end people will choose to hold a heart or hold a cold stone within their hands. I want my morals to push me to where I want to be - I want to succeed but do so while being me. I don't want to change who I am to win the game of life or act like somebody I'm not just to win people over. I won't change myself for the world, but I can change it for others, for the better. Maybe one day we'll see that love is all the matter, or maybe the world will shatter like glass from neglecting all the better. Nobody's perfect, and it should be nobody's expectations. But the world is our oyster and we hold it on a string. It's our actions that effect it slowly, piece by piece, by every tick of the clock. So don't stop being who you are - because I love you, and soon they'll love you for just being you. I'll be me, too. So hold a heart with me. Let's turn into 'We'.
xoxo
This all sounds happy and perfect. Even though it's me it does not mean I always hold true to my morals. I've made mistakes - some I can fix, some I cannot. I've lied to those I love and I've hurt people - sometimes, for no peticular reason. I've hated others because I've envied them. I've been mean, and cruel, and selfish. I can't make excuses, but I'm not the only one. I'll admit to my actions and I'll try my best to redeem, but life isn't always that easy. Sometimes we have the thought in our minds that we really are right or it's just to have done something wrong. But I know better, and I know that I can rise above. Sometimes it's not about who was wrong; it's that you love that person who you're competing with and you'd do anything for them. Not everything has to be a game, and we don't always have to win. Sometimes it's just about making it right.
My life isn't butterflies and purity. It's been an easy start with a rough journey to follow. I've fought myself over the thoughts of deaths and losses I've had to witness, and witness others' hardships as well. My life somehow seems to consist of downs that overthrow the ups. Some days it's hard to get out of bed. I can be impulsive with the anger that sticks to my hands and I can lash out at those who aren't deserving. It's not fair - I've played the victim too. But humans stick to the nature of their roots and some just can't sprout. This saddens me, but I wish to grow into that tree. I know who I want to be and where I want to go. The world can be lonely and at times. I had no one there to hold my hand - maybe that's why it's so easy to hold anger and let go of love. Once you've known the cold touch of the world, you think the rest of us deserve to feel it too. Everything feels so easy to be worthless and yet so meaningful at the same time.
Sometimes you're just a spec of the population that can be washed away with tomorrow's rain, other times you're the one who can make a change. The world is tricky to decipher, yet clear; hopeful and cynical, victorious or doomed. It's incredibly predictable or indefinitely uncertain - and that's why it's so hard to know why we're here. Religion is so key to maintain society but if it ruled the world I'd be the first to die. I won't lie about that. The bible is just words and so are mine - so why do so many believe in the bible? Because it has good morals? Because it comes from "God"? Well I have good morals. I come from "God", so you tell me.
In the end people will choose to hold a heart or hold a cold stone within their hands. I want my morals to push me to where I want to be - I want to succeed but do so while being me. I don't want to change who I am to win the game of life or act like somebody I'm not just to win people over. I won't change myself for the world, but I can change it for others, for the better. Maybe one day we'll see that love is all the matter, or maybe the world will shatter like glass from neglecting all the better. Nobody's perfect, and it should be nobody's expectations. But the world is our oyster and we hold it on a string. It's our actions that effect it slowly, piece by piece, by every tick of the clock. So don't stop being who you are - because I love you, and soon they'll love you for just being you. I'll be me, too. So hold a heart with me. Let's turn into 'We'.
xoxo
Do You Mind?
Frightening sights I have witnessed
Under these stars you'd think I rejoice
Cancel your plans, cut short your visit
Kisses of yours leave they with no voice
You have nothing to say to me
Only if you're right or wrong we'll see
Unless you'll just lose a friend.
We blame the way society is on them
We want to see their sins condemned
I thought I knew better and I saw right through
Whatever false trust resides in my view.
You say you are one, but then you are two
This makes me more frustrated with you
You only see what makes you smile
And never walk that ever long mile
In my shoes, in his shoes, in her shoes
Because whatever you want is whatever you choose.
Can't you see that we together is fate?
You make it too hard with the decisions you make
Then you go further to say you don't care
Because why, you're right? To claim so you'd dare.
I never left you without your best friend
I never said fuck you in the end
I never left because you weren't "cool"
I always thought that I was the fool.
And even now.
I don't leave you sitting in the streets
I don't leave you when you are to weep
I don't say one and then say two
I would never do that to you.
And I know that you know it.
And you know that I love you
But I don't like you right now. Not one bit.
_ _ _ _
Under these stars you'd think I rejoice
Cancel your plans, cut short your visit
Kisses of yours leave they with no voice
You have nothing to say to me
Only if you're right or wrong we'll see
Unless you'll just lose a friend.
We blame the way society is on them
We want to see their sins condemned
I thought I knew better and I saw right through
Whatever false trust resides in my view.
You say you are one, but then you are two
This makes me more frustrated with you
You only see what makes you smile
And never walk that ever long mile
In my shoes, in his shoes, in her shoes
Because whatever you want is whatever you choose.
Can't you see that we together is fate?
You make it too hard with the decisions you make
Then you go further to say you don't care
Because why, you're right? To claim so you'd dare.
I never left you without your best friend
I never said fuck you in the end
I never left because you weren't "cool"
I always thought that I was the fool.
And even now.
I don't leave you sitting in the streets
I don't leave you when you are to weep
I don't say one and then say two
I would never do that to you.
And I know that you know it.
And you know that I love you
But I don't like you right now. Not one bit.
_ _ _ _
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
sweet eighteen
"I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees. Stranger than your sympathy, I take these things so I don't feel. Killing myself from the inside out, and now my head's filled up with doubt. It's hard to lead the life you choose, but you can't see when all your dreams are coming true. It's easy to forget, yeah, and you choke on the regrets, yeah. Who the hell did I think I was?"
Standing in the middle, you stand across
I'm wondering if you gain from my loss.
I contemplate turning right back
Your eyes are cold with hair flowing black.
I don't hate you, but you're debating
Whether it's that mind or mine that's yours for the taking.
I smile but it's not recieved
You believe I do decieve.
She strongly believes within her faith
She knows who it is that I do hate.
She's the sealing of my fate
She's everything and nothing I can be.
Her life glows within every inch
I have gaps of that light but makes me flinch
So I miss out on the joy I could've felt
Then deal with the shitty hand fate dealt
Shortly after. She's taller than me
She's all and nothing I want to be.
She has what I want and what I surely need
She knows my selfish take on greed.
She knows what I'm feeling, and so much I hate
That she knows all of my being but nothing to make
Out of what be her morals or what she holds true
Or if there's a memory to me and you
Or if there's a memory of that day
Of if she stayed
Or if he played me.
She knows everything about me but has no mean
To tell or inform, but she's that sweet eighteen.
She begins to befriend and dwell
On the me she once loved and knew so well.
She knows the hardships and sees
That I still stand,
That I keep being me.
She knows my compassion for those who don't deserve
She knows those sweet boys that hit every nerve
She sees the life that I do not
She knows she's right for what she bought
For the price she paid for her abyss,
But I know none of this.
Left within presence that hurts to have doubts
It's eating me up from the inside out.
But apparently she does know better
If she could she'd write me a letter
Saying things will be good, and I will smile
If she could she'd walk me down that aisle
Explain and reveal all wisdom witheld
But she clamps her mouth shut, refusing to sell.
The one thing she told me among skies blue
"It's easy to be blind to your dreams coming true."
She knew, things could result to be more wrong than right
That not everything results with good in your life.
That sometimes, you have to fight for your needs,
And ignore the ignorant full of greed.
She stood with the smile at the end of her visit
Pleased with all that she had witnessed
Of me and what path I walk along
To tell me I'm not wrong.
Some people just don't understand
Sometimes no one will exist to hold your hand.
To keep walking strong and be who you are
And see all they can't - their invisible stars,
They're yours to see.
Just be whoever you want to be.
She is the future, and all she does indeed see
She is the future, she's indefinitely me.
A reflection
That mirrors who I want to be
What I want to mean
When I am that free
Sweet, sweet eighteen.
xoxo
Standing in the middle, you stand across
I'm wondering if you gain from my loss.
I contemplate turning right back
Your eyes are cold with hair flowing black.
I don't hate you, but you're debating
Whether it's that mind or mine that's yours for the taking.
I smile but it's not recieved
You believe I do decieve.
She strongly believes within her faith
She knows who it is that I do hate.
She's the sealing of my fate
She's everything and nothing I can be.
Her life glows within every inch
I have gaps of that light but makes me flinch
So I miss out on the joy I could've felt
Then deal with the shitty hand fate dealt
Shortly after. She's taller than me
She's all and nothing I want to be.
She has what I want and what I surely need
She knows my selfish take on greed.
She knows what I'm feeling, and so much I hate
That she knows all of my being but nothing to make
Out of what be her morals or what she holds true
Or if there's a memory to me and you
Or if there's a memory of that day
Of if she stayed
Or if he played me.
She knows everything about me but has no mean
To tell or inform, but she's that sweet eighteen.
She begins to befriend and dwell
On the me she once loved and knew so well.
She knows the hardships and sees
That I still stand,
That I keep being me.
She knows my compassion for those who don't deserve
She knows those sweet boys that hit every nerve
She sees the life that I do not
She knows she's right for what she bought
For the price she paid for her abyss,
But I know none of this.
Left within presence that hurts to have doubts
It's eating me up from the inside out.
But apparently she does know better
If she could she'd write me a letter
Saying things will be good, and I will smile
If she could she'd walk me down that aisle
Explain and reveal all wisdom witheld
But she clamps her mouth shut, refusing to sell.
The one thing she told me among skies blue
"It's easy to be blind to your dreams coming true."
She knew, things could result to be more wrong than right
That not everything results with good in your life.
That sometimes, you have to fight for your needs,
And ignore the ignorant full of greed.
She stood with the smile at the end of her visit
Pleased with all that she had witnessed
Of me and what path I walk along
To tell me I'm not wrong.
Some people just don't understand
Sometimes no one will exist to hold your hand.
To keep walking strong and be who you are
And see all they can't - their invisible stars,
They're yours to see.
Just be whoever you want to be.
She is the future, and all she does indeed see
She is the future, she's indefinitely me.
A reflection
That mirrors who I want to be
What I want to mean
When I am that free
Sweet, sweet eighteen.
xoxo
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Resistance
Written 29/01/10
There are birds here; they're white with gray, skinny legs. They snap at you and want your food, they want to absorb what you have to offer. There's a little black bird with green, skinny legs that keeps to itself, it does not bother but will snap at you if you bother it. It smiles at the sun and basks in its glow.
The Flow.
Reaching the Flow.
26 Hours, not one blink of sleep, feeling wired I snap when I'm bothered, I'm tired. You, you do not understand. Sitting with the misinterpretation on my back, it's heavy. You cluck your tongue and stare at skies blue, it's what you want to do. No we or us that exists within life, this saddens me and I do feel remorse. We walk along, side by side, but we are not together. We talk for long, but the conversations are short. This feeling, though, lasts forever. I never, never would sit and watch you cry, stare, then say I don't care.
So tired with these depressing thoughts, tears stream but they do not come from emotion. Emotion would cause me to feel. But you and your touch; your fingertips once warm with the heat from your heart, in steady paces it faded and something absolutely freezing touched your veins and mutated them to slick ice. I dare not attempt to rub them warm for what you would call fury would unleash and I would be the recepient. The drips of defrost would cost my everlasting soul, would it not?
Your touch is a different story. You hold your freezing hand to my heart and this depression I feel is not anger or sadness or confusion - it's nothing. I am numb with nothing. These tears fall accordingly that mourn the loss of the better half of emotion. Tears that fall in an enormous crowd, I feel eyes on my back but dare not look up. Mortification's natural effects puts a redness to my cheeks but I do not feel internally. It doesn't matter.
The people, the birds I love most surround me in question. They debate pulling me away from the crowd. One claims to, but then they sit and do not one thing. What sits with me is disappointment and I misunderstand. The any and everything that matters is my confusion now. The love once held was crushed, the trust once held now dust. Nothing matters to you except what's convenient for you. I understand the selfishness but not because it's me - because I've witnessed it time after time. I mind your absence of heart and those are the tears that fall. That everything we had is now lost. Just know that no matter what circumstance, if tears rolled from your green eyes I would have held your hand. I would have said I'm sorry, because I love you. But you died the day you stopped caring for her and for him and for me. Green eyes sits in its demise. No matter who's to blame.
You thought we were playing a game today - a power play, who does struggle and who does crave victory. I crave nothing but for peace, your love and for all above that. Reaching the Flow is the dream, but you turned your back on all of that for a greed called happiness. Nothing good is in the hand you play. You spit cards of anger and cruelty - that defined as your slick icy veins. You hold my compassion and love within your heart, but you use it for advantage.
You're the so pure white bird who flies over the sea, while I'm the little black bird who sits in a tree. Must finish this piece before we speak. I can't apologize, nor can you, so together we speak in a silence I hate, out of the evil you make, over our twisted fates. Reaching the Flow is the dream, it's my pure mean of existence. Don't resist it, you'll be missing it later.
I promise.
xoxo
There are birds here; they're white with gray, skinny legs. They snap at you and want your food, they want to absorb what you have to offer. There's a little black bird with green, skinny legs that keeps to itself, it does not bother but will snap at you if you bother it. It smiles at the sun and basks in its glow.
The Flow.
Reaching the Flow.
26 Hours, not one blink of sleep, feeling wired I snap when I'm bothered, I'm tired. You, you do not understand. Sitting with the misinterpretation on my back, it's heavy. You cluck your tongue and stare at skies blue, it's what you want to do. No we or us that exists within life, this saddens me and I do feel remorse. We walk along, side by side, but we are not together. We talk for long, but the conversations are short. This feeling, though, lasts forever. I never, never would sit and watch you cry, stare, then say I don't care.
So tired with these depressing thoughts, tears stream but they do not come from emotion. Emotion would cause me to feel. But you and your touch; your fingertips once warm with the heat from your heart, in steady paces it faded and something absolutely freezing touched your veins and mutated them to slick ice. I dare not attempt to rub them warm for what you would call fury would unleash and I would be the recepient. The drips of defrost would cost my everlasting soul, would it not?
Your touch is a different story. You hold your freezing hand to my heart and this depression I feel is not anger or sadness or confusion - it's nothing. I am numb with nothing. These tears fall accordingly that mourn the loss of the better half of emotion. Tears that fall in an enormous crowd, I feel eyes on my back but dare not look up. Mortification's natural effects puts a redness to my cheeks but I do not feel internally. It doesn't matter.
The people, the birds I love most surround me in question. They debate pulling me away from the crowd. One claims to, but then they sit and do not one thing. What sits with me is disappointment and I misunderstand. The any and everything that matters is my confusion now. The love once held was crushed, the trust once held now dust. Nothing matters to you except what's convenient for you. I understand the selfishness but not because it's me - because I've witnessed it time after time. I mind your absence of heart and those are the tears that fall. That everything we had is now lost. Just know that no matter what circumstance, if tears rolled from your green eyes I would have held your hand. I would have said I'm sorry, because I love you. But you died the day you stopped caring for her and for him and for me. Green eyes sits in its demise. No matter who's to blame.
You thought we were playing a game today - a power play, who does struggle and who does crave victory. I crave nothing but for peace, your love and for all above that. Reaching the Flow is the dream, but you turned your back on all of that for a greed called happiness. Nothing good is in the hand you play. You spit cards of anger and cruelty - that defined as your slick icy veins. You hold my compassion and love within your heart, but you use it for advantage.
You're the so pure white bird who flies over the sea, while I'm the little black bird who sits in a tree. Must finish this piece before we speak. I can't apologize, nor can you, so together we speak in a silence I hate, out of the evil you make, over our twisted fates. Reaching the Flow is the dream, it's my pure mean of existence. Don't resist it, you'll be missing it later.
I promise.
xoxo
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