Patiently waiting

I so much envy Kid Cudi's lyrics to The Prayer; his thoughts aren't held captive any longer.

It's bottling up inside my head, and it threatens to burst - and those around me would be in for a suffering of words and hours upon hours of anger unleashed - to those, I pray for their souls. So much anticipation and dread, confusion and clarity, sadness and madness that's been capped and kept under pressure; she's left and I need somebody to talk to. I feel if I speak only to myself a chronic insanity and habitual ritual would follow and imprint itself in my daily routines - something I'd never wish upon myself within the walls of reality.
I've been dragging my feet and holding my smiles though a thought a second races through my mind - there is no clouding empty space, they're crowding and clumping particles that wish to free themselves from my brain - my mouth being the perfect tool to release them.
But nobody stands in front of me and there are no reactions or second thoughts or opinions from my own, no way to declare sanity from insanity within myself. And here my lips clamp shut and my thoughts are trapped though my sanity has already vacated and I am ready to speak as I stand in front of a mirror. My reflection questions me with its own expression upon my face - a 'What the fuck are you doing?'look that is most well deserved. It slaps me out of my madness and I ask myself,What the fuck am I doing? I reside into my normal activities and wait patiently.
I dont understand those who can cope without another soul to vent - I just need the right out of the select people to speak my thoughts and unleash this bottle - as long as it doesn't pop itself I am free to patiently speak as thought after thought impatiently waits in line.
I must confess I am an utter and complete introvert, but I am not my own therapy. It's so incredibly difficult for me to have not one trusted soul around to admit to and to recieve the advice that I need. My mind patiently waits but it seems every second that passes makes me wish to speak more and makes my tongue cramp from its strong will and utter ability to react in the correct ways. Even though loneliness at times shadows me it does not necessarily mean I cooperate with it in the most efficient ways.
Nobody knows my hidden thoughts because my soul has sat on the shiny treasure chest that holds my thoughts captive and has ordered my lips to keep themselves shut. I cannot further stand my legitimate frustration that festers within my heart and expands my gut until it hurts. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but this isn't the very truth when you have your soul as a chief sheriff waiting for destiny to place itself in the second and first hands of a clock and a date on the calendar. And so I wait patiently for fate to place itself within my hands, hoping and wishing so desperately that the time for this event arrives sufficiently soon.