Dec 11, 2010
Every crash of the waves against the shore was you trying to tell me something. You were trying to tell me that this was coming to an end. I wish I had believed you then. I wish I had listened to the waves.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Dec 10, 2010
The lights were shining all around us and everything was exposed. The colour of our skin became different shades of blues and reds and greens and there wasn't a single part of our souls that could hide. We were bare; stripped of our problems. We were soft skin and a calm voice. Flesh and bones and that was it. We were exposed and free.
The lights were shining all around us and everything was exposed. The colour of our skin became different shades of blues and reds and greens and there wasn't a single part of our souls that could hide. We were bare; stripped of our problems. We were soft skin and a calm voice. Flesh and bones and that was it. We were exposed and free.
Dec 9, 2010
After a while, you know when things become repetitive. It's when you follow the same routine day by day, minute by minute. You have every move down to a science. It's when I count every step that I walk up even if I've walked them thousands of times. It's when I eat the same thing for breakfast every morning or the movements that I make before I crawl into bed alone each night. I know how to do all of these thingsso well like I know how to tie my shoes or repeat all twenty six letters of the alphabet so well. They're the things I know and the things that I am comfortanle with. Even if I may get bored of the same routines, I am comfortable and that's okay.
After a while, you know when things become repetitive. It's when you follow the same routine day by day, minute by minute. You have every move down to a science. It's when I count every step that I walk up even if I've walked them thousands of times. It's when I eat the same thing for breakfast every morning or the movements that I make before I crawl into bed alone each night. I know how to do all of these thingsso well like I know how to tie my shoes or repeat all twenty six letters of the alphabet so well. They're the things I know and the things that I am comfortanle with. Even if I may get bored of the same routines, I am comfortable and that's okay.
Dec 8, 2010
It's fifteen degrees outside and you're nowhere to be found. I haven't seen you around in a while. I wonder about you sometimes and what it is you've been thinking. What's made you change into the person you've become? As soon as the cold hit, you ran so far away and you changed with the seasons. In the spring time, you fell down with the rain. When summer came around, you were free and happy. When it was time for fall, you blew away with the leaves and now it's December and winter is here and where are you? You're gone just like the grass and the pavement beneath my feet. It's fifteen degrees outside and you're nowhere to be found.
It's fifteen degrees outside and you're nowhere to be found. I haven't seen you around in a while. I wonder about you sometimes and what it is you've been thinking. What's made you change into the person you've become? As soon as the cold hit, you ran so far away and you changed with the seasons. In the spring time, you fell down with the rain. When summer came around, you were free and happy. When it was time for fall, you blew away with the leaves and now it's December and winter is here and where are you? You're gone just like the grass and the pavement beneath my feet. It's fifteen degrees outside and you're nowhere to be found.
Dec 7, 2010
There was a blind man. He was so left out from seeing everything in the world but he didn't seem to mind. He was shielded from all the hate and the ugly. Without being able to see the small specs of beauty that were left, he was able to see all of the good inside of people he never knew without ever knowing what they looked like on the outside. In a way, I was jealous of this man and all of the bad that he didn't have to see, but in another way, I felt sad for him and the fact that he wouldn't really be able to see all of the things he was missing out on.
- I don't know
There was a blind man. He was so left out from seeing everything in the world but he didn't seem to mind. He was shielded from all the hate and the ugly. Without being able to see the small specs of beauty that were left, he was able to see all of the good inside of people he never knew without ever knowing what they looked like on the outside. In a way, I was jealous of this man and all of the bad that he didn't have to see, but in another way, I felt sad for him and the fact that he wouldn't really be able to see all of the things he was missing out on.
- I don't know
Dec 6, 2010
You fell from the sky in a shade of grey. A distant memory, a forgotten photograph that's faded away over the years. Everything you did was like watching an old silent film. I had to guess at all of the things you were saying, the things you were thinking. You acted out every scene so carefully, but I never really understood what it was you were trying to do. I watched you on screen as you became a different person; someone new that I had never seen before. You were just an old movie that never made sense and I was the reality of it all.
- this doesn't make sense. sorry.
You fell from the sky in a shade of grey. A distant memory, a forgotten photograph that's faded away over the years. Everything you did was like watching an old silent film. I had to guess at all of the things you were saying, the things you were thinking. You acted out every scene so carefully, but I never really understood what it was you were trying to do. I watched you on screen as you became a different person; someone new that I had never seen before. You were just an old movie that never made sense and I was the reality of it all.
- this doesn't make sense. sorry.
Dec 5, 2010
All of the Christmas lights lit up your face as we walked the streets that night. I've seen plenty of lights in my lifetime, but I'd never seen anything quite as beautiful as I had in that moment. The way it outlined all of your features and reflected off the snow, it was a painting waiting to be created. You're always so carefully put together, as if nothing could teaer you apart, but at that moment, if anything touched you, you would crumble straight to the frozen ground.
All of the Christmas lights lit up your face as we walked the streets that night. I've seen plenty of lights in my lifetime, but I'd never seen anything quite as beautiful as I had in that moment. The way it outlined all of your features and reflected off the snow, it was a painting waiting to be created. You're always so carefully put together, as if nothing could teaer you apart, but at that moment, if anything touched you, you would crumble straight to the frozen ground.
Dec 4, 2010
The lake is frozen over and all we can do is hope that we don't fall through. Each step is taken carefully; slowly and with caution so we don't break the ice. It's thin and melting away and if it starts to crack then you don't have much of a chance. We fall through and as we're trapped in the water underneath the ice, you look over at me and grab my hand. If we go down, we go down together.
The lake is frozen over and all we can do is hope that we don't fall through. Each step is taken carefully; slowly and with caution so we don't break the ice. It's thin and melting away and if it starts to crack then you don't have much of a chance. We fall through and as we're trapped in the water underneath the ice, you look over at me and grab my hand. If we go down, we go down together.
Dec 3, 2010
When you step outside, the chill of the air hits your skin with a rush of intensity, and for a moment, you forget to feel anything at all. It makes you wonder where it all went and how you got to that point in your life in the first place. When the weight of the world comes crashing down onto your shoulders and you don't think you can take it anymore, something in you forces you to continue holding on for just a little longer. Eventually, someone comes along to help you out and puts some of the weight on their own shoulders and while it may not help entirely, it's just enough to keep you going.
When you step outside, the chill of the air hits your skin with a rush of intensity, and for a moment, you forget to feel anything at all. It makes you wonder where it all went and how you got to that point in your life in the first place. When the weight of the world comes crashing down onto your shoulders and you don't think you can take it anymore, something in you forces you to continue holding on for just a little longer. Eventually, someone comes along to help you out and puts some of the weight on their own shoulders and while it may not help entirely, it's just enough to keep you going.
Dec 2, 2010
When the world closes its eyes, it forgets every problem it has ever had. Everyone forgets their troubles and stops worrying and even if it's just for a second, they have a moment of freedom; a moment of calmness before they're brought back into reality. When the world closes it's eyes, it dreams of moments like this. Close your eyes, world. This is it.
When the world closes its eyes, it forgets every problem it has ever had. Everyone forgets their troubles and stops worrying and even if it's just for a second, they have a moment of freedom; a moment of calmness before they're brought back into reality. When the world closes it's eyes, it dreams of moments like this. Close your eyes, world. This is it.
Dec 1, 2010
We watched as the snow fell; we stood in awe for a while at the magic of it all. The way each flake fell to the ground so smoothly, just barely kissing the earth goodnight, covering up everything that was left of it. As the disappeared, things became clearer. I realized more of the things that I wanted and didn't want. After watching for each flake to touch the ground, I could only hope that one day you'd kiss me in the same gentle way that the snow kissed the earth and in that moment, that was the only thing that mattered.
We watched as the snow fell; we stood in awe for a while at the magic of it all. The way each flake fell to the ground so smoothly, just barely kissing the earth goodnight, covering up everything that was left of it. As the disappeared, things became clearer. I realized more of the things that I wanted and didn't want. After watching for each flake to touch the ground, I could only hope that one day you'd kiss me in the same gentle way that the snow kissed the earth and in that moment, that was the only thing that mattered.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
October 16, 2010
We are the power lines; the telephone poles and the wires that go from city to city, state to state. We are the state lines that connect us from one place to another, one face to another. We could travel interstates and country roads for hours until we reach our destination only to realize it wasnt what we were hoping for. We could travel interstates and country roads for hours until we reach our destination and realize its the perfect place to be. I could travel for hours and never know how close I was to you until its too late.
October 14, 2010
Time will not sleep. It will not slow down and it will not stop. When time feels like it's running out, you have all the time in the world. You can watch the clock hoping that the minute hand will come to a stop, but it's not going to. It's never going to. You can count the seconds until it's a new day or a new month or a new year, but you'll be counting forever. You can count the moments until we see each other again, but it'll never be the same. We'll never be the same.
October 13, 2010 PART TWO
Hold up the stars in the sky with the palm of yours hands; keep them there for all the world to see. Lay on your back. Feel the world above you and below you and let it be a part of you. Become one with the earth until you sink so far into the ground that you can no longer move. Take the time to lose yourself and wait because that's all you can do until someone comes along and finds you.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
October 10, 2010
Moments trapped in time to never be forgotten; stuck in the back of your mind or in a frame on the wall. They're something to look back on. They're something to remind you of all the good times and the bad. I remember every detail of the best moments. I remember every detail of your face and the sound of your voice. I remember the touch of your hand against mine and the taste of your lips. I remember the words you had said and the things you did. I remember it all and I miss it.
October 9, 2010 PART TWO
In the past ten minutes, at least 200 geese have flown across the sky in my sight. They're all headed south to escape the cold that is coming. It's fall now, but soon it will be over and winter will be on its way. Snow will fall from the sky and cover the ground and everything will be frozen in place. Winter brings lonely days and empty nights and we all have to fight to stay warm. I'd much rather have you there helping me.
October 9, 2010
The inside of my eyelids are like a movie screen. When I close my eyes, memories replay themselves. I can see them like I would if I were in a theater playing an old silent film in black and white. I can't hear anything that's being said but I can see it all. I can see you standing there looking at me with your brown eyes and that perfect smile telling me all the things I want to hear. Every night I look forward to going to sleep so I can see your face, but once I open my eyes, you're gone again. you were never one for staying in the same place.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Life is too possible
"Someone's deciding whether or not to steal. He opens a window just to feel the chill. He hears that outside a small boy just started to cry, 'cause it's his turn but his brother won't let him try."
Written May 28th, 2010
Season the fire with this fuel, its interactions far too cruel for the season's change. And here I see that it wasn't just me, through violent winds swirl the thoughts in my mind, no other sense am I to find. The rain falls and floods inside my brain, music notes once soothed my pain but now they have drowned as well. The water flows out through my ears - I am deaf to beauty. I am blind to inspiration. The sun refuses to smile and a like-minded pathetic fallacy follows in suit. Soldiers of the army march and recruit but I can't seem to self-include. Indulgent was the weather and ever intruded and diminished my thoughts, its only future fought whatever I was to think, and my boat starts to sink.
What did I do to the weather? It puts faults and screams at me. Mistakes I made but couldn't see, thoughts from an exploding door freed...this isn't how it's supposed to be. An oddly lit night's sky falsely predicts the storm that hits. Saw it from nowhere, it hid in space where I couldn't truly see its face. A tad like me, though I didn't sit and collectively reside until the anger hit. How do I smile at a broken chest? The lock doesn't open but creates a mess.
It lies and bore freedom but secretly conspired for whatever its heart desired. Don't make me cry, you're crying tears from the door I absolutely feared. Don't make me cry, you lied when you said we were okay and then ruined this day -
A sunny day. A smile on my face.
A complete disgrace. Put her in her place.
The clouds leave but tell not if they will return or leave me be. But as the storm withers and descends, I smile and ask, please, don't make me cry...again.
xoxo
Written May 28th, 2010
Season the fire with this fuel, its interactions far too cruel for the season's change. And here I see that it wasn't just me, through violent winds swirl the thoughts in my mind, no other sense am I to find. The rain falls and floods inside my brain, music notes once soothed my pain but now they have drowned as well. The water flows out through my ears - I am deaf to beauty. I am blind to inspiration. The sun refuses to smile and a like-minded pathetic fallacy follows in suit. Soldiers of the army march and recruit but I can't seem to self-include. Indulgent was the weather and ever intruded and diminished my thoughts, its only future fought whatever I was to think, and my boat starts to sink.
What did I do to the weather? It puts faults and screams at me. Mistakes I made but couldn't see, thoughts from an exploding door freed...this isn't how it's supposed to be. An oddly lit night's sky falsely predicts the storm that hits. Saw it from nowhere, it hid in space where I couldn't truly see its face. A tad like me, though I didn't sit and collectively reside until the anger hit. How do I smile at a broken chest? The lock doesn't open but creates a mess.
It lies and bore freedom but secretly conspired for whatever its heart desired. Don't make me cry, you're crying tears from the door I absolutely feared. Don't make me cry, you lied when you said we were okay and then ruined this day -
A sunny day. A smile on my face.
A complete disgrace. Put her in her place.
The clouds leave but tell not if they will return or leave me be. But as the storm withers and descends, I smile and ask, please, don't make me cry...again.
xoxo
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
"Even though I like you, in front of you I pretend I don’t. Even though I’m hurt, I pretend that I’m fine. Even though I fully know everything, I pretend that I don’t know anything. Even though I miss you, I pretend that I feel nothing. Even though I still haven’t moved on or let go, I pretend that I moved on. Even though I cry, I pretend that I’m happy and smile.."
And I’ll keep doing so till I don’t even remember who you are.
And I’ll keep doing so till I don’t even remember who you are.
Monday, June 28, 2010
In salt
" Some say the Earth is another planet's hell. "
Alone
Silence starts to hurt
And heart beats give me headaches.
Abandoned
By carelessness and ignorance
Put to last and always worse
I must be
I must be cursed.
I must be worth the hatred
I must be worth the lies
I pushed away the painful thoughts
Hoping for change
Wishing for difference
Finding nothing.
Result with salt
Insult.
In salt with tears
Stains mt shirts
Hurt my heart
Start to fade
I was never paid
To listen
To comfort
To ever be there
I truly
Just cared.
Closet mind
Whatever pain I find
I put away
Won't construct
Mind process
Never found
Progress
Finds pointlessness.
Wishing so hard
With heart and mind
That I can push away
And be carelessness
And say I'm to worth
To find the strength
To have no hurt
But you're no help
I'm all by myself
While it's all yourself.
And I wish silence
Weren't nothing to say,
I wish silence
Was comfort,
I wish silence
Wasn't awkward or dry,
I wish I could find
The courage to try.
And I wish heart beats
Weren't headaches,
I wish heart beats
Were comfort,
And I wish heart beats
Were invited and accepted,
I wish I would have the brain
Not to keep rejecting
But I grew up the way I did
I even found as a little kid
I couldn't commit
And I couldn't submit love
Because death found love
Quicker than I found it.
You never saw my side
You never asked
I was a chair
I put on a mask
I was for you
You weren't for me
And now alone
I'll always be
You're picture is easier
To paint, but costs
What it costs
I can't say I regret
What I have lost.
But insults
And in salt with tears
Stains on my shirts
Shouldn't be here
I shouldn't have to accept
When all you do is reject
My thoughts
And feelings
My heart
My brain
My pain.
It's not fair
But neither is life
But doesn't mean I have
To put up a fight
For someone who's not there
For someone who doesn't care
For someone who hurts me
But can't even see it.
That's not love, baby,
That's ignorance.
Pure
Fucking
Ignorance.
xoxo
Alone
Silence starts to hurt
And heart beats give me headaches.
Abandoned
By carelessness and ignorance
Put to last and always worse
I must be
I must be cursed.
I must be worth the hatred
I must be worth the lies
I pushed away the painful thoughts
Hoping for change
Wishing for difference
Finding nothing.
Result with salt
Insult.
In salt with tears
Stains mt shirts
Hurt my heart
Start to fade
I was never paid
To listen
To comfort
To ever be there
I truly
Just cared.
Closet mind
Whatever pain I find
I put away
Won't construct
Mind process
Never found
Progress
Finds pointlessness.
Wishing so hard
With heart and mind
That I can push away
And be carelessness
And say I'm to worth
To find the strength
To have no hurt
But you're no help
I'm all by myself
While it's all yourself.
And I wish silence
Weren't nothing to say,
I wish silence
Was comfort,
I wish silence
Wasn't awkward or dry,
I wish I could find
The courage to try.
And I wish heart beats
Weren't headaches,
I wish heart beats
Were comfort,
And I wish heart beats
Were invited and accepted,
I wish I would have the brain
Not to keep rejecting
But I grew up the way I did
I even found as a little kid
I couldn't commit
And I couldn't submit love
Because death found love
Quicker than I found it.
You never saw my side
You never asked
I was a chair
I put on a mask
I was for you
You weren't for me
And now alone
I'll always be
You're picture is easier
To paint, but costs
What it costs
I can't say I regret
What I have lost.
But insults
And in salt with tears
Stains on my shirts
Shouldn't be here
I shouldn't have to accept
When all you do is reject
My thoughts
And feelings
My heart
My brain
My pain.
It's not fair
But neither is life
But doesn't mean I have
To put up a fight
For someone who's not there
For someone who doesn't care
For someone who hurts me
But can't even see it.
That's not love, baby,
That's ignorance.
Pure
Fucking
Ignorance.
xoxo
Thursday, June 24, 2010
liar
"Didn't want to be your ghost, didn't want to be anyone's ghost. For more than a month you said it was not inside my heart, it was. You said it should tear a kid apart,it DOES."
Twelve trophies on your shelf, all of which fill you with pride. People you destroyed that dried and died. You thought I was a lucky thirteen, you thought you could break me down. 31 days you make me walk a path of nails, smile at my confusion, my anger, and you convinced shadows that walked but wouldn't talk around me, you knew I couldn't see.
Your footsteps are stains on my floorboards, the echo of your laughter a ghost. The only thing you haunt me with is the lies you chose and told. Turn a crowd against me, shame on you. To believe a better friend you'd be, well that's just shame on me.
I hope the ties you severed snap within whatever you chose as crap to throw in my face. To think I was the disgrace within the mix, I hope the sticks you made to defend you burn and you fucking learn at least one thing - whatever you bring to the table you eat, and if you can't, fall to your feet. Don't bite off more than you can chew, in the end it always returns to you.
xoxo
Twelve trophies on your shelf, all of which fill you with pride. People you destroyed that dried and died. You thought I was a lucky thirteen, you thought you could break me down. 31 days you make me walk a path of nails, smile at my confusion, my anger, and you convinced shadows that walked but wouldn't talk around me, you knew I couldn't see.
Your footsteps are stains on my floorboards, the echo of your laughter a ghost. The only thing you haunt me with is the lies you chose and told. Turn a crowd against me, shame on you. To believe a better friend you'd be, well that's just shame on me.
I hope the ties you severed snap within whatever you chose as crap to throw in my face. To think I was the disgrace within the mix, I hope the sticks you made to defend you burn and you fucking learn at least one thing - whatever you bring to the table you eat, and if you can't, fall to your feet. Don't bite off more than you can chew, in the end it always returns to you.
xoxo
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Keep your secrets
Hold it close to your heart, never let it go. Never let the thoughts or feelings show. Lock your lips, it’s your own little secret, you never know the next person who can steal it from you, deter your inspiration, mar your pride, murder your aspiration. You never know the energy held inside when your motive is your absolute prime—the line you think if people see, they’ll walk away and leave it be. But shadows appear and absorb its soul, and the way it was never keeps its whole. The hole in your heart is there for a reason, it’s because you told. They thought you were selling and you sold without conscience. Ask yourself the reason you want to shout to the earth, tell the treetops, whisper to the dirt. Is there really a worth in speaking what’s yours? You put a dime in the rain and it loses its shine, a way you could see it, it’s a personal crime. So when you know it’s close to your heart, reverse the frame and say it’s your art. Your own little lie, you deviously defy, but save yourself in the end, because society can twist and bend what you wanted most, if you are to boast.
Hold it close to your heart, never let it go. Never let the thoughts or feelings show. It may be consuming and it may be hard, but the compensation's shiny, and isn’t marred.
xoxo
Hold it close to your heart, never let it go. Never let the thoughts or feelings show. It may be consuming and it may be hard, but the compensation's shiny, and isn’t marred.
xoxo
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
So the Stupid Speaks
I know that you know that you've become the target of this hand. Well I know that you know that you're the only thing I can't stand. I'm waiting for a 90 mile water wall to take me out of your view, I'm looking for a trap door trigger to drop me out of your view. Yes I'm listening, I can tell you're serious. So you can make another claim? Well go ahead and make it.
You.
Me.
A train wreck waiting to happen.
The words of those who hold authority,
Who surround,
Who crowd, making it difficult to see clear.
How can you smile when one too many
Predict my fate, in my sullen state,
And make accusations? How is that fair,
Just because you are above does not mean
You aren't mentally below.
To be told a future grim
To be full to the brim with emotion
That you cannot handle
Setting in motion seems to be the plan,
But maybe is an impossibility, to be able to
Follow though.
So long ago, and for an eternal chapter
A wall that was made, never to be broken.
Never to be spoken, the silent wall
I trusted its able to never let me fall.
One day I broke it down and tore it to pieces
And now I see the stupidity within my actions
As people walk in and out
Steal so I can be without.
The wall made sense, now I am senseless
With all the nonexistent pretenses
The wall made a common moral, now I am reckless
And authority sees me as pointless,
Problemed,
Stupid,
Careless,
Embarrassed.
I am none of those for who I am
They try to tell me I am famined from
A nourishment of reality?
Reality on a plate, a nightly serve
On my kitchen table.
This is the everlasting problem
That people reserve a place in my mind
Tell me every solution they are to find
That this will work,
That I will not hurt.
So at the kitchen table I will sit
Tell you all ideas are complete bullshit
It is a vice
To take advice
From one who knows nothing about
The ever consideration of doubt.
So I smile within my strengths
Grit my teeth within the lengths of hardships
But life is complete only with disgraced
Relationships.
So as you sit at my kitchen table,
Don't you dare speak the words that portray me
As a problemed,
Stupid,
Careless,
Embarassed
Child.
I am nothing close to be the holding of your knowledge
You can create a picture
But you will never know my realtiy.
Because perceptions are only different
Because you are, and never will be
You never will really see
Me for Me.
And that's just the way it is.
xoxo
You.
Me.
A train wreck waiting to happen.
The words of those who hold authority,
Who surround,
Who crowd, making it difficult to see clear.
How can you smile when one too many
Predict my fate, in my sullen state,
And make accusations? How is that fair,
Just because you are above does not mean
You aren't mentally below.
To be told a future grim
To be full to the brim with emotion
That you cannot handle
Setting in motion seems to be the plan,
But maybe is an impossibility, to be able to
Follow though.
So long ago, and for an eternal chapter
A wall that was made, never to be broken.
Never to be spoken, the silent wall
I trusted its able to never let me fall.
One day I broke it down and tore it to pieces
And now I see the stupidity within my actions
As people walk in and out
Steal so I can be without.
The wall made sense, now I am senseless
With all the nonexistent pretenses
The wall made a common moral, now I am reckless
And authority sees me as pointless,
Problemed,
Stupid,
Careless,
Embarrassed.
I am none of those for who I am
They try to tell me I am famined from
A nourishment of reality?
Reality on a plate, a nightly serve
On my kitchen table.
This is the everlasting problem
That people reserve a place in my mind
Tell me every solution they are to find
That this will work,
That I will not hurt.
So at the kitchen table I will sit
Tell you all ideas are complete bullshit
It is a vice
To take advice
From one who knows nothing about
The ever consideration of doubt.
So I smile within my strengths
Grit my teeth within the lengths of hardships
But life is complete only with disgraced
Relationships.
So as you sit at my kitchen table,
Don't you dare speak the words that portray me
As a problemed,
Stupid,
Careless,
Embarassed
Child.
I am nothing close to be the holding of your knowledge
You can create a picture
But you will never know my realtiy.
Because perceptions are only different
Because you are, and never will be
You never will really see
Me for Me.
And that's just the way it is.
xoxo
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Past Returns
Could I honestly have to fake what I have to say to you?
Right now, nothing could hold back the strong tongue
The one that will reveal you my heart
Maybe your ears are to bleed
But at least we'll finally see
Eye to eye
No more disguise.
I haven't lied, per say
But from that day I hid my eyes
I didn't want you to see what was held
Within, there was something curel that wished to touch
What very much of very little you had to offer
A little softer, now I am, now it is.
You spoke the words I knew were truth
A detriment among my youth
Words from others' mouths I percieved
And truly believed your wish was to decieve.
But now I see all of honesty
All of reality, all of me to you.
Though you can't always stay true
To your word, it's society that fucks it over.
False Impressions were once too sobering
Words I wrote but was not to speak off lines
Ignorance was twice of mine
Contradictions cease to cease
And anger is to release.
Three times is charm
You mean no harm
But I cannot smile.
All I taste is bile within a dry mouth
Why it is so hard to smile within an event
Where I cannot vent
You are a godsent
But a detriment to the lines of a puzzle.
Nothing will match
Not me and you
Nothing will do.
But at times we must
Put all complete trust
In what fate thrusts at our path.
The aftermath is nonexistent
Without a tinge of anger's existence
Peace is never to be found
As we sit in a forests' darkest grounds
And like a book so gracefully bound
Pages will turn
Numbers will climb
And soon it will be time
Don't fret, I bet
The fire will burn tall trees to the floor
So we can see the future's more
And know what cures won't heal the sores
That life is inevitably to give
To live?
To bind what is ours
What grace is to shower
Upon our heads
Unless...we end up dead.
xoxo
Right now, nothing could hold back the strong tongue
The one that will reveal you my heart
Maybe your ears are to bleed
But at least we'll finally see
Eye to eye
No more disguise.
I haven't lied, per say
But from that day I hid my eyes
I didn't want you to see what was held
Within, there was something curel that wished to touch
What very much of very little you had to offer
A little softer, now I am, now it is.
You spoke the words I knew were truth
A detriment among my youth
Words from others' mouths I percieved
And truly believed your wish was to decieve.
But now I see all of honesty
All of reality, all of me to you.
Though you can't always stay true
To your word, it's society that fucks it over.
False Impressions were once too sobering
Words I wrote but was not to speak off lines
Ignorance was twice of mine
Contradictions cease to cease
And anger is to release.
Three times is charm
You mean no harm
But I cannot smile.
All I taste is bile within a dry mouth
Why it is so hard to smile within an event
Where I cannot vent
You are a godsent
But a detriment to the lines of a puzzle.
Nothing will match
Not me and you
Nothing will do.
But at times we must
Put all complete trust
In what fate thrusts at our path.
The aftermath is nonexistent
Without a tinge of anger's existence
Peace is never to be found
As we sit in a forests' darkest grounds
And like a book so gracefully bound
Pages will turn
Numbers will climb
And soon it will be time
Don't fret, I bet
The fire will burn tall trees to the floor
So we can see the future's more
And know what cures won't heal the sores
That life is inevitably to give
To live?
To bind what is ours
What grace is to shower
Upon our heads
Unless...we end up dead.
xoxo
Four
Vacate is the word, vengeance has no place on me or her. Cannot find the comfort in this world. Artificial tears; vessel stabbed, next up, volunteers? Vulnerable, wisdom can't adhere. A truant finds home, and a wish to hold on. But there's a trapdoor in the Sun.
Streetlamp is to burn bright
But I say turn out the fucking light
Cannot think with what burns my face
What my soul has disgraced me with.
Thoughts were just thoughts but reality hit
Didn't know what to think of it
Didn't know if to hurt or miss
Didn't know at first if it was worth the risk.
Now I guess I am to know
Didn't know if you hid or show
You held something within your hands
I distanced myself from your demands
I didn't hide, I gave you a chance
But you didn't grant me your second glance.
I could dream, I could hope
I could cry and I could mope
But I won't. What would grief give
To demand to see what no longer lives
To see empty bottles all over the floor
Stacked on top of what is no more.
Slipping through the cracks, they're ever loose
What is worth a chair and a noose
Cruelty is me, cruelty is you
These kinds of things are nothing new.
To have something to give, pain it brings
Hurts my heart, my eyes it stings
To let a wall down is to destroy what you build
To find it wasn't ever to last, though I knew
To know there was nothing to me and you.
It was a play, it was a game
But in this piece there is no blame.
Peace is distant and silent
But so is the ever knocking violence.
There's nothing to feel once you fall
I only know I'm building back up the wall.
Numb is better than what I feel
So I let the rest of you grab and steal.
Rest in peace in the ever silent piece
That's to you.
And to the numbing cold
Without a name in the night
To the streetlamp that had to turn out its light
Without a fight, without being haunted
I really just hope you got what you wanted.
xoxo
Streetlamp is to burn bright
But I say turn out the fucking light
Cannot think with what burns my face
What my soul has disgraced me with.
Thoughts were just thoughts but reality hit
Didn't know what to think of it
Didn't know if to hurt or miss
Didn't know at first if it was worth the risk.
Now I guess I am to know
Didn't know if you hid or show
You held something within your hands
I distanced myself from your demands
I didn't hide, I gave you a chance
But you didn't grant me your second glance.
I could dream, I could hope
I could cry and I could mope
But I won't. What would grief give
To demand to see what no longer lives
To see empty bottles all over the floor
Stacked on top of what is no more.
Slipping through the cracks, they're ever loose
What is worth a chair and a noose
Cruelty is me, cruelty is you
These kinds of things are nothing new.
To have something to give, pain it brings
Hurts my heart, my eyes it stings
To let a wall down is to destroy what you build
To find it wasn't ever to last, though I knew
To know there was nothing to me and you.
It was a play, it was a game
But in this piece there is no blame.
Peace is distant and silent
But so is the ever knocking violence.
There's nothing to feel once you fall
I only know I'm building back up the wall.
Numb is better than what I feel
So I let the rest of you grab and steal.
Rest in peace in the ever silent piece
That's to you.
And to the numbing cold
Without a name in the night
To the streetlamp that had to turn out its light
Without a fight, without being haunted
I really just hope you got what you wanted.
xoxo
God Said Today
Do you really think you can just put it in the safe, behind a painting, lock it up and leave? But if it went away, I'll get over it now, I'll get money, I'll get funny again. You expected something, something better than before. You expected something more.
To stand with silence as music, to dance with no movement. To see the worth of all around is my true motivation, my pure wants and needs mixed as one.
To stand in the middle of an empty path. No roads, no houses, no trees, no hills, no grass, no nothing. Just dirt that resolves to every grain of my life, a sky above that says there is more. Not to know, to have or to hold, not knowledge or wisdom, it is his. He says there is more to give, so I keep moving. I walk away along the flat path, a life miles upon miles away. My bones ache and my heart says this is so ever pointless, but I keep moving.
To have lost one, then another, then a million more. I lost all humanity that once surrounded, and now I am crowded with space. Insanity results with no one around, mystery is excluded by ignorance and a dry throat has left me with nothing to say. God said today, I set you free from your cage, go and live life from page to page. My body left but did not my soul, and so it corrodes in the metal prison.
To finally stand before a mountain tall, this is where the commitment compensates. God called and said he'd grant me glory for a climb, a better story. I walked up the roundabout path, I reached the top. There was nothing to find. God was a voice and life was my choice, and it was to stand but I corroded it within my hands, as I am acid. I am the problem.
To know I could have never died, I cried...and cried..and cried.
xoxo
To stand with silence as music, to dance with no movement. To see the worth of all around is my true motivation, my pure wants and needs mixed as one.
To stand in the middle of an empty path. No roads, no houses, no trees, no hills, no grass, no nothing. Just dirt that resolves to every grain of my life, a sky above that says there is more. Not to know, to have or to hold, not knowledge or wisdom, it is his. He says there is more to give, so I keep moving. I walk away along the flat path, a life miles upon miles away. My bones ache and my heart says this is so ever pointless, but I keep moving.
To have lost one, then another, then a million more. I lost all humanity that once surrounded, and now I am crowded with space. Insanity results with no one around, mystery is excluded by ignorance and a dry throat has left me with nothing to say. God said today, I set you free from your cage, go and live life from page to page. My body left but did not my soul, and so it corrodes in the metal prison.
To finally stand before a mountain tall, this is where the commitment compensates. God called and said he'd grant me glory for a climb, a better story. I walked up the roundabout path, I reached the top. There was nothing to find. God was a voice and life was my choice, and it was to stand but I corroded it within my hands, as I am acid. I am the problem.
To know I could have never died, I cried...and cried..and cried.
xoxo
Sunday, April 4, 2010
A Blind Vision
They can't comprehend, or even come close to understanding him. I guess if I was boring they would love me more, guess if I were simple in the mind, everything would be fine.
The ones that make it complicated never get congratulated.
Half the glass
Never full
It cracks while I push
You are to pull.
I can't see my wants
A blind vision
A guess
A need?
A want.
No control
While your soul
Sits with content
For I am the hearted
Vent.
Maybe I am an act
Though
Maybe this is a play
So
Truely, I don't know.
I don't know you
He
Her
Me.
We?
Community or society?
Wrong or right?
What am I fighting for?
Confusion or delusion
Explosion or corrosion.
I am too far gone
To understand the
Divinity of myself
Either way, for her
For him, for me, for we,
To be a decoy
I am destroyed.
Haunted.
Ghosts and illusions
Monsters and intrusions
Are masked as baffling thoughts
A crowd in my head
Sets flare to the fact
That I can't own a
Morally conscious soul.
The acceptions are exceptions
The yes's are complete rejections
A game, a play
I can't follow
I feel I am running to
Connect with hollow
Demons running from
Me.
Life has deserted me
Of energy.
I wish so much to be simple
Maybe enemies would ignore
Therefore life would be
A breeze, maybe a bore
But a wind that twirls
My fate, causes me to smile
No reason to be scared
All is worth the while.
But my life
Is complex, my heart
A treasure chest
With no shiny gold
Nothing worthy to hold.
My mind is a question
An overflow of
Confusion
I can't rise above
To witness simplicity
And nothing is right
But I won't fight
For a better finality.
My vitality wears thin
My vision is black
While everybody grins
I turn my back.
Sleep is witheld within
So like sins I am
Condemned
Dreams are nothing
For a wait.
So I sit on the cloud
Like pure dead weight
And wait to awaken
Wait for morning
To a no new worth
To a no new birth
All opportunities shot
By those who do not
Know me but don't
Want me.
I can't stand for this.
I won't live with this.
But of course
As I feel without a voice
I have no other choice.
So as the world goes on
As everybody else
Moves along
Time is put to a stop
Where nobody
Is to talk
Because the clock
Refuses to tick
The puzzle pieces wont fit
I can't click, connect
With what death constantly
Forces me to protect.
My life? It's ever dry
But I am too scared to die.
The ones that make it complicated never get congratulated.
Half the glass
Never full
It cracks while I push
You are to pull.
I can't see my wants
A blind vision
A guess
A need?
A want.
No control
While your soul
Sits with content
For I am the hearted
Vent.
Maybe I am an act
Though
Maybe this is a play
So
Truely, I don't know.
I don't know you
He
Her
Me.
We?
Community or society?
Wrong or right?
What am I fighting for?
Confusion or delusion
Explosion or corrosion.
I am too far gone
To understand the
Divinity of myself
Either way, for her
For him, for me, for we,
To be a decoy
I am destroyed.
Haunted.
Ghosts and illusions
Monsters and intrusions
Are masked as baffling thoughts
A crowd in my head
Sets flare to the fact
That I can't own a
Morally conscious soul.
The acceptions are exceptions
The yes's are complete rejections
A game, a play
I can't follow
I feel I am running to
Connect with hollow
Demons running from
Me.
Life has deserted me
Of energy.
I wish so much to be simple
Maybe enemies would ignore
Therefore life would be
A breeze, maybe a bore
But a wind that twirls
My fate, causes me to smile
No reason to be scared
All is worth the while.
But my life
Is complex, my heart
A treasure chest
With no shiny gold
Nothing worthy to hold.
My mind is a question
An overflow of
Confusion
I can't rise above
To witness simplicity
And nothing is right
But I won't fight
For a better finality.
My vitality wears thin
My vision is black
While everybody grins
I turn my back.
Sleep is witheld within
So like sins I am
Condemned
Dreams are nothing
For a wait.
So I sit on the cloud
Like pure dead weight
And wait to awaken
Wait for morning
To a no new worth
To a no new birth
All opportunities shot
By those who do not
Know me but don't
Want me.
I can't stand for this.
I won't live with this.
But of course
As I feel without a voice
I have no other choice.
So as the world goes on
As everybody else
Moves along
Time is put to a stop
Where nobody
Is to talk
Because the clock
Refuses to tick
The puzzle pieces wont fit
I can't click, connect
With what death constantly
Forces me to protect.
My life? It's ever dry
But I am too scared to die.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
---
Dear Body,
I’ve always let some imperfection or another stand in the way of me seeing what you truly are, that you are beautiful. You are a divine creation housing the most valuable thing known to the universe, my soul. I’m beginning to realize that a person’s soul has the capacity to radiate light that transcends all the characteristics that I have been conditioned to believe are flaws.
You naturally tell a story. Your blue-green veins are like a map to where your heart has been and where it is going. The curve of your waist and the shape of your cheekbones tell a tale of heritage and ethnicity. There are crayon markings on the wall somewhere that has measured your height throughout the years. Always returning to the same spot to see how you’ve changed.
Your eyes bare resemblance to nature. They are a deep forest green with golden yellow sunflower flecks. Your faded birthmark, once beet red, brought me shame because all I wanted was to conform. It now reminds me of how unique you are and all I want is to be different.
Your body begins as a story but continues with new chapters throughout your life. Some are chapters of sadness and pain, others of joy, and all of growth. Each chapter a blank canvas meant to be painted by our experiences. Photos are memories but so are our bodies in a way that’s more real, no posing and no fakeness.
I’m realizing these things now, but I’m so sorry that I didn’t realize them before. I’ve done everything I could to destroy the canvas and deface and burn the pages of different chapters.
I’ve waged war on you before; used razor blades to feel and drugs to numb. I’ve used caffeine to stay awake and alcohol to sleep. Abusing the side effects of my prescription drugs like loss of appetite, to deliberately starve myself into making you skinnier. I’ve spent far too much time on a scale that merely weighs your effect on gravity, not the depth of your beauty. I wanted you to look like one of those girls in the magazines.
But in the ruins there is still a canvas. There is still beauty in your brokenness. The faded scars show healing reminding me that even though I’ve been in dark places, I’ve survived and learned and become stronger.
Although the war is over, the world still takes its toll. You have calluses on your hands from me writing too much and concentrating too hard. Yet the words are beautiful and the studying is worth it. You have the ache when it rains from broken bones, and stretch marks from growing too fast. You have burns from jobs and scars from falls. But those experiences were worth it.
Dear body, as I grow older I worry about how you will age. Together we gain wisdom and wrinkles, after being young and beautiful and naïve. The wisdom tells us that the beauty doesn’t subside, it only changes, and more of it comes from within. So I won’t worry when my hair doesn’t look just right, or when I do something stupidly funny and emerge with another scar because you are telling a story. And what would I be without my story and my past?Sunday, March 21, 2010
Absolute
Maybe crumpled,
Ruined,
Stained,
Marred,
Burnt,
Ashed,
Destroyed,
Problematic,
Disgraced,
Ashamed,
Hated,
Judged,
Torn,
I still love you.
Neglected you may be
But you are subject
To my freedom
For that I praise
For that you are
Gazed in awe.
No matter how much
I turn my back
I snap this pen
Abuse you time
and time again,
Just know it's me
Who comes running back
Because I can and will
Make you everything
You deserve so much to be
You are everything I am
Everything I'm not
And everything I wish
To be.
And simply you are.
I miss you,
You define me,
And barries or
Time
Cannot defy what needs
To be said or written
You always leave me
Smitten.
Hello, and I love you,
This isn't goodbye,
I promise.
xoxo times a million.
Ruined,
Stained,
Marred,
Burnt,
Ashed,
Destroyed,
Problematic,
Disgraced,
Ashamed,
Hated,
Judged,
Torn,
I still love you.
Neglected you may be
But you are subject
To my freedom
For that I praise
For that you are
Gazed in awe.
No matter how much
I turn my back
I snap this pen
Abuse you time
and time again,
Just know it's me
Who comes running back
Because I can and will
Make you everything
You deserve so much to be
You are everything I am
Everything I'm not
And everything I wish
To be.
And simply you are.
I miss you,
You define me,
And barries or
Time
Cannot defy what needs
To be said or written
You always leave me
Smitten.
Hello, and I love you,
This isn't goodbye,
I promise.
xoxo times a million.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
how to spend a day
1. Defy the laws of gravity
2. Read a book
3. Eat cheesecake
4. Have brunch with someone you appreciate
5. Watch a movie
6. Stay in bed
7. If it's cold outside, bundle up and go to the park
- swing until you're nearly frozen
8. Cook someone a meal
9. Go for a long walk
10. Make a snowman, even if there is no snow
11. Smile and tell someone you love them
12. Don't put your life to waste;
spend every moment awake
Monday, March 8, 2010
what if
Maybe the way you want to see it is the way it will happen.
Maybe.
Absolutely petrified of the present, shaking for the future, reminiscing in the past. Not every memory lasts, but the ones you wish most to forget stick like glue, and those that make you amused leave you like they were nothing new. That's the funny thing about life and the way it works. You will always wish to seek happiness and a place with no fear, but once you reach it, it's nothing you expected. It kind of feels worthless, like once you get there, you need another change, something more, an alternate insanity. The infamous routines of humanity.
I used to be petrified of death and what it would bring. Would I linger onto the other side, with no rules I am forced to abide? Would I sing to birds in utter joy? Or would it all foil? I used to think death would surely be the end; death would surely be in question, death would be a sealed fate. I hated that of the unknown, and then I preached like I did know - like I had been shone inside a new light, a new life death would bring and surely I would be happy. It was a pleasent mask to wear, no flask I would call a necessity before my death, holding my heart in my hands steady, I would be ready for glory. But like always, there's two sides to the story, and I have reached the side where all else are blind and I must try to grasp the point, because you never know for sure what's next, what mess is to be cleaned or what this life does really mean.
Like happiness, you always remotely think of your wants, and if they are brought content is bought, for a price you paid with perfect ignorance. But there are always what-ifs, the doubts. Most of us can go our whole life without these, but that isn't the path for me. Questions always seep into my mind and no matter how hard I try, they never die. So when I am at the brink of happiness, I must stop and think. And so much as death, I questioned. What if, like happiness, we recieve but then all fails? When the grainy details set into place? Is there a face of death that shows? Or do we lay six feet under where the grass grows? Will you rot in it? Have you ever thought about it? That once you take that last breath, when death is met, do you think it could all end? And it's pure black, there's nothing more, no turning back? That we sit in a bore in our boxes, that we see nothing? No light, no higher might, no being contrite, no afterlife?
Have you ever thought about it? Do you resist the fear of it? That maybe the existence of soul is fake? That there is nothing to make but this vitality current? That we are doomed or forever endurant? Think about what you've wanted in the past. Once you believed it was all you need, then you recieve and still feel without. Did you feel that? That is doubt. Maybe doubt prepares for the 'later on', the phase where we all believe we'll be in a daze. Ignorance is a bitter bliss, if you're a cynic there's nothing you miss. Take a look at both sides of the book, you could if you tried; the 'after you died'. Then you decide.
Difficulty passes more in death than in birth,
Ask yourself if it's really the worth; the what-if.
Maybe.
Absolutely petrified of the present, shaking for the future, reminiscing in the past. Not every memory lasts, but the ones you wish most to forget stick like glue, and those that make you amused leave you like they were nothing new. That's the funny thing about life and the way it works. You will always wish to seek happiness and a place with no fear, but once you reach it, it's nothing you expected. It kind of feels worthless, like once you get there, you need another change, something more, an alternate insanity. The infamous routines of humanity.
I used to be petrified of death and what it would bring. Would I linger onto the other side, with no rules I am forced to abide? Would I sing to birds in utter joy? Or would it all foil? I used to think death would surely be the end; death would surely be in question, death would be a sealed fate. I hated that of the unknown, and then I preached like I did know - like I had been shone inside a new light, a new life death would bring and surely I would be happy. It was a pleasent mask to wear, no flask I would call a necessity before my death, holding my heart in my hands steady, I would be ready for glory. But like always, there's two sides to the story, and I have reached the side where all else are blind and I must try to grasp the point, because you never know for sure what's next, what mess is to be cleaned or what this life does really mean.
Like happiness, you always remotely think of your wants, and if they are brought content is bought, for a price you paid with perfect ignorance. But there are always what-ifs, the doubts. Most of us can go our whole life without these, but that isn't the path for me. Questions always seep into my mind and no matter how hard I try, they never die. So when I am at the brink of happiness, I must stop and think. And so much as death, I questioned. What if, like happiness, we recieve but then all fails? When the grainy details set into place? Is there a face of death that shows? Or do we lay six feet under where the grass grows? Will you rot in it? Have you ever thought about it? That once you take that last breath, when death is met, do you think it could all end? And it's pure black, there's nothing more, no turning back? That we sit in a bore in our boxes, that we see nothing? No light, no higher might, no being contrite, no afterlife?
Have you ever thought about it? Do you resist the fear of it? That maybe the existence of soul is fake? That there is nothing to make but this vitality current? That we are doomed or forever endurant? Think about what you've wanted in the past. Once you believed it was all you need, then you recieve and still feel without. Did you feel that? That is doubt. Maybe doubt prepares for the 'later on', the phase where we all believe we'll be in a daze. Ignorance is a bitter bliss, if you're a cynic there's nothing you miss. Take a look at both sides of the book, you could if you tried; the 'after you died'. Then you decide.
Difficulty passes more in death than in birth,
Ask yourself if it's really the worth; the what-if.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I Can't Pull Dead Weight
I'm ready to let it go.
Attempts and tries have
distorted my mind into
Simple hate.
I don't want to be that way,
I cannot stay this way
There are other days
To run from your liberating
Imprisonment
I've said it time and time again
I've regretted with no mean to regret
I've asked you to just please forget
To move along
To move on to
A better beginning.
But what you convey
Is that this is the end
And what you portray
Is not my friend
Is questioned by truth
You make no excuses
You just ignore.
I won't try anymore
Because it takes two
To pull dead weight
And I won't wait
You wont try
And that's just dry.
And if this
Is what it takes
Surely we cannot make
Or build foundations
On your state of mind
So this is creamation
This is time.
Let's let it die ?
I'm ready for that funeral.
xoxo
Attempts and tries have
distorted my mind into
Simple hate.
I don't want to be that way,
I cannot stay this way
There are other days
To run from your liberating
Imprisonment
I've said it time and time again
I've regretted with no mean to regret
I've asked you to just please forget
To move along
To move on to
A better beginning.
But what you convey
Is that this is the end
And what you portray
Is not my friend
Is questioned by truth
You make no excuses
You just ignore.
I won't try anymore
Because it takes two
To pull dead weight
And I won't wait
You wont try
And that's just dry.
And if this
Is what it takes
Surely we cannot make
Or build foundations
On your state of mind
So this is creamation
This is time.
Let's let it die ?
I'm ready for that funeral.
xoxo
Monday, March 1, 2010
By the Book
"Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right."
-Isaac Asimov
Keeping your nervous heart ever stable
Whisper and quietly we’ll turn the tables.
Secrecy burns the walls of my frames
But we attempt to keep you tame.
I'm sick with sick surroundings that show
A circle and in the middle you glow
Sometimes standing, sometimes to sit
Sometimes you smile, my teeth I grit-
Others. Because sweetheart, it appears you smile
But inside my mouth it’s full of bile.
This circle of strangers, this circle of love
With a spotlight shining from above
Most times it’s hell, sometime’s it’s bliss
Sometimes a detriment I cannot miss.
Empty souls I can sense without eyes
Without a doubt I detect their lies
I witness daily a whispering front
The spitting is endless, the comments blunt.
My muted voice has so much to say
But no one hears me scream to this day.
Who is to witness that is of trust?
Who wants love and who wants lust?
Thoughts I should say but I never do.
So much to see with a blinding view.
So much knowledge but you don’t know
So much to give but nothing shows.
So much to write but you have no pen
So many memories you can’t remember back then.
You have a say, you have a choice
But without a doubt you’re without a voice.
But would you repress?
Or could you address?
Do you say what you surely need?
Or are you concerned you’re full of greed?
Who gives to the hungry or to the mean?
What is ever what it really seems?
Who pushes you up or down?
Who appoints you the shiny crown?
Do you really need them, or do you need yourself?
Is it them you condemn, or do you need help?
Can you control what you just screamed?
Do you cry from the false reality of dreams?
Do you wish one morning you’ll never wake up?
Is it a half full or half empty cup?
Can you justify the questioning of your life?
Can you justify if you were ever right?
To scream or to cry or to say what’s not true?
You never can really know, can you?
Moral conscience is ever undoubted
But I confess I know nothing about it
It’s not that of ‘I need to know’,
Without mistakes how can I grow?
Who can trust voices within their heads?
How do I know if we’re alive or dead?
How do I know that we’re alone
In a universe so undoubtedly prone
To any sense of life? Do I fight for no reason?
Or for a cause? Do I obey or defy the laws?
Do I ignore or stare straight into eyes
That surround me in the circle of my demise?
Or is it your circle of bliss? Don’t you miss him?
You forget he’s everywhere and you abide
By what your mind says, 'you should’ve never cried'
And now you won’t. I say I don't have to.
But it’s building up. You know not what’s true.
The voice in your head won’t shut up. But it's you-
You forget what you need. Maybe they're pure greed.
But maybe some matter. I find only what takes the lead.
Shatter what needs to be shattered.
There are some things that you can’t fix,
There are some things that you will mix
Into your life, you’ll either smile or cry
From the aftermath of whatever move lies
On the board. You’ll either fly or fall
There are no branches to sit or stall
You can’t fit a circle into a square
There is nothing you can’t declare.
So why do you stare evil in the eyes and say not one thing?
Why does cruelty exist and whatever hell brings?
Why am I here and why do we believe,
And if we don’t we suddenly deceive?
Decieve what? No buts?
Doesn’t it ever seem dry?
I tell no lies.
Because by the book that’s what life says,
Life is a daze
Life is a maze
You’re the mouse.
You’ll just have to figure it out.
xoxo
x no x no
-Isaac Asimov
Keeping your nervous heart ever stable
Whisper and quietly we’ll turn the tables.
Secrecy burns the walls of my frames
But we attempt to keep you tame.
I'm sick with sick surroundings that show
A circle and in the middle you glow
Sometimes standing, sometimes to sit
Sometimes you smile, my teeth I grit-
Others. Because sweetheart, it appears you smile
But inside my mouth it’s full of bile.
This circle of strangers, this circle of love
With a spotlight shining from above
Most times it’s hell, sometime’s it’s bliss
Sometimes a detriment I cannot miss.
Empty souls I can sense without eyes
Without a doubt I detect their lies
I witness daily a whispering front
The spitting is endless, the comments blunt.
My muted voice has so much to say
But no one hears me scream to this day.
Who is to witness that is of trust?
Who wants love and who wants lust?
Thoughts I should say but I never do.
So much to see with a blinding view.
So much knowledge but you don’t know
So much to give but nothing shows.
So much to write but you have no pen
So many memories you can’t remember back then.
You have a say, you have a choice
But without a doubt you’re without a voice.
But would you repress?
Or could you address?
Do you say what you surely need?
Or are you concerned you’re full of greed?
Who gives to the hungry or to the mean?
What is ever what it really seems?
Who pushes you up or down?
Who appoints you the shiny crown?
Do you really need them, or do you need yourself?
Is it them you condemn, or do you need help?
Can you control what you just screamed?
Do you cry from the false reality of dreams?
Do you wish one morning you’ll never wake up?
Is it a half full or half empty cup?
Can you justify the questioning of your life?
Can you justify if you were ever right?
To scream or to cry or to say what’s not true?
You never can really know, can you?
Moral conscience is ever undoubted
But I confess I know nothing about it
It’s not that of ‘I need to know’,
Without mistakes how can I grow?
Who can trust voices within their heads?
How do I know if we’re alive or dead?
How do I know that we’re alone
In a universe so undoubtedly prone
To any sense of life? Do I fight for no reason?
Or for a cause? Do I obey or defy the laws?
Do I ignore or stare straight into eyes
That surround me in the circle of my demise?
Or is it your circle of bliss? Don’t you miss him?
You forget he’s everywhere and you abide
By what your mind says, 'you should’ve never cried'
And now you won’t. I say I don't have to.
But it’s building up. You know not what’s true.
The voice in your head won’t shut up. But it's you-
You forget what you need. Maybe they're pure greed.
But maybe some matter. I find only what takes the lead.
Shatter what needs to be shattered.
There are some things that you can’t fix,
There are some things that you will mix
Into your life, you’ll either smile or cry
From the aftermath of whatever move lies
On the board. You’ll either fly or fall
There are no branches to sit or stall
You can’t fit a circle into a square
There is nothing you can’t declare.
So why do you stare evil in the eyes and say not one thing?
Why does cruelty exist and whatever hell brings?
Why am I here and why do we believe,
And if we don’t we suddenly deceive?
Decieve what? No buts?
Doesn’t it ever seem dry?
I tell no lies.
Because by the book that’s what life says,
Life is a daze
Life is a maze
You’re the mouse.
You’ll just have to figure it out.
xoxo
x no x no
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
It's really difficult to try to accomplish
something, when no one is willing to help. Ever feel that way?
Do you mind?
Frightening sights I have witnessed
Under these stars you'd think I rejoice
Cancel your plans, cut short your visit
Kisses of yours leave they with no voice
You have nothing to say to me
Only if you're right or wrong we'll see
Unless you'll just lose a friend.
We blame the way society is on them
We want to see their sins condemned
I thought I knew better and I saw right through
Whatever false trust resides in my view.
You say you are one, but then you are two
This makes me more frustrated with you
You only see what makes you smile
And never walk that ever long mile
In my shoes, in his shoes, in her shoes
Because whatever you want is whatever you choose.
Can't you see that we together is fate?
You make it too hard with the decisions you make
Then you go further to say you don't care
Because why, you're right? To claim so you'd dare.
I never left you without your best friend
I never said fuck you in the end
I never left because you weren't "cool"
I always thought that I was the fool.
And even now.
I don't leave you sitting in the streets
I don't leave you when you are to weep
I don't say one and then say two
I would never do that to you.
And I know that you know it.
And you know that I love you
But I don't like you right now. Not one bit.
_ _ _ _
Under these stars you'd think I rejoice
Cancel your plans, cut short your visit
Kisses of yours leave they with no voice
You have nothing to say to me
Only if you're right or wrong we'll see
Unless you'll just lose a friend.
We blame the way society is on them
We want to see their sins condemned
I thought I knew better and I saw right through
Whatever false trust resides in my view.
You say you are one, but then you are two
This makes me more frustrated with you
You only see what makes you smile
And never walk that ever long mile
In my shoes, in his shoes, in her shoes
Because whatever you want is whatever you choose.
Can't you see that we together is fate?
You make it too hard with the decisions you make
Then you go further to say you don't care
Because why, you're right? To claim so you'd dare.
I never left you without your best friend
I never said fuck you in the end
I never left because you weren't "cool"
I always thought that I was the fool.
And even now.
I don't leave you sitting in the streets
I don't leave you when you are to weep
I don't say one and then say two
I would never do that to you.
And I know that you know it.
And you know that I love you
But I don't like you right now. Not one bit.
_ _ _ _
"I feel like after all of Lady Luck's ignorance over the years, things really did work themselves out. And maybe that it's worth waiting for something nearing absolutely flawless in the end. No doubts, no what-ifs, no put-downs, no judgments, no overseeing, no undermining, no exaggerating. I don't know if my universe has aligned. I just feel like for once in my life, that spark of hope finally lit the flame, and everything's going to be okay. You know, life? You're okay."
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Seeking your purpose
I run down the sidewalk coexisting with the empty streets. It is five AM and it seems nobody is awake except for you and me. The cold emphasizes and reveals my short breathing as I run further down the road. I run past your house and your street and your driveway and I run seeking something - this I do know not. I run further down to the main street where no cars drive down or up or left or right. The street lamps shine over my face like a spotlight and then leave me be until I reach the next. The roads are coated with ice but it seems every step I take the coatings melt. The stars shine further above in the sky, the skyline of a sunrise greeting me. The sun is nowhere to be found but I smile on as if it's smiling back at me.
I keep running, seeking this component unknown, the theta to my life, still finding nothing. I reach a bus stop where I stop and sit on the bench, catching my breath. My breathing is heavy and the silence is so deafening I can barely stand it. I look up and see you standing there, but you do not acknowledge me.
"When will I find it?" I barely breathe, my eyes stinging with salt from the cold.
"You know what you're looking for."
"But I don't!" I exclaim, exasperated.
You turn your back from me and stare, your cold eyes beading into mine.
"You haven't done anything wrong." He says blankly. His cryptic readings confuse me further. "Those who are faulty search for redemption. What did you do?"
"I've done lots of things wrong." I disagree, shaking my head firmly.
"No, you haven't." His hair greys at the temples, and his tall, wide frame is shadowing me from the sun which has newly risen.
"Why do you seek to find me without fault?" I look at him with confusion. He smiles.
"Because that's how I'd like to remember you." I sit, dumbfoundedly, and just stare at him. I know who he is now.
"You knew I forgot." I say - the tears from my eyes slip.
"You know I'll still be around."
"And what's the point of that? I'm still finding nothing."
He disappears in one blink of my eyes, and the sun blinds me. I look away. I get up from the bench and walk the whole way home, every step I take cracking the cold concrete, I have bare feet, and they bleed. His ghostly figure used to shadow me.
Seeking his purpose and still finding nothing.
I keep running, seeking this component unknown, the theta to my life, still finding nothing. I reach a bus stop where I stop and sit on the bench, catching my breath. My breathing is heavy and the silence is so deafening I can barely stand it. I look up and see you standing there, but you do not acknowledge me.
"When will I find it?" I barely breathe, my eyes stinging with salt from the cold.
"You know what you're looking for."
"But I don't!" I exclaim, exasperated.
You turn your back from me and stare, your cold eyes beading into mine.
"You haven't done anything wrong." He says blankly. His cryptic readings confuse me further. "Those who are faulty search for redemption. What did you do?"
"I've done lots of things wrong." I disagree, shaking my head firmly.
"No, you haven't." His hair greys at the temples, and his tall, wide frame is shadowing me from the sun which has newly risen.
"Why do you seek to find me without fault?" I look at him with confusion. He smiles.
"Because that's how I'd like to remember you." I sit, dumbfoundedly, and just stare at him. I know who he is now.
"You knew I forgot." I say - the tears from my eyes slip.
"You know I'll still be around."
"And what's the point of that? I'm still finding nothing."
He disappears in one blink of my eyes, and the sun blinds me. I look away. I get up from the bench and walk the whole way home, every step I take cracking the cold concrete, I have bare feet, and they bleed. His ghostly figure used to shadow me.
Seeking his purpose and still finding nothing.
Patiently waiting
I so much envy Kid Cudi's lyrics to The Prayer; his thoughts aren't held captive any longer.
It's bottling up inside my head, and it threatens to burst - and those around me would be in for a suffering of words and hours upon hours of anger unleashed - to those, I pray for their souls. So much anticipation and dread, confusion and clarity, sadness and madness that's been capped and kept under pressure; she's left and I need somebody to talk to. I feel if I speak only to myself a chronic insanity and habitual ritual would follow and imprint itself in my daily routines - something I'd never wish upon myself within the walls of reality.
I've been dragging my feet and holding my smiles though a thought a second races through my mind - there is no clouding empty space, they're crowding and clumping particles that wish to free themselves from my brain - my mouth being the perfect tool to release them.
But nobody stands in front of me and there are no reactions or second thoughts or opinions from my own, no way to declare sanity from insanity within myself. And here my lips clamp shut and my thoughts are trapped though my sanity has already vacated and I am ready to speak as I stand in front of a mirror. My reflection questions me with its own expression upon my face - a 'What the fuck are you doing?'look that is most well deserved. It slaps me out of my madness and I ask myself,What the fuck am I doing? I reside into my normal activities and wait patiently.
I dont understand those who can cope without another soul to vent - I just need the right out of the select people to speak my thoughts and unleash this bottle - as long as it doesn't pop itself I am free to patiently speak as thought after thought impatiently waits in line.
I must confess I am an utter and complete introvert, but I am not my own therapy. It's so incredibly difficult for me to have not one trusted soul around to admit to and to recieve the advice that I need. My mind patiently waits but it seems every second that passes makes me wish to speak more and makes my tongue cramp from its strong will and utter ability to react in the correct ways. Even though loneliness at times shadows me it does not necessarily mean I cooperate with it in the most efficient ways.
Nobody knows my hidden thoughts because my soul has sat on the shiny treasure chest that holds my thoughts captive and has ordered my lips to keep themselves shut. I cannot further stand my legitimate frustration that festers within my heart and expands my gut until it hurts. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but this isn't the very truth when you have your soul as a chief sheriff waiting for destiny to place itself in the second and first hands of a clock and a date on the calendar. And so I wait patiently for fate to place itself within my hands, hoping and wishing so desperately that the time for this event arrives sufficiently soon.
It's bottling up inside my head, and it threatens to burst - and those around me would be in for a suffering of words and hours upon hours of anger unleashed - to those, I pray for their souls. So much anticipation and dread, confusion and clarity, sadness and madness that's been capped and kept under pressure; she's left and I need somebody to talk to. I feel if I speak only to myself a chronic insanity and habitual ritual would follow and imprint itself in my daily routines - something I'd never wish upon myself within the walls of reality.
I've been dragging my feet and holding my smiles though a thought a second races through my mind - there is no clouding empty space, they're crowding and clumping particles that wish to free themselves from my brain - my mouth being the perfect tool to release them.
But nobody stands in front of me and there are no reactions or second thoughts or opinions from my own, no way to declare sanity from insanity within myself. And here my lips clamp shut and my thoughts are trapped though my sanity has already vacated and I am ready to speak as I stand in front of a mirror. My reflection questions me with its own expression upon my face - a 'What the fuck are you doing?'look that is most well deserved. It slaps me out of my madness and I ask myself,What the fuck am I doing? I reside into my normal activities and wait patiently.
I dont understand those who can cope without another soul to vent - I just need the right out of the select people to speak my thoughts and unleash this bottle - as long as it doesn't pop itself I am free to patiently speak as thought after thought impatiently waits in line.
I must confess I am an utter and complete introvert, but I am not my own therapy. It's so incredibly difficult for me to have not one trusted soul around to admit to and to recieve the advice that I need. My mind patiently waits but it seems every second that passes makes me wish to speak more and makes my tongue cramp from its strong will and utter ability to react in the correct ways. Even though loneliness at times shadows me it does not necessarily mean I cooperate with it in the most efficient ways.
Nobody knows my hidden thoughts because my soul has sat on the shiny treasure chest that holds my thoughts captive and has ordered my lips to keep themselves shut. I cannot further stand my legitimate frustration that festers within my heart and expands my gut until it hurts. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but this isn't the very truth when you have your soul as a chief sheriff waiting for destiny to place itself in the second and first hands of a clock and a date on the calendar. And so I wait patiently for fate to place itself within my hands, hoping and wishing so desperately that the time for this event arrives sufficiently soon.
Part III: Reach
I've descended below the
stars,
below the
ground,
to the core,
where I hide
oh so famously.
I can't abide
with normalities
of the world;
because that's
just who I am.
But he
he reached down
and held out his hand
and so vividly
I recall
rejecting it.
And the normal
formalities of the world
would print
that he walked away
and would never turn back.
And for some time
I sat alone
and I wished so much
to have taken his hand
to be accepted
back into this world
where I so
persistently
feel I am
alone;
yet surrounded by
hatred
and a thousand laughs
time and time again
not one of them
being
mine.
But he turned around
again.
His motivation I
questioned though
I myself
was benefited.
He attempted
again
to take my hand
and this time
I took it
and he held my
hand as he took
me back home
but then
left
me
again.
And so I push
away from
everything
persistent
and normal
called hatred
and like all
I run away
again.
But this is
an endless
cycle.
It will go on
forever.
So I can never
promise never.
And I can never
not say no.
Because every time
I let go
I want you to be mine
but once I am held
within confines
I sell away your soul
to whoever bids
and it stains
my conscience
with sins that
I can never rid.
xo ..?
stars,
below the
ground,
to the core,
where I hide
oh so famously.
I can't abide
with normalities
of the world;
because that's
just who I am.
But he
he reached down
and held out his hand
and so vividly
I recall
rejecting it.
And the normal
formalities of the world
would print
that he walked away
and would never turn back.
And for some time
I sat alone
and I wished so much
to have taken his hand
to be accepted
back into this world
where I so
persistently
feel I am
alone;
yet surrounded by
hatred
and a thousand laughs
time and time again
not one of them
being
mine.
But he turned around
again.
His motivation I
questioned though
I myself
was benefited.
He attempted
again
to take my hand
and this time
I took it
and he held my
hand as he took
me back home
but then
left
me
again.
And so I push
away from
everything
persistent
and normal
called hatred
and like all
I run away
again.
But this is
an endless
cycle.
It will go on
forever.
So I can never
promise never.
And I can never
not say no.
Because every time
I let go
I want you to be mine
but once I am held
within confines
I sell away your soul
to whoever bids
and it stains
my conscience
with sins that
I can never rid.
xo ..?
Part II: Opposites are Supposed to Attract
+
To the girl
with a damaged heart:
I envy your classic
experiences
that will gain you
wisdom
but you just
see pain.
I must admit
I cannot agree
with the actions
you commit to
to such a degree
where your world
spins out of control
because you
let go.
You've erased the moral
you once stuck true
and now you've
ripped out
the positive
You invite
the negative
and like a magnet
it gravitates
towards you.
I applaud.
You do it so well
and though you
drown in your
emotions:
your pain
your anger
your sadness
you mask it
amazingly
to the only girl
who supposedly
is your trusted
companion.
But now I find
doubt
because you do
without us
without bother.
I ponder this
and why
I pry
though I wish
I didn't
because it hurts like
you are hurting now.
We used to stick
but now we face
opposite sides
like magnets
like shore to shore:
me,
a
sea
in
between
you,
and I.
I reach
my hand outwards
My fingers extend
searching for
your fingers
so we can connect
and rewire the
fuse that
we once ignited.
But you seem
to fight it
You seem
to turn your back
and answer
to only yourself.
I wait on the beach
and understand please,
I do not preach,
I just wish to seek
your shore
but I don't understand you
being meek
and as the Beatles would so famously say,
I just want to hold your hand.
-
Just talk to me.
I told you I'd always
always
be here.
To the girl
with a damaged heart:
I envy your classic
experiences
that will gain you
wisdom
but you just
see pain.
I must admit
I cannot agree
with the actions
you commit to
to such a degree
where your world
spins out of control
because you
let go.
You've erased the moral
you once stuck true
and now you've
ripped out
the positive
You invite
the negative
and like a magnet
it gravitates
towards you.
I applaud.
You do it so well
and though you
drown in your
emotions:
your pain
your anger
your sadness
you mask it
amazingly
to the only girl
who supposedly
is your trusted
companion.
But now I find
doubt
because you do
without us
without bother.
I ponder this
and why
I pry
though I wish
I didn't
because it hurts like
you are hurting now.
We used to stick
but now we face
opposite sides
like magnets
like shore to shore:
me,
a
sea
in
between
you,
and I.
I reach
my hand outwards
My fingers extend
searching for
your fingers
so we can connect
and rewire the
fuse that
we once ignited.
But you seem
to fight it
You seem
to turn your back
and answer
to only yourself.
I wait on the beach
and understand please,
I do not preach,
I just wish to seek
your shore
but I don't understand you
being meek
and as the Beatles would so famously say,
I just want to hold your hand.
-
Just talk to me.
I told you I'd always
always
be here.
Part I: Ink and Paper Touch
Days upon days
my hands refuse
vehemently to
touch that which witholds
ink;
where ink refuses
immediately to
touch paper.
My mind has been
running
searching
for answers within
my spacious
mind,
but the confines
don't allow
discovery.
Questions appear
make their mark
and never leave.
This decieves
my heart
and I feel I've been stabbed
in the back
by my soul.
But I too am to blame
for I have turned my back
on the importance
of patience
of forgiveness
of love
and of solidity
time
and time
again.
I can't say I must
apologize.
Apologies are
worthless without
mean.
I have none of this
to spare for
her
and to him and
to you.
Part I: I Say Goodbye
Dear the defeated
burned man
who lies
six feet under:
I don't know
you
nor do you know
me.
Yet you stand above
the sea and smile
and the sun attempts
to reveal your
martyr act.
But here's the fact:
I don't know you
You feel you know
me because I know
you're there.
You stand beside me
and it shows.
They're faceless footprints
that appear never
but your presence is sensed
and I remember.
Tears can no longer stream
I see you in my dreams
but they don't leave me
mourning;
They leave an eery
feeling
that chills my spine
and tenses my mind.
Blood lines
trace relevance
but I no longer lie.
You cut the ties
that no longer exist
and you linger on
within your abyss.
What's done
is done
and I feel no
remorse
Because I no longer
recall
our relationship's course.
It once broke my heart
but I've picked up
the pieces
on my own.
I've grown from
that sweet child
who stood by your
side
despite your mistakes
and your incorrect
pride.
I shake my head
at the ancient times
because you're dead
does not mean
you are my prime
obligation
to be in my thoughts.
You have no
relation
to me anymore.
That's plain
and simply just
the way it is.
my hands refuse
vehemently to
touch that which witholds
ink;
where ink refuses
immediately to
touch paper.
My mind has been
running
searching
for answers within
my spacious
mind,
but the confines
don't allow
discovery.
Questions appear
make their mark
and never leave.
This decieves
my heart
and I feel I've been stabbed
in the back
by my soul.
But I too am to blame
for I have turned my back
on the importance
of patience
of forgiveness
of love
and of solidity
time
and time
again.
I can't say I must
apologize.
Apologies are
worthless without
mean.
I have none of this
to spare for
her
and to him and
to you.
Part I: I Say Goodbye
Dear the defeated
burned man
who lies
six feet under:
I don't know
you
nor do you know
me.
Yet you stand above
the sea and smile
and the sun attempts
to reveal your
martyr act.
But here's the fact:
I don't know you
You feel you know
me because I know
you're there.
You stand beside me
and it shows.
They're faceless footprints
that appear never
but your presence is sensed
and I remember.
Tears can no longer stream
I see you in my dreams
but they don't leave me
mourning;
They leave an eery
feeling
that chills my spine
and tenses my mind.
Blood lines
trace relevance
but I no longer lie.
You cut the ties
that no longer exist
and you linger on
within your abyss.
What's done
is done
and I feel no
remorse
Because I no longer
recall
our relationship's course.
It once broke my heart
but I've picked up
the pieces
on my own.
I've grown from
that sweet child
who stood by your
side
despite your mistakes
and your incorrect
pride.
I shake my head
at the ancient times
because you're dead
does not mean
you are my prime
obligation
to be in my thoughts.
You have no
relation
to me anymore.
That's plain
and simply just
the way it is.
Lying to a False, Truthless King
You're such a fucking sweetheart
I applaud your lonely retaliations
You say to leave this town
to smile at your crown
But you,
You don't worry about me.
I am who I am and I'll be what I be
The light I have is the one you seek
The one I hold that renders you weak.
I speak only the truth
You spit lies among your youth
And preach your faith
Expecting all to believe
Though you are the kingdom's ruler
of able to decieve.
Let's turn the tables.
I recieve your careless remarks
And see you not inside the dark
But feel your lifeless, careless hate
You feel you've sealed my fate.
A deathly kiss you shadow with smiles
telling the innocent to come, stay a while
But I am running per minute a mile
Because I see right through
Your empty,
empty
soul.
You're a bold liar
But I rise above higher
And ignorance is the golden key
to escape the underworld
masked as a beautiful sea
where us creatures are summoned
but never leave
I please just ask you
To leave me fucking be.
I'll escape your arms that hold a fatal squeeze
With the coldest touch that will make me freeze.
I'll appoint you, a sold soul, with a faceless crown
As long as I'm able to leave this piece of shit town.
You call it a kingdom and declare this true?
You, you, and you,
Look around you.
You don't.
You look at the ground to
hide from this place and turn your cheek
from the false majesty,
the one who renders you weak.
Speak
For your freedom and liberty you will own
Until then you are held captive,
you stand alone.
The place you were born,
never able to turn back?
Well all I can say is,
Have fucking fun with that.
Don't ask your tyrant for a single thing
With bloody hands it stains his rings
You drown in your terror at the sight of his blood
We're treading water in the endless flood.
I applaud your lonely retaliations
You say to leave this town
to smile at your crown
But you,
You don't worry about me.
I am who I am and I'll be what I be
The light I have is the one you seek
The one I hold that renders you weak.
I speak only the truth
You spit lies among your youth
And preach your faith
Expecting all to believe
Though you are the kingdom's ruler
of able to decieve.
Let's turn the tables.
I recieve your careless remarks
And see you not inside the dark
But feel your lifeless, careless hate
You feel you've sealed my fate.
A deathly kiss you shadow with smiles
telling the innocent to come, stay a while
But I am running per minute a mile
Because I see right through
Your empty,
empty
soul.
You're a bold liar
But I rise above higher
And ignorance is the golden key
to escape the underworld
masked as a beautiful sea
where us creatures are summoned
but never leave
I please just ask you
To leave me fucking be.
I'll escape your arms that hold a fatal squeeze
With the coldest touch that will make me freeze.
I'll appoint you, a sold soul, with a faceless crown
As long as I'm able to leave this piece of shit town.
You call it a kingdom and declare this true?
You, you, and you,
Look around you.
You don't.
You look at the ground to
hide from this place and turn your cheek
from the false majesty,
the one who renders you weak.
Speak
For your freedom and liberty you will own
Until then you are held captive,
you stand alone.
The place you were born,
never able to turn back?
Well all I can say is,
Have fucking fun with that.
Don't ask your tyrant for a single thing
With bloody hands it stains his rings
You drown in your terror at the sight of his blood
We're treading water in the endless flood.
False Impressions
'And no, you never meant to, but you did. Be whoever you have to be, I won't judge you. And sing whatever you have to sing, to get it out and not become a recluse about your house - come out. I know you never meant to, but you did.'
Dear your lovely wish,
I hold a writhing gift within my hands
Debating if I should give in to vengeance' demands.
A catastrophe was only long overdue
A bomb setting off at an untimely cue.
Perfection between the universe and me
Wishing not to flee, like it's always been
Minor changes free you from imprisonment
Leaving me alone with the false sense of abandonment.
This bomb that detinated was your hidden thoughts
That you thought while we stood in an empty lot
But you masked them so well, giving false impressions
That kept me far from a lonely depression.
A lesson
that tells me to trust not one
Will lessen
the respect I once held
That you once won.
You turn your back whispering among pretty faces
That falsified 'love' and all of its traces.
Maybe forever love is a word too strong and true
Never worthy enough for anyone to use
Lies are what's given among leading on
But I will never say that you were wrong.
You told me the truth with false impressions
Despite your moves with the least discretion.
On the board we play I don't know where we stand
Within all frustrations you hold power in your hands.
You're within a timely line of truth and a lie
I know not which side you choose to defy.
I try to make my mark
It never sticks
That which I throw into a fiery mix
Burning my attempts, they sum to
Ashes at my feet
Where a wish and reality
Sadly crashes
When they are to meet.
Numbers hold you in the confines of bars
that could easily bend if you tried hard.
I never believed you held such fear
But I was easily decieved, now I see it clear.
Perhaps within everybody we are superficial
Even though I saw purity within your initials.
I hold a writhing gift, wishing to give it to you
But within my normalities I can't wish it upon you.
Maybe that's the difference between you and I
As we age we can't make sight
Eye to eye
No matter how hard we try.
Just let it die.
I'm ready for that funeral.
xoxo,
The Solidity of Reality
Dear your lovely wish,
I hold a writhing gift within my hands
Debating if I should give in to vengeance' demands.
A catastrophe was only long overdue
A bomb setting off at an untimely cue.
Perfection between the universe and me
Wishing not to flee, like it's always been
Minor changes free you from imprisonment
Leaving me alone with the false sense of abandonment.
This bomb that detinated was your hidden thoughts
That you thought while we stood in an empty lot
But you masked them so well, giving false impressions
That kept me far from a lonely depression.
A lesson
that tells me to trust not one
Will lessen
the respect I once held
That you once won.
You turn your back whispering among pretty faces
That falsified 'love' and all of its traces.
Maybe forever love is a word too strong and true
Never worthy enough for anyone to use
Lies are what's given among leading on
But I will never say that you were wrong.
You told me the truth with false impressions
Despite your moves with the least discretion.
On the board we play I don't know where we stand
Within all frustrations you hold power in your hands.
You're within a timely line of truth and a lie
I know not which side you choose to defy.
I try to make my mark
It never sticks
That which I throw into a fiery mix
Burning my attempts, they sum to
Ashes at my feet
Where a wish and reality
Sadly crashes
When they are to meet.
Numbers hold you in the confines of bars
that could easily bend if you tried hard.
I never believed you held such fear
But I was easily decieved, now I see it clear.
Perhaps within everybody we are superficial
Even though I saw purity within your initials.
I hold a writhing gift, wishing to give it to you
But within my normalities I can't wish it upon you.
Maybe that's the difference between you and I
As we age we can't make sight
Eye to eye
No matter how hard we try.
Just let it die.
I'm ready for that funeral.
xoxo,
The Solidity of Reality
For You
Still I need your sway, but you always pay for it. And I need your soul, cause you're always hopeful. And I need that heart, cause you're always in the right places.
My Dearest
We strive
seeking truth
hoping for that
feeling of bravery
that we once felt
we never had.
With everything
she's brought me
so much clarity
so much comprehension
to things I could never
discover on my own.
Those people that
strive for attempts
to push us off
a forever edge
we're on
And push our heads
down in the flood
that we tread water in
they
they do not understand
us
a combination
of two souls that mark
me and you.
In that sea of salt
we find a boat
as we were about to malt
the ragged wood sealed
protection
and healed the salted wounds.
And though we once
fell from our twist
we regained our
patience, our
love, our
hope, and our
regaining of
purity that once held true
in our souls within I and you
we shall hold it again
no matter anyone's say
in the forever friend
that we have for each other
every single day.
As long as I'm holding her hand
nobody else needs to understand.
She defines as
that one girl
that one push
that one gain
and that one best friend
who will forever push
and forever I will gain
the lessons learned
in this cruel, cruel game.
We together
we still strive
for every goal
time has defied.
But no longer we seek
a reward called hope
for the better
Because I know
within writing this letter
we know truth
and though this town
is full of lies
we will live through
all the detrimental downs
while the superficial die.
Standing upon this ground
we fall never
Ignorance blocking
the empty souled sounds
Best friends, forever.
xoxo
My Dearest
We strive
seeking truth
hoping for that
feeling of bravery
that we once felt
we never had.
With everything
she's brought me
so much clarity
so much comprehension
to things I could never
discover on my own.
Those people that
strive for attempts
to push us off
a forever edge
we're on
And push our heads
down in the flood
that we tread water in
they
they do not understand
us
a combination
of two souls that mark
me and you.
In that sea of salt
we find a boat
as we were about to malt
the ragged wood sealed
protection
and healed the salted wounds.
And though we once
fell from our twist
we regained our
patience, our
love, our
hope, and our
regaining of
purity that once held true
in our souls within I and you
we shall hold it again
no matter anyone's say
in the forever friend
that we have for each other
every single day.
As long as I'm holding her hand
nobody else needs to understand.
She defines as
that one girl
that one push
that one gain
and that one best friend
who will forever push
and forever I will gain
the lessons learned
in this cruel, cruel game.
We together
we still strive
for every goal
time has defied.
But no longer we seek
a reward called hope
for the better
Because I know
within writing this letter
we know truth
and though this town
is full of lies
we will live through
all the detrimental downs
while the superficial die.
Standing upon this ground
we fall never
Ignorance blocking
the empty souled sounds
Best friends, forever.
xoxo
Do whatever the fuck you want.
The one single thing we are taught to do in our lives: Obey.
The one thing our minds have most undoubtedly been wired to do. Since birth we have been dictated by our parents, first, to do what? Don't touch that. By our teachers: colour inside of the lines. And by God, a fucking faceless creature of nothingness created by society to do one thing, and one thing only: obey.
And why? Because the whole world is afraid of absolute chaos, as they're defining now as free will. Without hierachy the world goes insane. We touch that, and we colour outside of the lines, and we say, fuck you, God. And you know what I say?Good!
If one glorious day came where we could all do whatever the fuck we wanted, at least we'd all have a sense of content that is so rarely ever felt these days. You want to go roam carelessly under the starry night's sky? Go do it. You want to go drink until your lungs are full with alcohol? Have fun. You want to go murder? So fucking be it. Letyourself deal with the consequences, because over time we ourselves would rule our own minds, and only our sense of guilt would sentence us to our fates.
And let it be, I say, because the only person who can insult you, correct you, and judge you, as harshly as possible is only and solely yourself.
And how mad does it make you when somebody tries to dictate your own world? The way you think? Or even what you do? Look the fuck around you: it's everywhere. The government, the police, the schoolboard, parents, bosses? They control every single goddamned thing you do and the way you do it.
So you want to know my opinion? We're screwed. If you choose to give in to obedience you're selling away and butchering off the pieces of your souls. And I don't give a shit what you think, because all our opinions are based on other's affiliated with so called 'authority', enforcing the way you think, the way you talk, the way you blink, and the way you walk. Your mind got shot the minute you entered this confined, hell hole, held down placed called Earth.
We have nothing to value but our souls, and we're so carelessly and subconsciously giving away every single bit of it. We give it to those who recieve and then dispel them into our air, that slowly disappear and that which we cannot recollect. Materialism and currency and the government have sold us off into this world that has converted to a kingdom underground - where water drips and slowly leaks and everybody weeps as we see our souls float away, counting each and every day until we're drowning in floods and recieving the blood we've taken so carelessly. We're fucking it all forever, and seeing nothing for never and never.
We are all bound to be screwed by the stiches authority sews into this shitty, worthless, useless piece of fabric.
Amen.
The one thing our minds have most undoubtedly been wired to do. Since birth we have been dictated by our parents, first, to do what? Don't touch that. By our teachers: colour inside of the lines. And by God, a fucking faceless creature of nothingness created by society to do one thing, and one thing only: obey.
And why? Because the whole world is afraid of absolute chaos, as they're defining now as free will. Without hierachy the world goes insane. We touch that, and we colour outside of the lines, and we say, fuck you, God. And you know what I say?Good!
If one glorious day came where we could all do whatever the fuck we wanted, at least we'd all have a sense of content that is so rarely ever felt these days. You want to go roam carelessly under the starry night's sky? Go do it. You want to go drink until your lungs are full with alcohol? Have fun. You want to go murder? So fucking be it. Letyourself deal with the consequences, because over time we ourselves would rule our own minds, and only our sense of guilt would sentence us to our fates.
And let it be, I say, because the only person who can insult you, correct you, and judge you, as harshly as possible is only and solely yourself.
And how mad does it make you when somebody tries to dictate your own world? The way you think? Or even what you do? Look the fuck around you: it's everywhere. The government, the police, the schoolboard, parents, bosses? They control every single goddamned thing you do and the way you do it.
So you want to know my opinion? We're screwed. If you choose to give in to obedience you're selling away and butchering off the pieces of your souls. And I don't give a shit what you think, because all our opinions are based on other's affiliated with so called 'authority', enforcing the way you think, the way you talk, the way you blink, and the way you walk. Your mind got shot the minute you entered this confined, hell hole, held down placed called Earth.
We have nothing to value but our souls, and we're so carelessly and subconsciously giving away every single bit of it. We give it to those who recieve and then dispel them into our air, that slowly disappear and that which we cannot recollect. Materialism and currency and the government have sold us off into this world that has converted to a kingdom underground - where water drips and slowly leaks and everybody weeps as we see our souls float away, counting each and every day until we're drowning in floods and recieving the blood we've taken so carelessly. We're fucking it all forever, and seeing nothing for never and never.
We are all bound to be screwed by the stiches authority sews into this shitty, worthless, useless piece of fabric.
Amen.
Reviving the Death of the Past
Written December 15th, 2008
"Want to know a secret?" He leans close and whispers in my ear. The halls are empty as classes resume, I have returned from having a smoke from the confines of the school. I have turned the corner and there he is. Him.
I feel like smiling and throwing up at the same time. This shouldn't be happening. I only talk to Him when is necessary. I don't find leisure time to think about him, to speak of or to him. Most definitely not to him. I can't bring myself to, or else I'd feel things I wish I'd never felt. This isn't right, this isn't moral, this isn't true. He shouldmean nothing. But even I know he doesn't.
He leans back from me abruptly, his eyebrows in a knit. "I probably shouldn't tell you." I am frozen; I say nothing. I know what he wants to say. He wants to tell me something about him and me. Something about our past that I just want to bury. Burn. Abandon. Run.
"I don't want to know." I say quietly, and turn to walk away. He grabs my arm, and when I turn to face him, we're inches apart. His breath swiftly brushes my cheek, it tingles making my stomach twist in sickness, yet excitement. Curiosity. I know I should walk away, but my feet lock my frame into place, like fate has sentenced me to this exact moment, despite my better intentions to flee.
"I still have feelings for you." He says softly, determined. He slides his hand down my arm, cupping my wrist. This is everything I do and don't want at the same time. The seconds are ticking by, and I don't want to say anything. Make it or break it. I wish I had time to think.
I know my feelings for him, I know I want him. But she's my best friend. I have another boy in my heart. There isn't room for two. There isn't room for two.
In my mind, I'm standing at the edge of risk cliff. I must make a decision: jump off, or fall back?
"I shouldn't have said that," He says, his voice leaking with doubt. He looks away, his eyes looking pained and angry. The face I remember and sympathize for so well. The face that once meant everything to me. Anything and everything affiliating with that face, He always came to my mind. He never left it. I just always tried to block it from my free conscience.
My head escapes me in all misfortune, fate forcing me to make the move on the board we play, and there's only one thing I can say. "I still have feelings for you, too."
I must remember to regard my heart, and guard my shins. I jump off the cliff, the dance with the devil begins.
"Want to know a secret?" He leans close and whispers in my ear. The halls are empty as classes resume, I have returned from having a smoke from the confines of the school. I have turned the corner and there he is. Him.
I feel like smiling and throwing up at the same time. This shouldn't be happening. I only talk to Him when is necessary. I don't find leisure time to think about him, to speak of or to him. Most definitely not to him. I can't bring myself to, or else I'd feel things I wish I'd never felt. This isn't right, this isn't moral, this isn't true. He shouldmean nothing. But even I know he doesn't.
He leans back from me abruptly, his eyebrows in a knit. "I probably shouldn't tell you." I am frozen; I say nothing. I know what he wants to say. He wants to tell me something about him and me. Something about our past that I just want to bury. Burn. Abandon. Run.
"I don't want to know." I say quietly, and turn to walk away. He grabs my arm, and when I turn to face him, we're inches apart. His breath swiftly brushes my cheek, it tingles making my stomach twist in sickness, yet excitement. Curiosity. I know I should walk away, but my feet lock my frame into place, like fate has sentenced me to this exact moment, despite my better intentions to flee.
"I still have feelings for you." He says softly, determined. He slides his hand down my arm, cupping my wrist. This is everything I do and don't want at the same time. The seconds are ticking by, and I don't want to say anything. Make it or break it. I wish I had time to think.
I know my feelings for him, I know I want him. But she's my best friend. I have another boy in my heart. There isn't room for two. There isn't room for two.
In my mind, I'm standing at the edge of risk cliff. I must make a decision: jump off, or fall back?
"I shouldn't have said that," He says, his voice leaking with doubt. He looks away, his eyes looking pained and angry. The face I remember and sympathize for so well. The face that once meant everything to me. Anything and everything affiliating with that face, He always came to my mind. He never left it. I just always tried to block it from my free conscience.
My head escapes me in all misfortune, fate forcing me to make the move on the board we play, and there's only one thing I can say. "I still have feelings for you, too."
I must remember to regard my heart, and guard my shins. I jump off the cliff, the dance with the devil begins.
Weightless Feels Worthless
I looked back to a past piece
thinking maybe to repeat
but now I deny.
I've been explained to
the cries of empty souls
but it does not
patch the hole of pain
or sew a gash of
anger
but stiches could never
heal me.
Smile at your brilliance
but your past to present ways
I prevent.
My communication fails
you dread the rest of your days.
So easily drowned
in relevance
but I can't pick myself up
from the rest.
Like I sponge I absorb
what feelings aren't
mine to feel
But others steal my
smiles
the feeling so unreal.
All the while
time passes in
evens
and
odds
sometimes filling
the empty hole
or drying my
cracking lips.
Saying words I never believed
would escape my
broken lips
you hold my wants
you have my needs
and you imprison
my fear.
You scare me to an edge
where two frightened parts
of me meet - I either let
you
or
the ground
be a murderous component
to life.
I smile so much
and wish upon you that fate.
My bleeding lips make
the devil's grin
witholds my control
and cares less of sin.
Weightless feels worthless.
That's the way life goes.
thinking maybe to repeat
but now I deny.
I've been explained to
the cries of empty souls
but it does not
patch the hole of pain
or sew a gash of
anger
but stiches could never
heal me.
Smile at your brilliance
but your past to present ways
I prevent.
My communication fails
you dread the rest of your days.
So easily drowned
in relevance
but I can't pick myself up
from the rest.
Like I sponge I absorb
what feelings aren't
mine to feel
But others steal my
smiles
the feeling so unreal.
All the while
time passes in
evens
and
odds
sometimes filling
the empty hole
or drying my
cracking lips.
Saying words I never believed
would escape my
broken lips
you hold my wants
you have my needs
and you imprison
my fear.
You scare me to an edge
where two frightened parts
of me meet - I either let
you
or
the ground
be a murderous component
to life.
I smile so much
and wish upon you that fate.
My bleeding lips make
the devil's grin
witholds my control
and cares less of sin.
Weightless feels worthless.
That's the way life goes.
Past
The Lines
What lies against the wall
is that of the
present, the
future,
and our worries
of both.
Let's stop
and think about none
but the third option.
Secrecy unfolded
the creases of the paper
I once touched with ink.
Words of
hope
commitment
and somewhat that of
love.
Questions dotted
with a mark
but I smile and ignore
never forget.
These turn to haunt me
at our peak of
happiness where it
rises with the sun.
Somehow life
reveals within
these creases
my doubts
that reside in frowns
turning down
commitment
hope
and of all
that somewhat of love.
You tore me from the page
after seeing
through my eyes
but you misunderstood
the picture that lies
within.
We see that beautiful
sunrise, the clouds
lining with hope
from yourself
but I turn my back
and seek the shade.
The decisions I made
don't think I don't
regret
because seeing the aftermath
after all has faded
lets me re-evaluate doubt
and seeing me without
what you had to offer.
Pain
used to seep through the cracks
of the concrete walls
of my heart
and my hope falls
from the steepest heights.
I chose not to
remember
because it hurts.
You flirted with the other side
heard the thunder
loved what it had to offer
and now I cry
as you're buried six feet under.
I miss you
and you
and you
who left me
but never left me either.
Moving on
is of the question
that dots
this crumpled page
making me question the
decisions I've made
and I know that feeling
of being degraded.
I know.
But me
I've seen redemption.
Myself
gathering the puzzle
pieces of hope
soggy and marred
piecing back a faded
puzzle that will determine
the future.
We still have a chance
to make up for the
unforgiven.
Stop being livid
let go of the anger
that's given
and repiece my puzzle.
I'll do the same
and we both can claim
what we fixed
sorting out
what's in the mix.
From first to last
never forgetting the past
drastic changes or not
chances are not shot.
Babydoll.
xoxo
What lies against the wall
is that of the
present, the
future,
and our worries
of both.
Let's stop
and think about none
but the third option.
Secrecy unfolded
the creases of the paper
I once touched with ink.
Words of
hope
commitment
and somewhat that of
love.
Questions dotted
with a mark
but I smile and ignore
never forget.
These turn to haunt me
at our peak of
happiness where it
rises with the sun.
Somehow life
reveals within
these creases
my doubts
that reside in frowns
turning down
commitment
hope
and of all
that somewhat of love.
You tore me from the page
after seeing
through my eyes
but you misunderstood
the picture that lies
within.
We see that beautiful
sunrise, the clouds
lining with hope
from yourself
but I turn my back
and seek the shade.
The decisions I made
don't think I don't
regret
because seeing the aftermath
after all has faded
lets me re-evaluate doubt
and seeing me without
what you had to offer.
Pain
used to seep through the cracks
of the concrete walls
of my heart
and my hope falls
from the steepest heights.
I chose not to
remember
because it hurts.
You flirted with the other side
heard the thunder
loved what it had to offer
and now I cry
as you're buried six feet under.
I miss you
and you
and you
who left me
but never left me either.
Moving on
is of the question
that dots
this crumpled page
making me question the
decisions I've made
and I know that feeling
of being degraded.
I know.
But me
I've seen redemption.
Myself
gathering the puzzle
pieces of hope
soggy and marred
piecing back a faded
puzzle that will determine
the future.
We still have a chance
to make up for the
unforgiven.
Stop being livid
let go of the anger
that's given
and repiece my puzzle.
I'll do the same
and we both can claim
what we fixed
sorting out
what's in the mix.
From first to last
never forgetting the past
drastic changes or not
chances are not shot.
Babydoll.
xoxo
Present
The Flow
Dragging my fingernails at the wall, the sound makes you so much wish your ears were deafened. I do not smile at your agony nor do I wish to comfort it, because a twist of both would imprint in my heart and therefore start a time to our endless beginnings.
I clicked Pause when I thought I did Stop, but destiny knew better than I. I once pried at the thought of you with your hands on one other prize that killed me to see and saw ours die. I lied when I said I didn't care because I knew better than to stare - stare fate in the eyes and all of its being, I wished to know not what it was seeing. Knowing I could know it all, I chose to deny and chose to fall to my normal state, while fate clucked its tongue and clung to my lungs, my breathing heavy.
I could feel its seething and its eyes boring, nearly stopping my heart in all of its glory. Anger touched my veins, and feeling insane I fought back and screamed of that, your face feeling slapped. But your face still stung and to her you clung, my realizing the stupidity of that in myself. Yet you did not cry nor did you report, I feel I was your last resort.
Astonished to see this untrue, you walked away feeling sad and blue. As everybody cried and needed help, I sat in a corner and kept to myself. The whispering walls masked as fate told me to state the truth of me, what I am to be and what I really see. As much as I wished to I bit my lip, letting the revulsion in my stomach sit. It hit me when I saw him standing right there, offering his hands and saying he cares. As much as I resented what was to occur, the present is all that holds, and not the future.
So I sat in my corner and closed my eyes, fate stomping its feet within my demise. Not much is revealed or to be said, because I cannot tell difference between the living and the dead.
The present is tricky to decipher and determine, like a preacher standing revoking his sermon. Confusion and definition defines the unnerving present, rendering to know and fate being pleasent. You just can't know, because decisions can't show. Someday we will all glow within the knowledge and the flow of energy that rises and tells me if my hands will touch his as he pulls me with strength to stand - or maybe they will brand me and burn everything I've worked so hard to earn. Independence is something shattered when you forget everything that matters, giving into him, weakening your limbs, and the day it ends is the day of the grim. Forever in a corner I would sit, never admitting to fate it was right, its sight I should have seen in all that could've been.
But between you and me,
we'll see.
Dragging my fingernails at the wall, the sound makes you so much wish your ears were deafened. I do not smile at your agony nor do I wish to comfort it, because a twist of both would imprint in my heart and therefore start a time to our endless beginnings.
I clicked Pause when I thought I did Stop, but destiny knew better than I. I once pried at the thought of you with your hands on one other prize that killed me to see and saw ours die. I lied when I said I didn't care because I knew better than to stare - stare fate in the eyes and all of its being, I wished to know not what it was seeing. Knowing I could know it all, I chose to deny and chose to fall to my normal state, while fate clucked its tongue and clung to my lungs, my breathing heavy.
I could feel its seething and its eyes boring, nearly stopping my heart in all of its glory. Anger touched my veins, and feeling insane I fought back and screamed of that, your face feeling slapped. But your face still stung and to her you clung, my realizing the stupidity of that in myself. Yet you did not cry nor did you report, I feel I was your last resort.
Astonished to see this untrue, you walked away feeling sad and blue. As everybody cried and needed help, I sat in a corner and kept to myself. The whispering walls masked as fate told me to state the truth of me, what I am to be and what I really see. As much as I wished to I bit my lip, letting the revulsion in my stomach sit. It hit me when I saw him standing right there, offering his hands and saying he cares. As much as I resented what was to occur, the present is all that holds, and not the future.
So I sat in my corner and closed my eyes, fate stomping its feet within my demise. Not much is revealed or to be said, because I cannot tell difference between the living and the dead.
The present is tricky to decipher and determine, like a preacher standing revoking his sermon. Confusion and definition defines the unnerving present, rendering to know and fate being pleasent. You just can't know, because decisions can't show. Someday we will all glow within the knowledge and the flow of energy that rises and tells me if my hands will touch his as he pulls me with strength to stand - or maybe they will brand me and burn everything I've worked so hard to earn. Independence is something shattered when you forget everything that matters, giving into him, weakening your limbs, and the day it ends is the day of the grim. Forever in a corner I would sit, never admitting to fate it was right, its sight I should have seen in all that could've been.
But between you and me,
we'll see.
Future
The Wall
You can't pretend you held my hand. I miss your smile, I miss your smile. I need you now, I need you now. I am not scared of falling down, I am not scared of dark, dark clouds.
Heat radiating within my hands,
I feel no chill from where I stand.
Expectation seeks my chills,
Though Spirit already knows of my strong will.
Speaking of strength I look at the wall,
Thinking there I stood, there I would fall.
But decisions show or hide an empty path,
With billions of others if you did the math.
Staring at the wall, I know what it hides.
By the rules of life you must abide.
NO TRESPASSING a sign declares,
Anyone who dares faces the wrath of the police,
The sirens blare.
Snowflakes touch my fingertips,
Each one contains a word.
One option, one piece to life to add,
Or discard as if it's no worth.
Confusion unravels as you look at this wall,
Feeling as if you're without.
The clock ticks on in even beats,
Water curing the lifeless drought.
.
I now sit within an empty home
.
The winter frost upholds my window,
I touch the cold, sullen glass.
Last year I mourned whatever was left,
Laying flowers upon the grass.
I walked through a valley far and wide,
Searching for a faithful guide.
One spirit walked along with me,
Until so known I forgot and could not see.
No, I did not mourn the loss,
Another came along with the frost.
I smiled at companionship,
But something was missing.
Tuned out to the birds I could only listen.
Humans didn't interest me, nor I did them;
They only looked for compelling murder,
All my sins condemned.
I shook my head and walked away,
Sad that life has to be this way.
The world alone looks so spacious and free,
But we are all held within society.
Greed and the villians make the ground dry,
From this thought I could surely cry.
When I think of my dream world,
All my wants it holds,
The paper divided and freedom unfolds.
But I am held within the confines of life,
Making everything hard to just feel alright.
Weeping over the generic concept,
None of my needs acknowledged or met.
Don't you just know you need something else?
Necessities met, or you live without a pulse.
I don't know what fills the empty hole,
Because I feel I've been dismissed from my soul.
Comprehension escapes the exact,
Because everything is fact
And never that of possibilty.
The higher scares me to no end,
Because then our 'reality' breaks or bends.
You can never expect even though you ponder,
Through space and time I wish I could wander.
Can't you hear the whispers that exist within the sphere?
Sometimes loud, others are mere.
Hope for the best of what the future holds,
Or else we're screwed with empty holes.
We can wish, we can dream
For all of that we've never seen.
We can learn, we can be,
But it seems impossible to be free.
Maybe it's that day, we're old and 83,
That day we close our eyes.
We're underneath the covers,
Smiling at our lover,
Remembering our brothers,
Mothers, and all significant others.
Seeking the truth, forgetting the lies,
We pry.
The day that wall comes down and crashes,
Never thinking to pick up the ashes.
Moving on the day you died,
forgetting all the tears you cried,
Moving on to the brighter side.
Remembering you, remembering me...
We're finally free.
.
Of this forgetting all we're told,
this is what the future withholds.
.
xoxo
You can't pretend you held my hand. I miss your smile, I miss your smile. I need you now, I need you now. I am not scared of falling down, I am not scared of dark, dark clouds.
Heat radiating within my hands,
I feel no chill from where I stand.
Expectation seeks my chills,
Though Spirit already knows of my strong will.
Speaking of strength I look at the wall,
Thinking there I stood, there I would fall.
But decisions show or hide an empty path,
With billions of others if you did the math.
Staring at the wall, I know what it hides.
By the rules of life you must abide.
NO TRESPASSING a sign declares,
Anyone who dares faces the wrath of the police,
The sirens blare.
Snowflakes touch my fingertips,
Each one contains a word.
One option, one piece to life to add,
Or discard as if it's no worth.
Confusion unravels as you look at this wall,
Feeling as if you're without.
The clock ticks on in even beats,
Water curing the lifeless drought.
.
I now sit within an empty home
.
The winter frost upholds my window,
I touch the cold, sullen glass.
Last year I mourned whatever was left,
Laying flowers upon the grass.
I walked through a valley far and wide,
Searching for a faithful guide.
One spirit walked along with me,
Until so known I forgot and could not see.
No, I did not mourn the loss,
Another came along with the frost.
I smiled at companionship,
But something was missing.
Tuned out to the birds I could only listen.
Humans didn't interest me, nor I did them;
They only looked for compelling murder,
All my sins condemned.
I shook my head and walked away,
Sad that life has to be this way.
The world alone looks so spacious and free,
But we are all held within society.
Greed and the villians make the ground dry,
From this thought I could surely cry.
When I think of my dream world,
All my wants it holds,
The paper divided and freedom unfolds.
But I am held within the confines of life,
Making everything hard to just feel alright.
Weeping over the generic concept,
None of my needs acknowledged or met.
Don't you just know you need something else?
Necessities met, or you live without a pulse.
I don't know what fills the empty hole,
Because I feel I've been dismissed from my soul.
Comprehension escapes the exact,
Because everything is fact
And never that of possibilty.
The higher scares me to no end,
Because then our 'reality' breaks or bends.
You can never expect even though you ponder,
Through space and time I wish I could wander.
Can't you hear the whispers that exist within the sphere?
Sometimes loud, others are mere.
Hope for the best of what the future holds,
Or else we're screwed with empty holes.
We can wish, we can dream
For all of that we've never seen.
We can learn, we can be,
But it seems impossible to be free.
Maybe it's that day, we're old and 83,
That day we close our eyes.
We're underneath the covers,
Smiling at our lover,
Remembering our brothers,
Mothers, and all significant others.
Seeking the truth, forgetting the lies,
We pry.
The day that wall comes down and crashes,
Never thinking to pick up the ashes.
Moving on the day you died,
forgetting all the tears you cried,
Moving on to the brighter side.
Remembering you, remembering me...
We're finally free.
.
Of this forgetting all we're told,
this is what the future withholds.
.
xoxo
How Are You?
Well, I'm
Hating the terrible recognition within my brain - writers block unfolds and presents me a pen. I eye it with hesitance. So much clutter has seemed to fill the want, but as my ink touches the paper that feeling fades. I wade in the waters of confusion and feel a mix of anger and hatred - they flush my face with heat. I hate your guts but you still make my skin hot. This is one of the vary demons that haunt me.
I cannot bring myself to face the world. Sometimes I feel I don't matter. Not just me, all of us. I constantly wish to be on my own so these demons will break the chains they've locked on my neck and leave me be. They follow my every move and remind me of the hate - the state of mind I once resorted to. And now it invites itself into me and anger releases through my pores, making me ask for more. I hate everything, or so it seems, frustrations within all, even in my dreams. They're blank and hold nothing to say, because the world focuses my eyes another way. I hate you for what you turned this into. I hate me for letting go. I hate her for knowing, and she hates him for showing it.
Time is forever fucking endless in this piece of shit town where nothing fades and we all live in shades of grey. To this day still to be judged, two years with no consideration from the jury who sit in my courtroom - yet they dictate the rules? Society is bullshit.
Everything muddles and results to nothing.
Lovers cuddle but love absolutely nothing.
The "king" wears a crown but does a good nothing.
Even when I could, there I stood, doing nothing.
It's unbelievable, the way life is, I just don't understand. People spend their whole lives searching for answers and die without. It makes me so much sympathize those with a religion, because during cynical times I see the so called blind side. The blunt side. The side where nobody wishes to go. But we all wake up from dreams, we always do. This bitter fact scares me to no end.
And so demons follow in suit - their sharp teeth bare as they scream false fates within my ear, and swear they'll be the death of me. Sometimes I willow in fear and others I bask in delightful carelessness. Either way I cry. The demons try always to break me down, to spin me round and make me see their being - to put me in my place, but I spt in their face. It doesn't make me victorious - it just makes me in for a hell of a night.
Past, present, future: all of which I've attempted to comprehend just to feel a sense of security, but it's never a possibility. The world hides in mysterious ways, making sure never to give away what it knows. And here I grow, within a place where I don't feel safe. Where I feel I could lose my sanity without a trace; where everybody just wants to save face. While superficial rule, where we're all cruel, where we don't care, we just fucking stare, and stare, and stare. So let me make one thing clear: I hate the world, it seers my mind and lied all this time when it told me I'd grow up fine. I'm not fine. I'mnot okay with this way. So why am I told it'll be okay? Because you don't care? She's too busy? We're all too busy. We all don't care. We're selfish, closed-minded, and affiliated with the greed of wanting to know more. We all want to do it first and have an original and make the most money. This is all just crappy. I want to say I just want to be happy. To see glory.
But we know there's always more to that story.
_ _
.
Hating the terrible recognition within my brain - writers block unfolds and presents me a pen. I eye it with hesitance. So much clutter has seemed to fill the want, but as my ink touches the paper that feeling fades. I wade in the waters of confusion and feel a mix of anger and hatred - they flush my face with heat. I hate your guts but you still make my skin hot. This is one of the vary demons that haunt me.
I cannot bring myself to face the world. Sometimes I feel I don't matter. Not just me, all of us. I constantly wish to be on my own so these demons will break the chains they've locked on my neck and leave me be. They follow my every move and remind me of the hate - the state of mind I once resorted to. And now it invites itself into me and anger releases through my pores, making me ask for more. I hate everything, or so it seems, frustrations within all, even in my dreams. They're blank and hold nothing to say, because the world focuses my eyes another way. I hate you for what you turned this into. I hate me for letting go. I hate her for knowing, and she hates him for showing it.
Time is forever fucking endless in this piece of shit town where nothing fades and we all live in shades of grey. To this day still to be judged, two years with no consideration from the jury who sit in my courtroom - yet they dictate the rules? Society is bullshit.
Everything muddles and results to nothing.
Lovers cuddle but love absolutely nothing.
The "king" wears a crown but does a good nothing.
Even when I could, there I stood, doing nothing.
It's unbelievable, the way life is, I just don't understand. People spend their whole lives searching for answers and die without. It makes me so much sympathize those with a religion, because during cynical times I see the so called blind side. The blunt side. The side where nobody wishes to go. But we all wake up from dreams, we always do. This bitter fact scares me to no end.
And so demons follow in suit - their sharp teeth bare as they scream false fates within my ear, and swear they'll be the death of me. Sometimes I willow in fear and others I bask in delightful carelessness. Either way I cry. The demons try always to break me down, to spin me round and make me see their being - to put me in my place, but I spt in their face. It doesn't make me victorious - it just makes me in for a hell of a night.
Past, present, future: all of which I've attempted to comprehend just to feel a sense of security, but it's never a possibility. The world hides in mysterious ways, making sure never to give away what it knows. And here I grow, within a place where I don't feel safe. Where I feel I could lose my sanity without a trace; where everybody just wants to save face. While superficial rule, where we're all cruel, where we don't care, we just fucking stare, and stare, and stare. So let me make one thing clear: I hate the world, it seers my mind and lied all this time when it told me I'd grow up fine. I'm not fine. I'mnot okay with this way. So why am I told it'll be okay? Because you don't care? She's too busy? We're all too busy. We all don't care. We're selfish, closed-minded, and affiliated with the greed of wanting to know more. We all want to do it first and have an original and make the most money. This is all just crappy. I want to say I just want to be happy. To see glory.
But we know there's always more to that story.
_ _
.
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